Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:08     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Op- the MIL issue was around a conflict she had with both of us, mad about us making different plans for a holiday (setting a boundary which she didn’t like). She came at me about it and called me thoughtless and selfish for not going along with her holiday plans. She’s pretty judgemental and strong willed so this was not a surprise, but I was hurt that my husband let me take the fall for it and just hid like a turtle.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:08     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I need more info. What are you getting “viciously attacked” about? Maybe there is some merit to what people are saying so your DH is having a hard time coming to your defense. It seems odd that this is a recurrent issue in your marriage.

Or perhaps you are totally blameless and your DH is a wimp who won’t stick up for his family.

It’s hard to tell without more context. But it seems a bit off this has happened not once, but twice.



I totally agree with you. It is weird and unusual that these things have happened, I don’t often have conflict like this with people. I know it sounds woo-woo and weird, but it’s almost like the universe is testing us by throwing these unusual situations. They even happened around the same time of year each time.



OP this is not rational thinking. It is magical thinking and you seem to be putting your DH to an unfair litmus test.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:07     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.



I have money from my wealthy father to fall back on and a graduate degree. I would have to downgrade lifestyle a bit but wouldn’t be in poverty.

The other person who attacked me was a male close couple friend. Not his mom.


How is it you go around getting “attacked”? I think you need individual therapy first. I don’t think you have insight into what is going on with yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:05     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.


I’m assuming you view all divorcees this way?


DP. I am getting divorced myself and often urge posters to separate. But OP does not describe what would rise to the level of divorce. It may be that she has other things going on that actually do merit divorce. If she is fully contemptuous of her DH and cannot stand being in his presence, OK maybe. But she has four kids at home and no real career. Divorce is a pretty big deal for her.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:05     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I need more info. What are you getting “viciously attacked” about? Maybe there is some merit to what people are saying so your DH is having a hard time coming to your defense. It seems odd that this is a recurrent issue in your marriage.

Or perhaps you are totally blameless and your DH is a wimp who won’t stick up for his family.

It’s hard to tell without more context. But it seems a bit off this has happened not once, but twice.



I totally agree with you. It is weird and unusual that these things have happened, I don’t often have conflict like this with people. I know it sounds woo-woo and weird, but it’s almost like the universe is testing us by throwing these unusual situations. They even happened around the same time of year each time.



Why won’t you describe the attacks?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:05     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:I need more info. What are you getting “viciously attacked” about? Maybe there is some merit to what people are saying so your DH is having a hard time coming to your defense. It seems odd that this is a recurrent issue in your marriage.

Or perhaps you are totally blameless and your DH is a wimp who won’t stick up for his family.

It’s hard to tell without more context. But it seems a bit off this has happened not once, but twice.



I totally agree with you. It is weird and unusual that these things have happened, I don’t often have conflict like this with people. I know it sounds woo-woo and weird, but it’s almost like the universe is testing us by throwing these unusual situations. They even happened around the same time of year each time.

Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:04     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Instead of working on him in therapy, I think you should work with your therapist on how to reframe things. He's not wimpy, he doesn't escalate (a very positive trait). There are things YOU can change, too
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:04     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.



I have money from my wealthy father to fall back on and a graduate degree. I would have to downgrade lifestyle a bit but wouldn’t be in poverty.

The other person who attacked me was a male close couple friend. Not his mom.


Please describe both attacks.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:03     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.



I have money from my wealthy father to fall back on and a graduate degree. I would have to downgrade lifestyle a bit but wouldn’t be in poverty.

The other person who attacked me was a male close couple friend. Not his mom.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:02     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
I mean, you can divorce for any reason. But it sounds like you are making zero attempt to examine or take responsibility for your own behavior, and you are magnifying two incidents to a kind of extreme amount. You don’t sound honest here at all. I’m surprise the couples therapy focused entirely on your husband’s supposed flaws - is that really true?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:02     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
I need more info. What are you getting “viciously attacked” about? Maybe there is some merit to what people are saying so your DH is having a hard time coming to your defense. It seems odd that this is a recurrent issue in your marriage.

Or perhaps you are totally blameless and your DH is a wimp who won’t stick up for his family.

It’s hard to tell without more context. But it seems a bit off this has happened not once, but twice.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:02     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.


I’m assuming you view all divorcees this way?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:01     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
What exactly was the attack?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:01     Subject: Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming he was wimpy before you married him, so you married him knowing this. And then had four kids with him.

No, I wouldn’t upend FOUR KIDS’ lives over this. Just accept he’s the exact man you married and get on with your life.



Oh FFS. OP shouldn’t have to sit & shut up when being attacked. Sounds miserable.

Divorce OP


Ffs then she can defend herself instead of waiting for her reticent husband to come to her rescue. This isn’t the Victorian era.


Yes, defend herself by divorcing.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2023 09:01     Subject: Re:Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?
OP, given the limited details of what you have described, I can't really tell if what you are describing warrants divorce. I personally, do not think it is my husband's job to defend me from personal attack. I own my own sh*t. I'm trying to envision exactly what you are describing - attack by MIL, and then a "similar" attack by someone else? What exactly is going on and why do you need your husband to defend you?