Anonymous
04/10/2023 11:01
Subject: I am exhausted
Do other parents stay at the long practice sessions? Talk to them about car pooling.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:54
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:OP you can’t have two people working out of the house 40+ hours and young kids without some help unless you’re fine with being really stressed all the time and not sleeping enough. You need a nanny/housekeeper/au pair type person. That’s reality.
Or one of you needs to find a less “demanding” job. You can work FT and not be as consumed as you both seem to be.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:53
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Sorry to say but your child is over scheduled for a household where both parents work outside the home in demanding jobs. Life is about trade offs. Young kids in an activity that runs 3-4 hours twice a week almost certainly have a stay at home parent, a parent with a very flexible and not very demanding job, or hired help. Simple as that. You aren’t going to create more hours in a day. What happens if/when the two days becomes 5 or 6? Isn’t that what happens with those high commitment type of activities? Having a kid in one of those activities just isn’t compatible with your current lifestyle. I’m not sure why you even opened that door and signed your child up. They wouldn’t have known about it if you hadn’t introduced it. We parents have a lot of control over what our kids are exposed to. It’s on parents to be realistic about their schedules. We can’t have it all despite what we may have been told. You are going to make yourself crazy trying to measure up to people who have a parents those job it is to drive kids around.
P.S. no way this is swimming. It’s something like gymnastics or figure skating, or maybe a non sport thing. No one has little kids swim for 3-4 hours at a time. That would blow up their shoulders by 12.
P.S. no way this is swimming. It’s something like gymnastics or figure skating, or maybe a non sport thing. No one has little kids swim for 3-4 hours at a time. That would blow up their shoulders by 12.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:50
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.
It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.
This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.
I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.
Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.
PS I understand the need for a lot of activities. My kid has ADHD and lots and lots of exercise helps more than almost anything else. Just playing in the yard with friends doesn’t do it. Obviously many kids are not like this but I totally get it.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:48
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.
It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.
This sounds amazing. If you can find some one to do this I would.
I pay someone to drive my DC to an activity 20 minutes away, stay for the 1 the lesson and bring them home. It’s been fantastic- DC lives the time and I knock stuff out instead of sitting in the car. This person has a full time job but I pay very well so it’s worth it to them 1x per week. Highly recommend.
Also, I work in an industry where part time is not common either but I asked for a reduced hour load and they were afraid I’d leave so they gave it to me. If you can do 30-34 hours a week it’s pretty seamless. I think working very part time like 15 hours a week or less is harder to swing in most industries. If you would like that, see if it’s an option. You might be surprised.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:33
Subject: I am exhausted
It’s very rare for a kid to have so many activities. In a family with 2-3 kids this wouldn’t be possible. Your kids childhood is flying by because you are outsourcing his free time. I’m not sure if you can’t say no or if you feel some kind of single child guilt but this is your biggest problem. Your kid could be at home with you folding laundry and making dinner. Instead he is on a Russian Olympic athlete boarding school. It needs to stop. 20 years from now you will not be saying thank his we did those ninja classes.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:25
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some good points made on this thread. The other thing I want to throw out is - it’s okay to limit your kids activities not because it’s too much for her, but because it’s too much for you. Really. Even if she thrives being busy, you can set some limits. If those four days are four activities, you can require her to pick only 2 or 3. You’re a person too and your preferences matter, plus, I think a less stressed mom is actually better for kids than a third or fourth activity.
I know, I know. I just hate limiting DC. I think a better solution is to spend my time differently while DC is in activities
As a parent with older kids, you will BOTH be ok if you have a blanket rule- only 1 or two activities per season. And/or carpool is required. Families with multiple kids do this and everyone is happier for it. Trust me!
We do only do 1-2 activities each season. But one is highly competitive and that's the time commitment and we honestly are less committed than many
How about carpools - any possibility there?
Is this gymnastics or swimming? I can't think of another sport that would demand this much time at this age. I have a DD doing very high-level soccer and it wasn't as much as what you are saying at that age.
Anyhow, she is capable of picking up after herself. You just need to spend the time to teach this skill alongside learning to tie shoes, etc. If you can't do it this winter, do it when school is out and make it a condition of leaving the house,
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:21
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some good points made on this thread. The other thing I want to throw out is - it’s okay to limit your kids activities not because it’s too much for her, but because it’s too much for you. Really. Even if she thrives being busy, you can set some limits. If those four days are four activities, you can require her to pick only 2 or 3. You’re a person too and your preferences matter, plus, I think a less stressed mom is actually better for kids than a third or fourth activity.
I know, I know. I just hate limiting DC. I think a better solution is to spend my time differently while DC is in activities
As a parent with older kids, you will BOTH be ok if you have a blanket rule- only 1 or two activities per season. And/or carpool is required. Families with multiple kids do this and everyone is happier for it. Trust me!
