Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 12:23     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:This sounds crazy, but I swear it works:

Before you ask him to do something, go somewhere out of eyeline of the kids and make sure he is looking at you. Then, take both of your hands, put one on each of your boobs, and lift them and squeeze them together to create a bunch of cleavage. At that point, you will have his complete attention, and you can ask him to do whatever it is that you want him to do and be sure it will get done.

I’ve been married for 15 years and have three kids and this still works.


Can…can I do chores?
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 12:22     Subject: Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Yup nothing is less attractive than a helpless man. Especially those who work from home is sweats. Biggest turn off ever
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 12:19     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:Just tell him plainly, “I can be your lover, or I can be your Mommy. But Mommies don’t f*ck their little boys, so if I have to take care of you and clean up after you all the time you aren’t getting your d*ck sucked.”


I would never be so crass but essentially this is true, which is a big part of why we don't have sex. I do feel like he’s my large, annoying son.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 12:17     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
My EX H was exactly the same way. Exactly. He was an alcoholic.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 12:10     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do men understand that this is why their wives aren’t interested in sex?
It’s not really choreplay. It’s just that being unreliable is a turn off, and the entire time your wife is doing stuff that you said you would do, she kind of hates you. Especially if she’s tired.


This. It's a lack of respect-- she loses respect for him because he's unreliable, lazy, selifhs, and irresponsible. So she does the chores he said he would do, thinking all the while about how she regrets marrying him. Then he wants sex.



You have literally just summed up 99% of all marriages.

WHY don't they get it?! DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO. So easy.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:59     Subject: Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or he is good at prioritizing and what you think is important maybe really isn’t that important. Or he has his own list of stuff. How many of these things does he ask you to do?

But let’s stick with the typical blame ADHD, DCUM response.


My DH's own list of stuff is working out and working.

Missed deadline for tax assessment appeal- he said he would do it
Didnt make surgical f/u appt for the vet visit that he attended and then never called to make it
Did not repair screens this winter so we are either hot or need to turn on AC once its warm
Took 2 years to flush the instant hot water heater after the year 1 of install (needs to be done yearly)
Was 3 months late registering his car. Said he did it when it was due but never got stickers and then realized it 3 months after the fact.


In my world, my DH doesnt need to ask me to do anything because I do almost everything not directly house-repair related. He does do toilets, trash, and recycling, and cleans the garage.

I do all appointments for kids and animals, all handyman scheduling, all FSA/HSA medical receipts tracking and submission, summer camps, spring break camps, sports sign-ups, meal planning, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, deep cleaning, purging, daily house pickup, all family scheduling, all birthday party gifts, school paperwork, vacuuming, laundry for myself, kids, towels, sheets, etc. I have a written out list of breakfast lunch and dinner each day. Still have to remind him to start making dinner at 4-430 because I am working and he is not.

He didn't take the trash out Monday and I noticed when I came home from dropping my kid off so I did it, he didn't have to ask because I saw something not done and did it. He took out the recycling this morning but didn't empty the recycling bin in the kitchen- still did it without being asked.

Love him but it is frustrating.



The hardware store will fix your screens for very little dinero - drop them off and pick them up a week or two later. Deduct from husband’s discretionary income. Don’t live without fresh air because husband is dud in chores department.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:30     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, if my DH says he will do something I know he won’t and I put it on my own list. It does make me hate him, slowly. I hope we make it.


If I could go back in time or tell my younger self something it would definitely include to watch for this early in a relationship. Because it is not going to change or get better and it does make you hate or resent the person so much.

You might think that it's more important that your partner be a good person or share your values etc. (the big things), but the little things you have to live with day to day can destroy your relationship.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:29     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:Do men understand that this is why their wives aren’t interested in sex?
It’s not really choreplay. It’s just that being unreliable is a turn off, and the entire time your wife is doing stuff that you said you would do, she kind of hates you. Especially if she’s tired.


This. It's a lack of respect-- she loses respect for him because he's unreliable, lazy, selifhs, and irresponsible. So she does the chores he said he would do, thinking all the while about how she regrets marrying him. Then he wants sex.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:22     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Just tell him plainly, “I can be your lover, or I can be your Mommy. But Mommies don’t f*ck their little boys, so if I have to take care of you and clean up after you all the time you aren’t getting your d*ck sucked.”
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:13     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
I feel solidarity. This has been my life for 30 years.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 08:02     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Do men understand that this is why their wives aren’t interested in sex?
It’s not really choreplay. It’s just that being unreliable is a turn off, and the entire time your wife is doing stuff that you said you would do, she kind of hates you. Especially if she’s tired.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 07:27     Subject: Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
I have the same issue with my DH. What has been working recently is, if I ask him to do something important and he says he'll take care of it, I just then ask him how he plans to remember to do it. He'll then usually put a reminder in his phone or something.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 07:18     Subject: Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Or he is good at prioritizing and what you think is important maybe really isn’t that important. Or he has his own list of stuff. How many of these things does he ask you to do?

But let’s stick with the typical blame ADHD, DCUM response.


My DH's own list of stuff is working out and working.

Missed deadline for tax assessment appeal- he said he would do it
Didnt make surgical f/u appt for the vet visit that he attended and then never called to make it
Did not repair screens this winter so we are either hot or need to turn on AC once its warm
Took 2 years to flush the instant hot water heater after the year 1 of install (needs to be done yearly)
Was 3 months late registering his car. Said he did it when it was due but never got stickers and then realized it 3 months after the fact.


In my world, my DH doesnt need to ask me to do anything because I do almost everything not directly house-repair related. He does do toilets, trash, and recycling, and cleans the garage.

I do all appointments for kids and animals, all handyman scheduling, all FSA/HSA medical receipts tracking and submission, summer camps, spring break camps, sports sign-ups, meal planning, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, deep cleaning, purging, daily house pickup, all family scheduling, all birthday party gifts, school paperwork, vacuuming, laundry for myself, kids, towels, sheets, etc. I have a written out list of breakfast lunch and dinner each day. Still have to remind him to start making dinner at 4-430 because I am working and he is not.

He didn't take the trash out Monday and I noticed when I came home from dropping my kid off so I did it, he didn't have to ask because I saw something not done and did it. He took out the recycling this morning but didn't empty the recycling bin in the kitchen- still did it without being asked.

Love him but it is frustrating.


This is why I quit my $300k/yr job and I’m so much happier. He couldn’t stop treating me like a SAHW so I became one.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 07:15     Subject: Re:Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Yeah, if my DH says he will do something I know he won’t and I put it on my own list. It does make me hate him, slowly. I hope we make it.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2023 07:12     Subject: Husband doesn't do what he says he will do, even little things.
Lol PP ^

I am the wife and I'm like this. Every single time DH asks me to do something I make a calendar reminder in my phone. It's the only way I remember. I also have a white board calendar.