I come from a “good family” though we are not perfect. I am of Pakistani origin so I’m sure there are some cultural differences.

Both of my parents come from “good families.” My grandparents were not rich but worked diligently in respectable professions. The grandfathers were the head of the home and ensure moral, intellectual and financial best was always observed. Children were raised with care and with the expectation to have the best manners and disposition. Men were gentlemen and women were ladies. You always dress neatly and present yourself well. You speak politely and do not raise your voice. You go into “respectable professions” such as academia, law, medicine or civil service.

You do not drink or do drugs. There is no tolerance for sloppy behavior or debauchery. You respect your elders and respect women in your family. The women learn to paint, needlework, and classical singing. The men are all amateur poets. Education is a noble pursuit, second only to good morals.

You are never rude or impolite and especially treat the less fortunate with kindness. My parents treated their staff like good. My father paid for one of our maids daughter to go to school. And extra food in our pantry would always be gifted to the chauffeurs or the maids.

I live in America now and am married to an American. American “good” families are slightly different in that there is a tremendous emphasis on wealth and material goods and designer clothes. They lack basic rules or civility and treat those who are less fortunate as paupers.

Good family = stability

Anonymous wrote:I hear it referenced here a lot and I think I know what it means but I’d like some examples. How do we know if we are a good family or how can we make a good family for our children?

Each member feels: Happy; Respectful; Kind; and Forgiving.

Anonymous wrote:Still married or divorce is very amicable
Financially responsible-- whether UMC, MC, or LMC you must live within your means, and by the time you are 60 have no debt other than mortgage
Personable, courteous, easy to be with and never makes a scene, know how to behave in most situations.
No public airing of dirty laundry, yelling, making a scene, suing each other, basically keep it indoors.
Prioritize stability, education, and being a constructive member of society-- find somewhere to volunteer.

Most importantly, absolutely no addiction or criminal record.

Such low bars we set for ourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Wait what?

You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?

That’s crazy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of those things that’s defined by what it isn’t.

If you are over 22 and think that Eminem and Rihanna’s song “Love the way you Lie” is not about domestic violence, but about two “perfectly imperfect people who are there for each other,” then you are probably not a “good family.”

What? How is that helpful?

It's actually quite insightful, as it demonstrates that parental maturity is a key element of "good families."

Anonymous wrote:Still married or divorce is very amicable
Financially responsible-- whether UMC, MC, or LMC you must live within your means, and by the time you are 60 have no debt other than mortgage
Personable, courteous, easy to be with and never makes a scene, know how to behave in most situations.
No public airing of dirty laundry, yelling, making a scene, suing each other, basically keep it indoors.
Prioritize stability, education, and being a constructive member of society-- find somewhere to volunteer.

Most importantly, absolutely no addiction or criminal record.

Well, but if you're divorced then you're not a family anymore, are you?

I don't think what a lot of people are describing "keeping up appearances" means you're a good family. I think the really good families have some messy emotions, but the difference is that, yes, they are stable and know they will get through it. It doesn't mean never yelling or having a perfect home. To me it means that there is real respect and kindness and commitment in the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Wait what?

You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Wait what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

Anonymous wrote:Basically I interpret it as meaning a family that doesn't bring problems with them, instead a family that is consistently responsible for themselves and helpful to others. My in-laws and my parents could not be more culturally different, but both considers the others a good family because they are supportive, reliable, and don't have any major issues of their own that cause trouble for others. Everyone financially stable, takes care of their own problems, mentally sane (mostly) and would be helpful to me and DH if we truly needed help.

And of course, just basically being nice to people day to day is essential.

+1 people are married and financially stable and outwardly project an image of being in control of their lives

Functional extended family on good terms

Both poor and rich families can be good families or not good families.

Good doesn't equate to well to do, it means managing within their means and striving to do better.