Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

What does this mean?

She says "you bring your Rubik's cube too often to parties"
I'll get a notebook and bring it to the party. I'm social but at dull moments I'll write in it, just thoughts, maybe a question, maybe song lyrics
So later I'll see her and she criticizes the notepad.
Fast forward and I have something else. But these fidget things help with social anxiety and she seems to be against them. Maybe more some than others, but why does she get to be the social police for me.

B/c she doesn't like herself.

Anonymous wrote:Can you cook together?

Are you dyslexic?

I'm using the slide type to type faster, so it's making mistakes

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

How old are you guys? That may make a difference as to specific causes. But this is basically marriage: “Men marry women in the hope they never change; women marry men in the hope that they will.” A lot of men think that marriage is the end of the game, while a lot of women see it as only the beginning of a never ending husband improvement project. In addition, women as a group tend to be far more judgmental than men. Bottom line: there is no changing this, simply make your peace with it. Stoicism is, IMO, the most rational response. Go read some Marcus Aurelius and accept it just isn’t personal.

Anonymous wrote:Time for a heart-to-heart. Have you told her how you feel?

We are having the discussions and this is where it gets tricky. I bring up an issue but instead of dealing with issue 1, she brings up issue 2 and now the entire meeting is about issue 2.

So let's say it's about her ignoring me. I bring it up, then she brings up me going on Facebook. And before I can respond she's got like 6 different instances of when this has occurred and I'm trying to remember instance 2. So the conversations never go like I want them to. And they never get back to my points.

I feel isolated though. I don't know if she realizes what she's doing is cutting at my self conscious to so call build my social confidence. Like I was really having thoughts this morning of "quitting" the kind of work that I do. I don't know what that means though because would I really quit, or would I stop doing research, would I look for an admin or financial job?

So much of who I am is based on this personality and the fact that I was thinking of quitting is what made me write this today. I needed somebody to talk with and like I said my wife is good at turning it around and making me the villain (not saying I'm not) but I just wanted to vent today

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds horrible. I'd get a divorce. What give her the right to criticize you, is she a 10 or a tremendous achiever?

I don't want a divorce. I want the woman I married back. I feel like a child typing that.

If you want to work on the marriage, then meet her where she is and try to encourage some dialogue while doing it. Cook together, play scrabble together (don’t create a whole other game if her passion is Scrabble!), share with her your favorite Bible verse if you share the same religion.

But you do deserve better than constant critique and it’s ok to share your feelings about that honestly and openly with her.

Anonymous wrote:This is not a real question and I don't want an answer. But I am a socially awkward guy who is successful. By no means do I think I'm perfect, but I would love to come in from work one day and hear that I did something well. Does that ever happen to men?

I come home and try to spend time with her but she always tells me she doesn't want to hear about our direct care about my interests whether that be books or TV shows or games, parenting whatever. No-go.

Instead, she'll point out things I do wrong that I guess embarrass her and focus on that, telling me how to improve. But then I improve and create another dependency and the cycle repeats.

It's frustrating because I feel like she married this nerdy dude and she knew he was nerdy. Now she's trying to change me for social acceptance, and meanwhile nerdy me feels isolated.

What does this mean?

Can you cook together?

Are you dyslexic?

OP I would seek therapy. Couples or alone. Contempt is one of the harbingers of divorce. Your marriage is in trouble. Find out why.

Maybe affair, maybe she doesn't love you anymore, maybe she never did. Find out what is going on so you can make a decision.

Time for a heart-to-heart. Have you told her how you feel?

What was she like before you married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Develop a new hobby that's somewhat masculine, like woodworking. Also, begin volunteering at a soup kitchen. You want respect, not neediness

I have a lot of masculine hobbies that I don't have time for because of kids - I play sports and do ligh home repair. But those are not what I do for fun, more things that I do for necessity, if the boys are doing it or if sheet rock needs repair. What I do for fun is sudokus. But wifey doesn't like that.

What does she like to do? And what do you like about her?

Read the Bible (but she doesn't like to discuss it with me)
Listen to music
Watch TV sometimes (when she has time)
Cook
She had other hobbies too like books and education but she keeps that stuff distant from me.

I hate word games. She loves them. She loves Scrabble. So I thought I'd create a word game that she'd love. I created it and started playing with the kids, and she refused to participate. Like it was against her religion.

So we play the game and it keeps the kids from acting up. She gives me no credit for it, but blames me for being distracted while playing the game though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You deserve better. Lots of nerdy girls out there. Or just kind ones.

One does wonder why he didn’t marry one in the first place. Maybe for “social acceptance”?

No, I think that's easy to understand. This fool was in love and wife wasn't like that before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Develop a new hobby that's somewhat masculine, like woodworking. Also, begin volunteering at a soup kitchen. You want respect, not neediness

I have a lot of masculine hobbies that I don't have time for because of kids - I play sports and do ligh home repair. But those are not what I do for fun, more things that I do for necessity, if the boys are doing it or if sheet rock needs repair. What I do for fun is sudokus. But wifey doesn't like that.

What does she like to do? And what do you like about her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine also said out of nowhere that he wants to hear how awesome he was. I said negative things only when he had unloaded 10 on me. I didn't have any positive things say to be honest, so I didn't.
We hardly talked, so it's not like I was going on and on about his bad behavior socially. He just had a need an I couldn't fulfill it after days and days of silent treatment.

And this is how affairs happen, even with fat/old/ugly women wives are shocked by.

Because women fail to sufficiently fawn over men who treat them badly? OK.

Well, yes, and because another woman will.