We do only do 1-2 activities each season. But one is highly competitive and that's the time commitment and we honestly are less committed than many
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:14
Subject: I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:I'm really starting to struggle with working a full time demanding job with a younger elementary schooler. My husband works a ton in an also demanding job. My job is as flexible as I could hope for in an industry that is notoriously inflexible, but it is not WFH, I have a commute, it's still more than 40 hours a week, dealing with external clients that have no boundaries in regards to my time. Our DC is very busy in activities, likes being busy and keeps asking for more. We have activities 4x a week. Two of those days are a short time commitment (45 min-hour) and the other 2 days are 3-4 hours each. Please don't comment that DC is overscheduled, this is how DC likes it. It's me that struggles... we are on the go constantly. There's never enough time to keep up with basic housework. We outsource cleaning 2x/mo. I do online grocery ordering, but basic things like putting clothes away after being washed are just completely neglected. Also, I used to be great at staying on top of everything and I'm just not anymore, despite it being in my calendar, I'm still missing things.
DH and I used to divide things more equally, but his job is more demanding and pays more than mine, so it's started shifting more to me. I am most definitely the primary parent. But my job is not an easy job. It requires a lot of critical thinking and management of projects, clients and employees. I just feel like something has to give. DC's childhood is flying by in a blur and I'm just stressed and tired 98% of the time.
Any advice?
But she's small. Honestly, her vote doesn't count here. Whatever her reality is, she will adjust and be happy with it. Also, sitting at home being bored in and of itself is an important thing to learn to do.
Also, teaching kids (and spouses) to pick up after themselves and stay organized IS and activity in and of itself and is a skill one needs to learn. It takes time. Lose a kid activity now, use that time to teach/implement daily chores and tidying means she learns how to do it without complaint and as part of a routine. Then, once she's got it down without it being an ordeal, you can likely use that time for more activities later as her daily chores won't take long and you will have more capacity to do more outside the house. Consider this as a life skill she needs to learn.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:10
Subject: I am exhausted
Also, set limits on your clients. Don't respond after 6 pm or whatever your cut off is. Even if you're still doing some work, send a message by not responding outside of business hours.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:09
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some good points made on this thread. The other thing I want to throw out is - it’s okay to limit your kids activities not because it’s too much for her, but because it’s too much for you. Really. Even if she thrives being busy, you can set some limits. If those four days are four activities, you can require her to pick only 2 or 3. You’re a person too and your preferences matter, plus, I think a less stressed mom is actually better for kids than a third or fourth activity.
I know, I know. I just hate limiting DC. I think a better solution is to spend my time differently while DC is in activities
As a parent with older kids, you will BOTH be ok if you have a blanket rule- only 1 or two activities per season. And/or carpool is required. Families with multiple kids do this and everyone is happier for it. Trust me!
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:07
Subject: I am exhausted
We pay a woman to come twice per week do to laundry and tidy and even food prep when we get our act together to meal plan.
It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.
It's the best $200/week I could ever spend.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:04
Subject: I am exhausted
My advice is to be kind to yourself and let something go.
So you're living out of laundry baskets. Can you outsource some to the house cleaner or DH? Get the kid involved in it. My kid's clothes aren't folded as nearly as I would like, but they put them away themselves.
That IS a lot of time in activities, but you say it's non negotiable. Use that time to place your grocery deliveries or smaller work projects.
Sure part time or an au pair or grandparents would be nice but for many of us it's not at all a possibility.
DH needs to step it up. Laundry, dishes... And the kid is capable of a lot too - wiping down counters and sinks, light vacuuming, cleaning up clutter like shoes.
So you're living out of laundry baskets. Can you outsource some to the house cleaner or DH? Get the kid involved in it. My kid's clothes aren't folded as nearly as I would like, but they put them away themselves.
That IS a lot of time in activities, but you say it's non negotiable. Use that time to place your grocery deliveries or smaller work projects.
Sure part time or an au pair or grandparents would be nice but for many of us it's not at all a possibility.
DH needs to step it up. Laundry, dishes... And the kid is capable of a lot too - wiping down counters and sinks, light vacuuming, cleaning up clutter like shoes.
Anonymous
04/10/2023 10:03
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Anonymous wrote:Some good points made on this thread. The other thing I want to throw out is - it’s okay to limit your kids activities not because it’s too much for her, but because it’s too much for you. Really. Even if she thrives being busy, you can set some limits. If those four days are four activities, you can require her to pick only 2 or 3. You’re a person too and your preferences matter, plus, I think a less stressed mom is actually better for kids than a third or fourth activity.
I know, I know. I just hate limiting DC. I think a better solution is to spend my time differently while DC is in activities
Anonymous
04/10/2023 09:56
Subject: Re:I am exhausted
Some good points made on this thread. The other thing I want to throw out is - it’s okay to limit your kids activities not because it’s too much for her, but because it’s too much for you. Really. Even if she thrives being busy, you can set some limits. If those four days are four activities, you can require her to pick only 2 or 3. You’re a person too and your preferences matter, plus, I think a less stressed mom is actually better for kids than a third or fourth activity.