Anonymous
04/20/2023 18:50
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:My heart breaks for all of you. You deserved so much better — and still do. It’s unconscionable to complain to your own child about having them “dumped” on you, like it’s some kind of punishment.
It’s killing me to read these posts. My STBX was a really loving, involved, hands on dad once upon a time. Then he just kind of checked out. He moved out two years ago and I offered him extra beds to take from our guest room so the kids could sleep over at his place, but he didn’t take them. They’ve never spent a single night with him. I still thought he’d want to have custody of some sort, so when we started negotiating a divorce settlement, I told him I had no desire to limit his access to the kids, but he said he wanted to keep things as they are: I have physical custody 100% of the time and he eats dinner with the kids one night per week. I can’t even believe this is really happening. Our kids are awesome and there’s something wrong with him if he’s okay with no custody. I don’t know if I’ll ever remarry, but if I do, it will only be to someone who makes my kids feel welcome in our home and in our lives, and only if I can do the same for his kids.
I suspect mental illness
You may have dodged a bullet!
Sorry this is happening
But I can’t think of any other explanation
Anonymous
04/20/2023 18:47
Subject: If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
How are your siblings doing? What’s their relationship with your parents?
Anonymous
04/20/2023 18:46
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.
Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.
OP here. My mom remarried wealthy doctor (it's weird because he was actually our family doctor for myself and siblings). She ended up putting him and HIS kids first. Both of my parents ending up putting their spouses and spouses' kids first. Sometimes I feel like an idiot when I call my dad because I momentarily forget that he has a whole other family he's way more invested in than me -- including his "grandchildren" that are the kids of his wife's kids (it feels weird to call them my step siblings as there is literally no relationship there). So in my mom's case, wherever the money is coming from comes first.
Were you a difficult child in any way? SN?
I have seen this happen with kids their parents thought didn’t turn out the way they expected. It’s cruel but unfortunately it happens
Anonymous
04/20/2023 18:44
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
My heart breaks for all of you. You deserved so much better — and still do. It’s unconscionable to complain to your own child about having them “dumped” on you, like it’s some kind of punishment.
It’s killing me to read these posts. My STBX was a really loving, involved, hands on dad once upon a time. Then he just kind of checked out. He moved out two years ago and I offered him extra beds to take from our guest room so the kids could sleep over at his place, but he didn’t take them. They’ve never spent a single night with him. I still thought he’d want to have custody of some sort, so when we started negotiating a divorce settlement, I told him I had no desire to limit his access to the kids, but he said he wanted to keep things as they are: I have physical custody 100% of the time and he eats dinner with the kids one night per week. I can’t even believe this is really happening. Our kids are awesome and there’s something wrong with him if he’s okay with no custody. I don’t know if I’ll ever remarry, but if I do, it will only be to someone who makes my kids feel welcome in our home and in our lives, and only if I can do the same for his kids.
It’s killing me to read these posts. My STBX was a really loving, involved, hands on dad once upon a time. Then he just kind of checked out. He moved out two years ago and I offered him extra beds to take from our guest room so the kids could sleep over at his place, but he didn’t take them. They’ve never spent a single night with him. I still thought he’d want to have custody of some sort, so when we started negotiating a divorce settlement, I told him I had no desire to limit his access to the kids, but he said he wanted to keep things as they are: I have physical custody 100% of the time and he eats dinner with the kids one night per week. I can’t even believe this is really happening. Our kids are awesome and there’s something wrong with him if he’s okay with no custody. I don’t know if I’ll ever remarry, but if I do, it will only be to someone who makes my kids feel welcome in our home and in our lives, and only if I can do the same for his kids.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 18:44
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:I just have to say, I love the juxtaposition of posts like these, from those who have BTDT and have suffered and are suffering, with the posts from divorced/divorcing parents who try to convince this board that divorce is better.
There are good and bad ways to handle both divorce and marriage.
