Midwives at birth centers, not doctors or hospitals for both births.

We asked people to wait one week for both children.

My parents could not (first grandchild) and drove many hours just to "see" the baby our first day home. We kicked them out fairly quickly. At the end of week 1, everyone came to visit

Baby 2, everyone followed our request, and didn't come for a week

Anonymous wrote:We waited 2 1/2 years, until my child was up to date on vaccines and I was fully healed from childbirth and emotionally ready to be around other individuals. I cannot fathom the selfishness of parents rushing to just show their child off to the unvaccinated world in just a few weeks or months.

You sound ridiculous; everything you just said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.

Not telling people for two weeks is insane. What about your mother? What about your husband’s family? So many people want all the benefits of family but don’t want to ever accommodate anyone else.

Or maybe it isn't really beneficial? My ILs have never done anything for us. No babysitting. They have never paid for dinner, hosted us for dinner, or paid for takeout. They expect us to call and visit but only ever during holidays. They expect to have holiday celebrations in the day of the holiday -only option- and won't commit to a time. Have never given our sona birthday present.
But my FIl was waiting the morning after I had a 40 hour labor and the. C section at 11pm at night He never texted or called.to let us know and ask when waa a good time He just told the nurses he was waiting "for a good time" and it was obviously not a good time. So with my catheter still in, trying to breastfeed and pump, with a baby that has low blood sugar and monitoring bilirubin and completely exhausted not having showered for 2+ days I had to let my FIL in because it was apparently rude" to make.him wait which why the nurses brought him back without asking.
He never offered to get us food or coffee during his visit. They never came.over with anything postpartum and also did not gift us anything for baby shower (1st kid).
But yeah the benefits 😄

We waited 2 1/2 years, until my child was up to date on vaccines and I was fully healed from childbirth and emotionally ready to be around other individuals. I cannot fathom the selfishness of parents rushing to just show their child off to the unvaccinated world in just a few weeks or months.

We didn't have a time limit. I had some family and friends visit while I was still in the hospital.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in the hospital. I can't believe people do this. You have just gone through one of the most intense medical experiences you will ever have and need to rest. Also may have very painful boobs out (I could not tolerate anything touching them). The ONLY visitors you should have are ones you would feel like would help and you will not have to host, and who will only say supportive things. Basically, you want the people who you would be ok with holding your hair while you vomit and then cleaning it up (I'mnot saying you will vomit just this is a good heuristic for the comfort level you will want). In the hospital, the nurses will help you, so others are just taking important rest time.

I guess my your standard (only people you’d want holding your hair while your vomit), I’m still ok. We had our dearest friends within hours of me being in our room. All 4 grandparents right after. I can’t imagine but sharing our joy and the absolute blessing of the baby with these people. I agree with PPs that to each their own, but the alone way seems sad to me. And I’m an introvert!

+1

Anonymous wrote:No one in the hospital. I can't believe people do this. You have just gone through one of the most intense medical experiences you will ever have and need to rest. Also may have very painful boobs out (I could not tolerate anything touching them). The ONLY visitors you should have are ones you would feel like would help and you will not have to host, and who will only say supportive things. Basically, you want the people who you would be ok with holding your hair while you vomit and then cleaning it up (I'mnot saying you will vomit just this is a good heuristic for the comfort level you will want). In the hospital, the nurses will help you, so others are just taking important rest time.

I guess my your standard (only people you’d want holding your hair while your vomit), I’m still ok. We had our dearest friends within hours of me being in our room. All 4 grandparents right after. I can’t imagine but sharing our joy and the absolute blessing of the baby with these people. I agree with PPs that to each their own, but the alone way seems sad to me. And I’m an introvert!

Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.

Not telling people for two weeks is insane. What about your mother? What about your husband’s family? So many people want all the benefits of family but don’t want to ever accommodate anyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.

I’m happy this works for you, but it sounds so sad to me…

Sad? How childish.

I’m a total weirdo. Within the first 24 hours of my older DC’s life we had at least a dozen people come meet him. Both sets of parents, my sibs and spouses, BIL/SIL, and a handful of my girlfriends. It was a blast. We had cake and champagne and so much food. Lots of baby holding. It was really special to see how loved our baby was from day one. Different with younger DC who was a Covid baby and nobody got to visit in the hospital. For the second, we didn’t have visitors until the day we got home. Parents and sibs families first plus neighbors.

To each their own. My parents flew in and visited us, briefly, in the hospital the day after the birth. I was thrilled to have them there to celebrate our son. Labor had been long, drawn out and difficult, and it helped to have fresh faces so focused on celebrating his arrival.

Our daughter was a quick, easy delivery in the post-covid world and no visitors were allowed. I would’ve loved to have had a brief visitor to come see her, and us, to celebrate even if just for a few minutes. Her delivery was so easy that I was actually bored in the hospital until we were discharged.

No one in the hospital. I can't believe people do this. You have just gone through one of the most intense medical experiences you will ever have and need to rest. Also may have very painful boobs out (I could not tolerate anything touching them). The ONLY visitors you should have are ones you would feel like would help and you will not have to host, and who will only say supportive things. Basically, you want the people who you would be ok with holding your hair while you vomit and then cleaning it up (I'mnot saying you will vomit just this is a good heuristic for the comfort level you will want). In the hospital, the nurses will help you, so others are just taking important rest time.

Noone in the hospital (COVID).

My local parents met us at the house as we came home to greet the baby and then came and went for few days to help out. DHs sister and husband came the next day and stayed for most of the day. My best friend, her husband and kids came the day after for a short spell. All v. close relationships with whom we could have in the house w/o having to do any real "hosting" activities beyond can I get you a glass of something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.

I’m happy this works for you, but it sounds so sad to me…

Agree. Also judging "surprise we did a thing"

NP. If we had done this both sets of our parents would have disowned us, no kidding.

My parents traveled from their country for the birth and stayed with us for 6 months. They were extremely helpful and their support was invaluable. We had a lot of extended family come to visit us both to see the baby and my parents, starting at 3 months.
MIL lives in Eastern Europe and was unable to travel so we took the baby to meet her for the first birthday.