Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:54     Subject: Unpaid leave
I would ask. A job is a just a job. If you’re not ready to go back, you should advocate for yourself, whether that means asking for unpaid leave or quitting.

I took maternity leave with every intention of coming back at the end of it, but a combination of PPD, Covid, and difficulty finding childcare led me to quit at the end of it. The place I left was a toxic dump anyway. Do I wish things had worked out differently? Yes, partially because I don’t want to give moms on leave a bad name. But I had to prioritize my own well-being and that of my baby.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:32     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!


Uh that is illegal PP.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:30     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!


and still a misogynist. parents take leave. mom AND/OR dad


Does not appear you know what that word means. Women - who give birth - should absolutely be entitled to more leave you ghoul.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:28     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!


and still a misogynist. parents take leave. mom AND/OR dad


And you live in a land of privileged liberalism that is not the de facto world for most people. I am not PP, BTW.


Actually even i. Developing countries women are not separated from their babies at six months old, they are accepted as a part of the workplace. Only in the us do we have the factory daycare model for infants.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:26     Subject: Unpaid leave
Look it never hurts to ask. Going back Part time worked for me at about nine months. One thing you could offer is to help train someone part time to help with your position. Then you are offering them a solution to the new problem you are creating. Fwiw, I never went back to full time because I didn’t want to do after school care. I’m very lucky to have a job that allows part time flexibility.

It’s hard to find part time Nanny’s though. I would look for an in home daycare that offers part time flexibility.

Another thing to keep in mind is daycares tend to have more slots for two year olds if you do decide to take a year off - that might make daycare easier to find.

Good luck op.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:23     Subject: Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:I have a question about your partner's leave. Did they take time off when the baby was born? If so, it might have made sense to stagger those leaves.

How so? OP has said that she is not ready to go back to work. Having her partner stay home, doesn’t help with her feelings of not being ready.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:21     Subject: Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:I have a question about your partner's leave. Did they take time off when the baby was born? If so, it might have made sense to stagger those leaves.


What different does that make now?

OP, there is no harm in asking, especially since you are willing to quit if they say no. It will be a question of how valuable they think you are, whether they think you really will come back, and whether it's feasible for someone else to do your job. Don't count yourself out by quitting preemptively.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:21     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!


and still a misogynist. parents take leave. mom AND/OR dad


And you live in a land of privileged liberalism that is not the de facto world for most people. I am not PP, BTW.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:17     Subject: Unpaid leave
I have a question about your partner's leave. Did they take time off when the baby was born? If so, it might have made sense to stagger those leaves.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:14     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:Some of these responses are so defeating and make me realize why paid leave is so terrible in this country. Sad.


+1 women we are our own worst enemies.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 10:00     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!


and still a misogynist. parents take leave. mom AND/OR dad
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 09:55     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


You are either inexperienced, uneducated, or both. I am a mom, extremely pro family friendly policies, and own a small business. There’s zero chance I would survive if I had to hold open a job for every single mom I employ until an unspecified end date, paid or not. I offer generous leave but the deal is that you come back and do your job after it. What you are complaining about will lead to businesses just not hiring women of child-bearing age. Wow, what a women’s-rights activist you are!!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 09:03     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


This is extremely helpful, thank. I’m sorry for your experience. Did you eventually return to working?


I did. I still have mixed feelings about what happened with my job. I think leaving was absolutely the right choice, even with the later feedback, because my director was probably always going to be angry with me and hold my extended leave against me no matter what. On the other hand, it was hard to come back (made harder by Covid) and I do sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to just suck it up and go back to work at 4 months. However, as my DH points out, we were having a childcare crisis at the time AND I had been diagnosed with PPD, so my reasons for wanting more leave were complex and would have been really hard to remedy. Which is why I quit.

It's hard. Wishing you well in figuring out what is going to work for you and getting the support you need from work and elsewhere!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 08:52     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!


This is extremely helpful, thank. I’m sorry for your experience. Did you eventually return to working?
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2023 08:44     Subject: Re:Unpaid leave
OP, I tried to do this after a 4 month leave and it did not work out. It was frustrating and I definitely ran into some of the attitudes on this thread.

HOWEVER, after I quit my job, I wound up talking to someone in our HR department and she gave me a hard time for not pushing harder. Basically she told me I should have come to her and made the request formally through HR instead of just trying to work it out with my department. I had a director in my department who was VERY opposed to it and frankly angry with me for asking (not a parent, if you're wondering) and once I made the initial request, she was never going to change her mind. But my HR friend told me that there was actually blowback about the incident in the company because they view themselves as very family friendly and part of their hiring strategy is to hire people with a lot of experience who are looking for good work-life balance. So apparently people were upset with my director for, in their eyes, forcing me out by not being willing to compromise with a month or two of unpaid leave or some kind of offer to return gradually in a part time capacity.

Too late for me to benefit from this knowledge, but you still can! If you get pushback, talk to HR and also make sure you review all your company's leave policies very closely (my company had a policy of "up to a year" of leave, combining paid and unpaid, a the discretion of your manager, and I should have pushed a lot harder on that). If this matters to you, get what you can! Good luck!