How do you share a porch?

^ There are plenty of “mainstream” (non-ultra conservative) Christian/Catholic schools around. If your neighbors chose an ultra-conservative school, it means something. You can give them a (little) benefit of doubt, but be watchful.

Let the kids keep playing outside, don’t let them play in their house, watch out for anything bigoted that their kids might say to your kids. At the first sign of that, done with the playing.

We’re not a religious family, but I would send my kids to a Catholic or Christian school if we could afford it. Our local school is poorly rated. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t bother pretending to be friendly and I sure wouldn’t let my kids play with yours. So perhaps you should assume the family likes you since they are pleasant and let their kids play with yours.

Sigh coming from a conservative family - I have been terrified that some of my kids friends would find out our political or religious affiliations. We are Catholic and conservative, but we also love our neighbors and believe everyone should just live their best lives. I don’t judge and don’t teach my children to judge. And our schools certainly don’t teach my children to judge others or their beliefs or their lifestyles. I get you feel duped, but could they have been honest with you? It sounds like no ….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

you don’t know they feel this way. You are being extremely judgmental for no reason, they clearly like you as neighbors and let their kids play with yours. Be happy.

Seriously. OP is jumping to massive conclusions. Not a good way to live.

I am very non-religious myself and made a friend at the playground with whom we vibe very well together - similar ideas, similar parenting styles. They're in church every Sunday. I don't know how hardcore their church is, but it's not a mainline United Methodist Rainbow Flag church. When we have been together, we say a non-religious type of "grace" before eating, but in general our different views on faith don't enter into our friendship and discussions, except incidentally or when we're having a philosophical discussion about faith and things like that. We approach each other's traditions and upbringing with curiosity but don't really make a big deal about the differences.

It's probably best to keep it that way, and let the kids play; especially since their friendship might peter out as they grow older anyway or their interests diverge, and school takes precedence. If you find that you have to be personally related to these neighbor parents in a closer way, or if there are any problematic behaviors from the kids towards your kids, then I'd look into reducing contact.

OP, as a fellow queer parent I get where you’re coming from (PPs: when someone is advocating for me not to have basic human rights, it’s not “intolerant” to not feel super safe around them). That being said, unless the family has actually expressed bigoted views to you, I would continue to be neighborly with them. As others say, humanizing things the church demonizes is a good way to get people out of “such and such a group isn’t really human” mindsets and moght counter any damage the school’s ideology might do to their kid. Maybe not drop off playdates though.

Stay friendly. Be alert for any concerns.

Continue to model what a nice, normal, lovely family you have that breaks the stereotypes they might have.

If they’ve always been pleasant and fine about your kids playing together, I would not let a Christian school magnet make me think they are suddenly rabid gay-bashers.

Anonymous wrote:If it makes a difference it appears to be a Christian, probably evangelical, school attached to a pretty conservative church.

— op

Sure it makes a difference.

It shows that in this situation you’re judgmental and they aren’t.

How does a car magnet tell you what they think about your family? I don’t get it.

They’re probably just doing private K, maybe private 1st, for a year or two before switching back to public. A lot of people like the smaller class sizes in private, or maybe their kid has a borderline/summer birthday and they want to do a year of private K and then see where the kid is at the end of the year before they decide to send to public 1st or repeat K in public. I would just MYOB about this unless something comes up directly, like if you found out they were at the capital on January 6th or whatever and then you can start to pull away from the relationship if needed.

Anonymous wrote:I feel silly to admit this, but I feel duped or almost lied to by this family. Granted this is my fault because I assumed in my liberal area of NoVA that everyone thought like us. Small minded and dumb of me I know!

I’m just angry I guess that my kid still has to grow up in a world where people hate me and who I love.

Spiraling through the stages of grief right now.

— op

If this is for real, you are taking this much too seriously.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the above PP, wanted to add. If they are conservative seeing your family as a family may change their mind by your interactions with them. If you cut them off they won’t see you for who you are. I work in LE with generally more conservative people. Two people have told me their views on gay marriage have changed after seeing how my wife and I raise our child. That’s a win for me..

If you cut them off, they will see you for who you are. Judgmental.