Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:43
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:42
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:I think we've entered a new era where open adoption will prove to have just as many heartbreaking challenges.
So many adoptions now are private and essentially a pay-for-service model. Go out and find a young or poor woman who may/may not want to keep their child, offer them cold hard cash for "living expenses" and promise they will be an integral part of the child's life.
Maybe the adoptive parents will keep that promise maybe they won't. We all know now that open agreements are usually not enforceable.
You may have a child who has grown up WITH their bio parents as part of their life. Then they reach a stage where there may be conflict between the parents. The adoptive parents then decide to limit/cease contact with bio parents.
Even if there is no conflict, what is it like for these children to know their bio parents/families, but also know they were relinquished by them to be raised by others who are not in any way related?
What kind of non-biased psychological studies have looked at how these situations affect children? There are lots of pro-adoption organizations touting how wonderful open adoption is but I've not seen any non-biased studies done.
It depends on the state. If laws haven't changed, in MD you aren't allowed to pay birthmother expenses outside medical and legal. We didn't pay any birthmom expenses. We just paid attorney fees.
You make adoption sound so simple.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:39
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
what's a baby scoop?
Educate yourself.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:36
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
what's a baby scoop?
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:32
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
+1000
Exactly
So, for those who were adopted in this time period, how do you look at your life now?
Anonymous
04/12/2023 11:06
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 10:56
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
I think we've entered a new era where open adoption will prove to have just as many heartbreaking challenges.
So many adoptions now are private and essentially a pay-for-service model. Go out and find a young or poor woman who may/may not want to keep their child, offer them cold hard cash for "living expenses" and promise they will be an integral part of the child's life.
Maybe the adoptive parents will keep that promise maybe they won't. We all know now that open agreements are usually not enforceable.
You may have a child who has grown up WITH their bio parents as part of their life. Then they reach a stage where there may be conflict between the parents. The adoptive parents then decide to limit/cease contact with bio parents.
Even if there is no conflict, what is it like for these children to know their bio parents/families, but also know they were relinquished by them to be raised by others who are not in any way related?
What kind of non-biased psychological studies have looked at how these situations affect children? There are lots of pro-adoption organizations touting how wonderful open adoption is but I've not seen any non-biased studies done.
So many adoptions now are private and essentially a pay-for-service model. Go out and find a young or poor woman who may/may not want to keep their child, offer them cold hard cash for "living expenses" and promise they will be an integral part of the child's life.
Maybe the adoptive parents will keep that promise maybe they won't. We all know now that open agreements are usually not enforceable.
You may have a child who has grown up WITH their bio parents as part of their life. Then they reach a stage where there may be conflict between the parents. The adoptive parents then decide to limit/cease contact with bio parents.
Even if there is no conflict, what is it like for these children to know their bio parents/families, but also know they were relinquished by them to be raised by others who are not in any way related?
What kind of non-biased psychological studies have looked at how these situations affect children? There are lots of pro-adoption organizations touting how wonderful open adoption is but I've not seen any non-biased studies done.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:32
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
We are talking about the baby scoop era where a lot of women were coerced into putting children up for adoption they might have otherwise aborted if they had access to safe and legal abortion or parented. There was a lot more secrecy and shame around adoption where adoptive parents wouldn't always tell their children that they were adopted or would keep it a big secret.
I recommend reading the book The girl who went away to understand more about this situation
Anonymous
04/11/2023 23:41
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
^^ recognizing, not releasing
Anonymous
04/11/2023 23:41
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My DH was adopted. early 70s. His older sister, also adopted and then a younger brother - unexpected birth child. So the adoptive mother who was mentally average couldn't cope with or fathom a highly intellectual child and ultimately failed him. He talks to her, sends her birthday / Mother's Day gifts.
What do you mean she ultimately failed him?
She failed him on a lot of levels. When he was a newborn she shut him in a room alone because the 2 yr old she'd adopted used to "dance on his head" and later she'd find he ate his own diaper. The only other instances of this happening I've read about have been neglectful, heroin addict parents.
She also wasn't capable of releasing his intellect. She also was someone who suffered from such high anxiety that she raised three, biologically unrelated kids to suffer extreme anxiety well into their middle age.
Is that enough for you?
Anonymous
04/11/2023 23:09
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
Why wouldn't they be placed? In the 50s and 60s, there was literally no idea about any genetic tendencies of anything. Women were forced to relinquish children due to their lack of marital status. Many teenagers and women were placed in maternity homes and were highly medicated. There were babies born dependent.
Anonymous
04/11/2023 22:56
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:My DH was adopted. early 70s. His older sister, also adopted and then a younger brother - unexpected birth child. So the adoptive mother who was mentally average couldn't cope with or fathom a highly intellectual child and ultimately failed him. He talks to her, sends her birthday / Mother's Day gifts.
What do you mean she ultimately failed him?
Anonymous
04/11/2023 22:52
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
Anonymous
04/11/2023 22:45
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Anonymous
04/11/2023 21:58
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.