I have never heard of an involved doting father becoming aloof after divorce
Anonymous
04/20/2023 17:46
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Every other weekend kid here (starting at age 4). Also had a step mom come along who really didn’t like children at all. I hated those weekend visits. Unfortunately, my mother is unstable, so home wasn’t much better. I haven’t heard from my dad in 20+ years. I’m in my 40s now. I have a hard time when my kids ask questions about my childhood. I feel like I’ve tried to forget so much, and when those memories come flooding back, it’s just hard. I’m grateful for the life I have with my husband and kids, and I’m so glad they’re in a much more stable environment. My dad is still alive. He won’t speak to me because I didn’t ask him to walk me down the aisle when I got married…but he’d been absent for so many years, with maybe a phone call once or twice a year before my engagement..I never would have thought he’d be interested.
I’m sorry this is a jumble. Reading these posts brought up a lot of feelings. I hope everyone posting has found a way to heal.❤️
I’m sorry this is a jumble. Reading these posts brought up a lot of feelings. I hope everyone posting has found a way to heal.❤️
Anonymous
04/20/2023 11:35
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.
Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.
OP here. My mom remarried wealthy doctor (it's weird because he was actually our family doctor for myself and siblings). She ended up putting him and HIS kids first. Both of my parents ending up putting their spouses and spouses' kids first. Sometimes I feel like an idiot when I call my dad because I momentarily forget that he has a whole other family he's way more invested in than me -- including his "grandchildren" that are the kids of his wife's kids (it feels weird to call them my step siblings as there is literally no relationship there). So in my mom's case, wherever the money is coming from comes first.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 10:53
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
I just have to say, I love the juxtaposition of posts like these, from those who have BTDT and have suffered and are suffering, with the posts from divorced/divorcing parents who try to convince this board that divorce is better.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 10:29
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Women put kids first. Men put sex first. Whoever the sex is coming from therefore comes before kids.
Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.
Not all men are this way but most divorced men are this way.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 10:28
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Well now you know why your mom divorced him. Men who are like this after divorce and remarriage were like this in the first place. They are opportunistic selfish people who never put a kid first or knew how, and your mother figured it out too late.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 00:32
Subject: Re:If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
At most I saw my father once a month. Sometimes every three months? I was closer with him than my mother who was very cold. I have no relationship with either.
Anonymous
04/20/2023 00:18
Subject: If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She kept him out of her life so he moved on.
Implausible that that was the cause of his disengagement, but if true, what a weak character he must have had.
What is he to do?
Be engaged to the extent possible.
Anonymous
04/19/2023 23:39
Subject: If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She kept him out of her life so he moved on.
Implausible that that was the cause of his disengagement, but if true, what a weak character he must have had.
What is he to do?
Anonymous
04/19/2023 21:30
Subject: If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
I had a Dad like this, he got remarried and they had a kid and stepmom was the huffy type. It was uncomfortable and then awkward to stay overnight. By high school, I was done. He didn't tell me goodbye when I went to college. Didn't have much of a relationship until around the time I got married and he got divorced. Then he was willing to give me some of his time. We got along well after that, he became a better person, attended church, got himself together.
But oh how I remember those awkward years. It's funny how they pop up - I was reading a book with my 8th grader, one that I read in 8th grade, and it brought me to tears remembering how tough life was at that time and also how grateful I am to be able to give a normal, drama-free life to my kids.
But oh how I remember those awkward years. It's funny how they pop up - I was reading a book with my 8th grader, one that I read in 8th grade, and it brought me to tears remembering how tough life was at that time and also how grateful I am to be able to give a normal, drama-free life to my kids.
Anonymous
04/19/2023 20:33
Subject: If you had an every other weekend parent growing up, what is your relationship like with them now?
Anonymous wrote:She kept him out of her life so he moved on.
Implausible that that was the cause of his disengagement, but if true, what a weak character he must have had.