Almost 17y old twin boys. They mostly live parallel lives with some intersection. They are so different in personality that it is challenging when they interact (one VERY introverted and one VERY extroverted.) Every once in a while, they will play a video game together, but that isn't the norm. I am interested to see how things evolve as they get older.

I honestly feel so lucky- mine are 2 years apart (DS17 and DD15) and they have always been friends. DS was a happy go lucky toddler when she was born and he mostly ignored her or tried to bring her toys. But was never the kid who begged for attention when I was focusing on her. I think a lot just has to do with temperament of the kids and chemistry. My DH is 2 years older than his sister and they never got along (and still don't). My sister and I (she is 3 1/2 years older) mostly got along but it really got solidified when she left for college and I truly felt the loss. Mine drive to school together every day, say hi in the halls at school when they pass each other, etc. DD friends were al over the other day and after DS chatted with them all for a couple minutes one of her friends said "seriously your brother is so nice to you. Mine hates me and all he does is make fun of me and pick fights". I think that is more the norm than how mine are.

My ILs are friends with DH when they want something - that count, OP?

My kids went the other way. They were friends growing up, and then stopped around the time the older one hit 8th grade. Now they’re 16 and 19 and want nothing to do with one another.

OP, I think what you describe is way more common than not!

I have three kids: DD(11), DS(9), DS(6.5). The older two started playing well when they were 5 and 3 and still often enjoy each other’s company. They’ve definitely started bickering more in the past six months than ever before; DD is full-on tween and DS sometimes deliberately annoys her.

Both boys are starting to play together more and all three will still do stuff together (NERF gun battles, random games they made up during the pandemic, etc.).

I have a sister who is four years younger than me. We were close for a while after I left for college, but her life has gone off the rails and we rarely communicate now. DH and I intentionally had a shorter age gap between the kids to increase the chances of them being close as kids, at least. We were lucky we never had issues conceiving.

Mine are two years apart - older boy and younger girl. They were pretty smitten with one another from the get go. They were always the best of friends until probably 9 and 11. They are now 11 and 13 and fight a lot. They will still play a board game or basketball or watch a show together but that often ends in a fight.

I think it’s interesting how many more distant relationships are described between posters and their siblings, than between their kids. I think we’re programmed to see things though rose colored glasses when it comes to our children.

The teen years. When your 16 or 17 year old can take lil sis out to lunch or for ice cream without parents. For mine, it was also being in the 15-18 age group at the summer swim team together that made them closer.

My kids (older girl and younger boy) are 22 months apart. She has always viewed her brother as “her” playmate from the day he was born. She couldn’t wait for him to crawl so they could do stuff together. They have their bickering moments at 9 and 11 but on days they are stuck inside they still have a great time hanging out. There is no doubt in my mind they would stick up for each other and protect each other. This is something I never had with my own (older) brother who still resents me. It makes me so happy - I am hopeful they continue to care for each other like that into adulthood.

My sister and I are 3 years apart. We fought a lot as kids and started getting along in our late 20s. We aren’t close and don’t hang out or ever travel to see each other, just so our kids can get together. We talk and text if we need to communicate about our parents health. We probably would not be friends if we were not related since we have nothing in common. There is no anger or hard feelings, we are just different people.

BUT some of our kids are close as cousins and talk or text frequently. We also found we sometimes have more in common with the others kids and call or text for parenting advice. All of the kids have great relationships with their aunts.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 and 13 and are very different, have different friend groups, etc. They also have parallel existence like others have mentioned. That being said when a crazy relative comes over or we’re away on vacation I see them run off together/bond LOL. I know that bond is in there and I will just get stronger as they get older.

My two are same ages, G is 13, B is 11

They are actually each other's BFF right now but that's because we live in a neighborhood with no kids so they are sort of stuck with each other. I don't know how it will look when the G goes to HS in a year and the B is in MS. They will be on different paths at that point until college aged.

I agree that it's personality and family dependent. I am not close to my older sister who is only 2 years older than I am. Literally haven't talked to her in years. She was / is just not interested in a relationship.

When they were around 1-2 and 3. I have two boys. They are 2.5 years apart and incredibly close. They were always sitting on top of one another and had the same interests. They play the same sport. They had almost their own language. They made up characters and goofy voices. Even now at 15 and 17 (Fresh. and Junior) when they have been apart--out with their own friends or at school when they reunite it's crazy laughter and one can't wait to show the other something.

We are really lucky that they have such a tight bond. They can have a fight now or then or annoy the other, but they really are very close.

I just kind of threw them in the same camps as kids to make my job easier for pick-ups/drop-offs, etc. and I was lucky they seemed to have the same interests.

They look very much alike, but actually their personalities are quite different. The older one has always been more cautious, quieter until you know him and less of a risk taker. The younger one is one big ball of energy with a smile ear-to-ear and a risk-taker. The younger one is much more into what he's wearing, has his pulse on the latest thing and the older one could care less and is much less concerned with what other people think. I think they compliment each other well.

I think if their birth order were reversed it would be a completely different relationship. The older one has the patience of a saint so tolerated the younger one at his most annoying and temperamental.

Lately, due to Final 4 they are in the driveway at the basketball hoop like when they were little as soon as they come through the door. They had all kinds of made up games with rules down in the basement as kids. Before bed they both get insanely hyper and one is hiding to jump out at the other or has a nerf gun or ball and it's like they were 6 again. The younger one is going to miss big bro when he leaves for college in a year.

My kids are 17 and 19 and they just started to be friends this year when the 19yr old went to college.

As you can see, it varies hugely depending on the family. I’m very good friends with both my sisters, one much older and one slightly older. My kids (1 and 3) are excellent friends right now but I have no idea if that will last through the elementary, where the two year age gap looms large. I have three friends who have brothers three years older than them: one has always been super close with her brother, another actively disliked him until they were adults and now they get along okay but not great, the third liked her brother but wasn’t close with him in grade school but is very close to him as an adult. You just don’t know what will happen.