Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 12:32     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college mate is super successful woman VP. Net worth is easily in 20-30 million. Divorced, no partner, no kids.

Lives alone in SF. Age 57.


What are her cats' names?


Does not even have cats. I do not envy her. But, yes, she has a Wiki page dedicated to her!
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 12:30     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:My college mate is super successful woman VP. Net worth is easily in 20-30 million. Divorced, no partner, no kids.

Lives alone in SF. Age 57.


What are her cats' names?
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 12:21     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you manage the work life balance if you are a woman with a high powered career? I do t mean the outsourcing of things like a cleaning service but how do you carve out quality time to be present with your kids? I just started a job as a VP at a new company and the demands on my time seem excessive (after work events, team dinners, travel every week and 8 am meetings which make school drop off impossible ). I am constantly getting emails over the weekend, late at night - basically 24/7. My DH has a flexible job and has picked up most of the kid related stuff but I want to be able to be present in my kids life too. I was an AVP at my old job and while there were busy times, I had much better W/L balance. I’m not lazy but need help establishing some boundaries. Also my company talks a lot about being there for working parents but doesn’t walk the walk.


Why do assume she has kids?


Are you an idiot? OP has kids and is asking for advice on how to handle a demanding corporate job. There's no assumption being made. Maybe try reading before commenting.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 11:40     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries but you have to be willing to be fired for them. And a lot of late nights.


This is all you can do. Outsource every single task you can so that all of your time at home is spent focused on the kids. Decide how many nights a week you will spend on work events and then stick to it. Also consider going to a lot of them now when you're new and then set a timeline for when it will taper off. "By the time school ends, I will only be going to one evening work event per week." Then stick to it.

Also, when bowing out of activities, say "CompanyX emphasizes work life balance so I'm going to lead by example." Let them be the ones to say "we don't actually want people to have balance."

Also find allies. Or since you are a VP, BE the ally. I had a coworker in another department who came in early and left at 3:30 sharp every day to be home for her kids. Her supervisor was supportive, and would say at the beginning of a meeting "coworker has to leave at 3:30, so let's try to wrap things by then." Honestly, I liked that it kept afternoon meetings focused and short.

So yes, in the end you need to set your boundaries and die on those hills if need be. And in the meantime, you can be the change.


+1

I was a nanny to a family where the mom had a very high powered job and she outsourced everything she could so that her time at home could be dedicated to the kids. She then worked after they went to bed at night. I stayed until the kids went to bed so that I would be able to help clean up dinner and tidy up while she focused on bath/bedtime. The dad also worked but had more set hours so he was able to manage all the outsourcing.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 11:24     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is hard. I wanted to be the default parent but had to let it go. Also had to have hard conversations with my DH (who is a fed) about things he had to do.

It is really tough.


Had a conversation? One key to know when you are not the default parent is you don’t get to dictate things.

He will find a way, just like if you died, it won be your way but kids will be okay.


This. You're not an executive at home and your DH is running the day to day. He gets to make those decisions now.


I interpreted this differently. I read this as the DH was not picking up equal tasks at home and was still expecting OP to handle everything despite OP having a more demanding job.


My DH is wonderful but I had to say- you have to do these things if you want me to keep making this amount of money. Our jobs are not equal.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 10:54     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:How do you manage the work life balance if you are a woman with a high powered career? I do t mean the outsourcing of things like a cleaning service but how do you carve out quality time to be present with your kids? I just started a job as a VP at a new company and the demands on my time seem excessive (after work events, team dinners, travel every week and 8 am meetings which make school drop off impossible ). I am constantly getting emails over the weekend, late at night - basically 24/7. My DH has a flexible job and has picked up most of the kid related stuff but I want to be able to be present in my kids life too. I was an AVP at my old job and while there were busy times, I had much better W/L balance. I’m not lazy but need help establishing some boundaries. Also my company talks a lot about being there for working parents but doesn’t walk the walk.


To be blunt, this usually means for staff at lower levels, not upper management.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 10:17     Subject: Re:Woman with VP level jobs
It's not as if men have it easier at work. Historically the model worked because the high performing corporate executives and professionals had wives who stayed at home with the children, and till recently, had less demanding careers. Senior corporate jobs are workaholic jobs. It's not going to change just for women. You need to figure out how to make it work or step back if you realize it's not worth the money or professional satisfaction.

Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 10:11     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries but you have to be willing to be fired for them. And a lot of late nights.


This is all you can do. Outsource every single task you can so that all of your time at home is spent focused on the kids. Decide how many nights a week you will spend on work events and then stick to it. Also consider going to a lot of them now when you're new and then set a timeline for when it will taper off. "By the time school ends, I will only be going to one evening work event per week." Then stick to it.

Also, when bowing out of activities, say "CompanyX emphasizes work life balance so I'm going to lead by example." Let them be the ones to say "we don't actually want people to have balance."

Also find allies. Or since you are a VP, BE the ally. I had a coworker in another department who came in early and left at 3:30 sharp every day to be home for her kids. Her supervisor was supportive, and would say at the beginning of a meeting "coworker has to leave at 3:30, so let's try to wrap things by then." Honestly, I liked that it kept afternoon meetings focused and short.

So yes, in the end you need to set your boundaries and die on those hills if need be. And in the meantime, you can be the change.


Outsourcing is a fallacy. You need to manage and supervise people who you outsource stuff to, too.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 10:08     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
My college mate is super successful woman VP. Net worth is easily in 20-30 million. Divorced, no partner, no kids.

Lives alone in SF. Age 57.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 09:54     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
I think OP is more concerned about how she has too many work expectations and how to delicately excuse her from some of these responsibilities that interfere with home life
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 09:18     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is hard. I wanted to be the default parent but had to let it go. Also had to have hard conversations with my DH (who is a fed) about things he had to do.

It is really tough.


Had a conversation? One key to know when you are not the default parent is you don’t get to dictate things.

He will find a way, just like if you died, it won be your way but kids will be okay.


This. You're not an executive at home and your DH is running the day to day. He gets to make those decisions now.


I interpreted this differently. I read this as the DH was not picking up equal tasks at home and was still expecting OP to handle everything despite OP having a more demanding job.


Then those tasks don’t get done, and the husband deals with the consequences because he is the one on the ground
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 09:06     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:How do you manage the work life balance if you are a woman with a high powered career? I do t mean the outsourcing of things like a cleaning service but how do you carve out quality time to be present with your kids? I just started a job as a VP at a new company and the demands on my time seem excessive (after work events, team dinners, travel every week and 8 am meetings which make school drop off impossible ). I am constantly getting emails over the weekend, late at night - basically 24/7. My DH has a flexible job and has picked up most of the kid related stuff but I want to be able to be present in my kids life too. I was an AVP at my old job and while there were busy times, I had much better W/L balance. I’m not lazy but need help establishing some boundaries. Also my company talks a lot about being there for working parents but doesn’t walk the walk.


Well you are upper management now so be the change you want.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 09:05     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:Set your boundaries but you have to be willing to be fired for them. And a lot of late nights.


This is all you can do. Outsource every single task you can so that all of your time at home is spent focused on the kids. Decide how many nights a week you will spend on work events and then stick to it. Also consider going to a lot of them now when you're new and then set a timeline for when it will taper off. "By the time school ends, I will only be going to one evening work event per week." Then stick to it.

Also, when bowing out of activities, say "CompanyX emphasizes work life balance so I'm going to lead by example." Let them be the ones to say "we don't actually want people to have balance."

Also find allies. Or since you are a VP, BE the ally. I had a coworker in another department who came in early and left at 3:30 sharp every day to be home for her kids. Her supervisor was supportive, and would say at the beginning of a meeting "coworker has to leave at 3:30, so let's try to wrap things by then." Honestly, I liked that it kept afternoon meetings focused and short.

So yes, in the end you need to set your boundaries and die on those hills if need be. And in the meantime, you can be the change.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 08:48     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:

Why do assume she has kids?


Because OP is talking in first person you imbecile. It’s her life.
Anonymous
Post 04/12/2023 08:47     Subject: Woman with VP level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is hard. I wanted to be the default parent but had to let it go. Also had to have hard conversations with my DH (who is a fed) about things he had to do.

It is really tough.


Had a conversation? One key to know when you are not the default parent is you don’t get to dictate things.

He will find a way, just like if you died, it won be your way but kids will be okay.


This. You're not an executive at home and your DH is running the day to day. He gets to make those decisions now.


I interpreted this differently. I read this as the DH was not picking up equal tasks at home and was still expecting OP to handle everything despite OP having a more demanding job.