I think many of these responses are people who aren't dating. The person I dated for 3 years who said they 'drank socially' was in fact, an alcoholic. I knew within a month of dating him. Asked if he had a drinking problem and he said no. I swipe left on folks who say 'drink frequently'. That is honest but not something I want in my life.

Sober can mean so many things. It can mean recovery from an alcohol problem, it can mean they don't drink and don't want to be around people who do, or it can mean that they don't mind if you do.

Ask and pay attention to their drinking habits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are probably more recently sober than 20yrs if they are highlighting it as part of who they are

I agree, but if you have any chat on the apps I'd just ask "tell me about being sober" or something.

Great answer! Why not be straightforward and just ask? Seems better than speculating.

+1. I think "sober" means different things to different people. The most basic definition is that they don't drink alcohol, but there are a lot of different paths to not drinking. Not everyone that identifies as sober was a sleeping in the gutter alcoholic that feels they must attend AA every day. I'd argue you could part of a sober community without ever having a problem with alcohol. There's a growing community of people questioning the role of any alcohol in their daily life, as well as how it's everywhere in our society, etc.

I say ask the person and learn about them and why that identifier is important to them if you are interested otherwise.

Since Covid there has been a sober movement, or “mindful drinking” movement. Plenty of people have opted for sobriety and it’s not because they are an alcoholic or drug addict. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/04/health/alcohol-health-effects.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

It would be an incompatibility for me. It's good that they're up front about it so you can weed out that incompatibility.