She sounds like the worst. If you really can’t stand to be around her, don’t go.

I'll tell you what's stupid.

Being rude to an actual human being (you) because they believe dressing all bridesmaids the same is an immutable law of nature. !!! I'm not American, and apart from some British weddings, no one else puts their bridesmaids in matching outfits (or even have bridesmaids - I had my little nieces and nephews hold my train, no one else).

They should have asked your input on what you wanted to wear. It's just incredibly ridiculous to force others into something they might not even like. Bridesmaids could have had a crown of flowers or something, to distinguish them from the other guests.

Sorry, but I had to rant over this particular American convention. It's not respectful of others, and usually Americans are all about individuality.

Anonymous wrote:Be the bigger person. Go. It’s also your brother’s celebration.

I mean, come ON! The jokes just write themselves here! Tee hee hee ....

Anonymous wrote:It’s clear that your brother loves you very much. I would go to support him and wish him well. Try to have fun and be the bigger person.

This.

Go and be fabulous and forget the mean girls.

It’s clear that your brother loves you very much. I would go to support him and wish him well. Try to have fun and be the bigger person.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’re the one holding the grudge. She’s going to be around a while, it’s time to learn to like her for your brothers sake.

How is OP holding a grudge for wanting to avoid a person who would treat anyone, let alone the sibling of her husband to be so unkindly?

I’m sorry you were treated that way. You are 100% justified in skipping this event. You were already made to feel kind of yucky on multiple levels. No need to show up with a pretend happy face.

I'd go for the sake of my brother.

IF you decide to go (and I would completely understand if you opt out), I would say you have prior event and stay for 15 minutes. Do you have a spouse or friend who will remain at your side for the duration? Her comment is THE meanest thing I have ever heard. And, when the SIL gets pregnant, do not host the baby shower!

The fact that this woman is so short sighted she has ruined her chance at a relationship with her SIL over a dumb dress is INSANE. There is a high chance this BFF won't last, and you will still be in her life.

I'm sorry your brother picked such a crappy person to be his partner.

I think I'd go and be icy as hell to the BFF. Friendly but cool to SIL. Make sure a fun cousin or other relative is going you can hang out with, and leave when you want.

I would go and be the epitome of unbothered. Don't let them win

How did you find out what happened regarding your participation in the wedding party? Did your brother tell you?

Have you ever addressed what happened directly with her? I'm sorry if I missed that piece of info. But it could be a long time that she is in your family and you shouldn't be thinking about this at every potential gathering.

You can start it with, "This is very awkward for me, but here it goes...."

How she reacts will give you your answer. Does she hash it out with you, admit that it wasn't her best treatment of another human being, or is she dismissive and doubles down on her actions?

I'm a recovering people pleaser, and you can absolutely stand up for yourself! I know you can, even if it's hard.

I probably would not go. It is just too soon and too tied to a life event where 10% of the people at the party acted horribly.

If these women are acting like this in their 30s, there is little hope of changing them. And you can be supportive of your brother in other ways that are more tied just to him. Unless he is also a terrible person, I cannot
Imagine this lasting.

I'd skip it.

I feel that everyone made decisions for you regarding the wedding, without your true input. Even your brother's intervention was kind of not helping you exactly. Now you decide for yourself what you want to do. If you want to avoid the awful friend, by all means do that. You don't owe anyone anything.