Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

+1. The favorite in our family would say the same even though it's 100% obvious to every one else that there's favoritism. It sad to me.. parents are creating a divide between siblings that doesn't need to be there. They're open about their favoritism... once we had kids it really tanked what was a good relationship.

DH has two other siblings besides this SIL. I've asked them both, because she is so insistent that there's favoritism, and they both say they don't see it.

He's not giving unequal time, or unequal gifts.

Well duh, they're not going to tell you because your the favorite family. And you're an IL. They just don't want to piss you off. I guarantee it's noticeable. Have you asked the other SILs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

+1. The favorite in our family would say the same even though it's 100% obvious to every one else that there's favoritism. It sad to me.. parents are creating a divide between siblings that doesn't need to be there. They're open about their favoritism... once we had kids it really tanked what was a good relationship.

DH has two other siblings besides this SIL. I've asked them both, because she is so insistent that there's favoritism, and they both say they don't see it.

He's not giving unequal time, or unequal gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

Agreed. My MIL will get gifts for DH's older children (first marriage) not our kids who are younger. DH is aware but will just twist it. I think it's terrible when grandparents do that. Despite this wants weekly updates and video calls.
Older kids don't message or call her often. Maybe once a year.

100% this. It's blatantly obvious to those who aren't the favorites. The kids see it especially as they get older. We've just stopped contacting the grandparents as much and asking them to do stuff because we know we'll be put on the back burner to the favorite. It's not worth it-it's their loss. My kids are older teens.

PP here - 100 per cent agree. It's their loss. I will now stop updates. I also think problem is DH for not calling her out in my case.
Told him I will no longer be sticking my kids on video chats to " perfom" like they are circus animals.
Plenty of love from my side of the family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

Agreed. My MIL will get gifts for DH's older children (first marriage) not our kids who are younger. DH is aware but will just twist it. I think it's terrible when grandparents do that. Despite this wants weekly updates and video calls.
Older kids don't message or call her often. Maybe once a year.

100% this. It's blatantly obvious to those who aren't the favorites. The kids see it especially as they get older. We've just stopped contacting the grandparents as much and asking them to do stuff because we know we'll be put on the back burner to the favorite. It's not worth it-it's their loss. My kids are older teens.

Anonymous wrote:Usually it is the kid of the favorite child. Barring that, sometimes it is the grandkid they spend the most time with (lives close by etc).

That is interesting because you would think the favorite grandchild would be the child of the one who did the most for the family, on the whole (ex: gives them job/s, fixes computer/s, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

+1. The favorite in our family would say the same even though it's 100% obvious to every one else that there's favoritism. It sad to me.. parents are creating a divide between siblings that doesn't need to be there. They're open about their favoritism... once we had kids it really tanked what was a good relationship.

+1

Agree. When the favoriting grandparent/s pass/es, the favoritism will be their legacy. So gross.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do have a favorite but only because he's older, an adult and his mother is not in the picture anymore. We give him everything he asks for.
The other grandkids don't know nor do their parents know.
But even if they did or do know I don't care.

Trust me, the other grandkids and their parents know. Same situation in our family. It is very obvious. Grandma feels sorry for the kid and tries to fill the cracks with money.

They definitely know. My DD7 isn’t the favorite grandkid and she’s well aware

+1

Kids are not stupid. They pick up on how their grandparents act, because they want to see the grandparents as "good" - until they don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

Agreed. My MIL will get gifts for DH's older children (first marriage) not our kids who are younger. DH is aware but will just twist it. I think it's terrible when grandparents do that. Despite this wants weekly updates and video calls.
Older kids don't message or call her often. Maybe once a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

+1. The favorite in our family would say the same even though it's 100% obvious to every one else that there's favoritism. It sad to me.. parents are creating a divide between siblings that doesn't need to be there. They're open about their favoritism... once we had kids it really tanked what was a good relationship.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

It's only not clear to the one with the favorite.

In my family it's the kids who seemed happy to spend time with the grandparents. There were multiple favorites, but the kid who only wanted iPad time and the shy kid weren't that into grandparents.

The grandchildren are mostly grown now, and the grandparents get along well with all of them except the one who won't talk during meals and leaves the room as soon as a meal is over. My parents treat them equally, but the outlier just isn't into it.

My SIL is convinced that one of my kids is the favorite, and tells her children so regularly, even about things that, from where I sit, don't seem like favoritism.

It's not always clear cut.

My grandmother told me that my brother was her favorite because he was first. He made her a grandmother. That felt great…

For my IL’s it’s the kids of the favorite local child. My parents like the best behaved and most low maintenance one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do have a favorite but only because he's older, an adult and his mother is not in the picture anymore. We give him everything he asks for.
The other grandkids don't know nor do their parents know.
But even if they did or do know I don't care.

You are a horrible grandmother

This. Instead of filling in for the mother he doesn't have you just throw money at it. And he"s an adult. Sad.