I think there are a lot of bad talk therapists. CBT and DBT is better because it’s more about building skills.

My MIL is a narcissist, maybe borderline personality. She had a therapist who treated her for depression for decades. At one point he told her it was important for her to express her needs and feelings to her family members. Really, we did not need to hear more about her needs—we heard plenty about her needs, which were not everyone’s top priority for legitimate reasons. He must have made millions from her because she would call him whenever her family gave her inadequate attention and they would spend hours on the phone. He eventually died which was the only way out of that toxic relationship. She then started an affair which was way better for all of us, as the AP gave her lots of attention and didn’t tell her to bully us all into dropping our lives to feed her bottomless pit of emotional need.

I know another person in therapy for what seems like pretty mild anxiety. The therapist will write ber notes to get out of work but seems to be making zero progress in actually getting her to a point where she can work regularly and isn’t even recommending anti-anxiety medication. It’s just 100% enabling with no actual treatment.

I don’t honk therapists need to have a little less empathy/validation and a little more practical skills building and critical thought.

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Thank you for bringing this up, op. Both siblings have been to therapy and both are estranged from my mom and me. Both have very high standards for others and lower standards for them. They expect forgiveness for things they do but are very harsh against ANY thing you do or say even if your intentions were meant for good. For example, sending a gift to their child because you love them but they tell you that you are " love bombing"

My one sibling cut us off but my other sibling wants a fake relationship where she just tells us how wonderful life is but never wanting to discuss any problems to have a real relationship

It is very frustrating but I have had to let go because there is nothing I can do.

So you are the arbiter of what a “real” relationship is? How very interesting.

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to cut you off or keep you at arm’s length, when you have all the answers and know all about how to have a Real Relationship. There can’t at all be a problem with YOU!

I'm generally a fan of therapy (have done it myself and have had my kid in it) but realize it can be problematic and even damaging. I have a friend who really wanted to move to the west coast and her therapist told her not to because she needed therapy too much and couldn't leave her. Incredibly controlling and unfortunately my friend listened to her. And other stories of ridiculous things therapists have said to me and others. You should really only be in therapy twice a week if you're in full blown crisis mode. That seems really excessive for your sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

You should sue or file a complaint against her. The lack of accountability in the profession is scandalous.

I had two years of 1-2x/week of what I thought was excellent psychotherapy followed by a three year sexual affair with my married therapist, after which I no longer have much faith or trust in therapy. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Thank you for bringing this up, op. Both siblings have been to therapy and both are estranged from my mom and me. Both have very high standards for others and lower standards for them. They expect forgiveness for things they do but are very harsh against ANY thing you do or say even if your intentions were meant for good. For example, sending a gift to their child because you love them but they tell you that you are " love bombing"

My one sibling cut us off but my other sibling wants a fake relationship where she just tells us how wonderful life is but never wanting to discuss any problems to have a real relationship

It is very frustrating but I have had to let go because there is nothing I can do.

Sounds very typical for someone who believes your mom (or you) is a narcissist and you are the “golden child.” There is an army of therapists and acolytes out there all pushing this same agenda of “boundaries” and having no insight into their own issues.

Golden child
Black sheep
More therapy speak BS

Oh no, your sister won’t take your crap anymore? What a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.

This happened to my son, too. He has OCD, with scrupulosity and gender focused anxiety, all exacerbated by puberty and the pandemic. He wondered aloud if he could be trans and she jumped right on it. Told him it was a big breakthrough, encouraged him to visit numerous gender affirming websites, etc. Interestingly, his anxiety and OCD symptoms increased. It was an elaborate extrication process getting him away from that quack. 1.5 years later, his OCD is well managed and he is 100% certain he is male and is comfortable and happy with that fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that is an interesting article. Definitely have noticed the accusatory calling others out of nowhere with younger coworkers. Definitely think too much therapy can be an issue. Two times a week seems very excessive and not sure what kind of therapist would indulge that and that may also be explanatory to some of your sister's decisions to isolate herself from her family.

There are different schools of psychotherapy and some lean toward more frequent sessions than others. Classical psychoanalysis prefers three to five sessions a week for several years.

Ka-ching

Yes, I’ve thought about this before in the context of “setting boundaries.” I think it’s overly simplistic for most human relationships to always put yourself first and draw unmovable lines. It’s not how we are inclined to interact with each other, so forcing it seems to mess things up in other ways.

Anonymous wrote:Wow that is an interesting article. Definitely have noticed the accusatory calling others out of nowhere with younger coworkers. Definitely think too much therapy can be an issue. Two times a week seems very excessive and not sure what kind of therapist would indulge that and that may also be explanatory to some of your sister's decisions to isolate herself from her family.

There are different schools of psychotherapy and some lean toward more frequent sessions than others. Classical psychoanalysis prefers three to five sessions a week for several years.

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Thank you for bringing this up, op. Both siblings have been to therapy and both are estranged from my mom and me. Both have very high standards for others and lower standards for them. They expect forgiveness for things they do but are very harsh against ANY thing you do or say even if your intentions were meant for good. For example, sending a gift to their child because you love them but they tell you that you are " love bombing"

My one sibling cut us off but my other sibling wants a fake relationship where she just tells us how wonderful life is but never wanting to discuss any problems to have a real relationship

It is very frustrating but I have had to let go because there is nothing I can do.

Sounds very typical for someone who believes your mom (or you) is a narcissist and you are the “golden child.” There is an army of therapists and acolytes out there all pushing this same agenda of “boundaries” and having no insight into their own issues.

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the acquaintance who asked me to take on a volunteer position, then announced that she needed to learn to prioritize herself and she should have just told me that SHE wanted the position, but since I had already started we had to share the position. Then she sent a text saying that "in an act of radical self-love" she would need to step down from the position.

I mean, what the what.

Haha wow. Keep this person at a distance

Anonymous wrote:I think self-love is profound selfishness. I also had a therapist decide to DEBATE me about my religious beliefs (Catholicism) because he was one of those supreme atheists. I am extremely wary of ever doing therapy again after that. I just want tools to combat my OCD.

I disagree that self-love is selfishness -- they are not the same things because their underlying intentions and effects differ.

Self-love is essentially a positive and healthy attitude towards yourself, characterized by self-acceptance, self-care, and self-compassion. While profound selfishness is characterized by an excessive and unhealthy focus on your personhood at the expense of others.

Self-love is a positive and necessary aspect of well-being, whereas profound selfishness is a negative and harmful behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

It was an online therapist during Covid who put the idea into my kid’s head that transgenderism might fix everything. Out of nowhere.