Anonymous wrote:I do with zero regrets. My parents live with us. I can't imagine them being anywhere else. I'd never put them in assisted living. They love and have supported me my entire life, and I've always planned to take care of them from when I was younger.

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

Anonymous wrote:I will have to support my dad. Like PP said, it really has nothing to do with what I am picturing. I had pictured him saving properly for retirement but that ship has long since sailed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this even a question? I've been supporting my parents and in-law parents for the past twenty years. My in-law parents are currently living with us so that my wife can take good care of them. Without my parents' love and support when I was young, I would not be where I am today.

Where are you from? India?

Anonymous wrote:I provided cash to my parents for their last ten years or so. Not necessarily a ton, but I would give checks to my dad when I was visiting. My mom would have said no, yet she never really recognized the change in their bank account balance. They worked hard their whole lives, but you can't squeeze more out of lowish paying jobs.

My ILs are on the path where they may seek support and it does rankle me a bit. They had a generous amount of money, but they've blown through it on expensive vacations, winter house rentals, dining out, cloths shopping, etc. OTOH, DH was always generous with my parents and told me never to worry when I was worrying about their finances, so I don't think I can say no even if it didn't need to come to this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

Does your sibling help your parents at all?

My parents are no longer here and, when they were, there was not a ton of cash even though they worked hard nearly their whole lives. But fortunately, my siblings and I were self sufficient and always able to come to agreement on how to support them, next steps, etc. I generally contributed more as our HHI is much higher than my siblings. Their final years were stressful enough - I can't imagine this as an overlay on it.

PP, good luck.

One sibling helps with the physical care, and I recognize that’s huge, so yes, I help some due to that. The other can’t financially - in short, both siblings are not financially able. What I can’t afford and won’t do is drive our own finances into the ground to support a standard of living that’s no longer viable. Especially since my husband and I have offered many very nice free solutions, including a lovely 5 br home in a great area for retirement. My mother would love to go into a condo place with others her age for the socialization but my father screams no and she caves. I told her that at any point, we would get her out and into one, that her social security goes with her, and then the others will freak and probably choose to make a change. She’s too timid to do it. The problem all along has been very bad decisions on my father’s part, and after his stroke, my mother refused to engage.

Anonymous wrote:I pay a lot of my mom’s bills. Her heating oil, cable, internet. I send her checks to help pay for special things like getting stairs fixed, a new furnace, etc. I send her checks to help with buying Christmas gifts and the like.
She lives on Social Security, and mostly manages on that, but I help as much as I can.

Anonymous wrote:? I see myself supporting my parents with driving and advocating for their healthcare needs but not paying their bills or setting up an in-law apartment in my house.

Anonymous wrote:How many parents fully support their children? Like no debt even during undergrad or grad schooling?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. We do help my parents but won’t do much because they won’t help themselves. Money was never with a financial planner - they let it run into the ground because my father is stubborn. Could have been over a million by now but nope. Sibling lives with them and is pissed now that they are nearing 90 and disabled. She’s always worked her passion which paid low. Brother followed his bliss, which led to meth addiction late in life. He’s kicked it but he lives paycheck to paycheck.

My husband and I have offered a lot of help for them to be able to help themselves. Money is tied up in their home. If they sold and moved to one of many free properties we offered, one around the corner no less, they could hire full time help. They live on SS but it’s over 3K/mo, so a smaller place, SS and an additional 550K would set them up. Very able bodied sibling screams ‘what about me!’. Well sibling, you can still live with them but wouldn’t have a suite upstairs all to yourself. You’d have one bedroom. Beggars and all that.

SO bottom line - help only those that are willing to be cooperative and help themselves

Does your sibling help your parents at all?

My parents are no longer here and, when they were, there was not a ton of cash even though they worked hard nearly their whole lives. But fortunately, my siblings and I were self sufficient and always able to come to agreement on how to support them, next steps, etc. I generally contributed more as our HHI is much higher than my siblings. Their final years were stressful enough - I can't imagine this as an overlay on it.

PP, good luck.