Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if he was deliberately messing with you, or if he is just a narcissist/deeply troubled/bad person who can mask it for a while before everything falls apart (you are very lucky that his mask dropped after only a month; some people drop it after they are already married or with a child and then you are F-Ed). Blocking him was very wise.

It’s true that red flags should have been going off earlier, big time. That’s the only thing you should be reflecting on, not his behavior, which isn’t your problem anymore (thankfully!).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Thanks PP. it was only for just over two months and it was fine, even great, for about the first month. You are correct that my relationship experience is lacking. He came on very strong and seemed to hone in on exactly what I wanted in a relationship. Very attentive and present, until he wasn’t. It seems illogical to me that he spent so much time cultivating a relationship only to do a 180 and act foolish a month later. It also seems illogical that if he’s irritated by me that he’d keep trying to come back after I broke it off. Anyway, point taken not to give people like this more than a second chance.

He sounds broken. No point in trying to figure it out as you will never know. I would worry more about why you put up with some of this, so you can recognize red flags earlier next time.

Anonymous wrote:^^ Thanks PP. it was only for just over two months and it was fine, even great, for about the first month. You are correct that my relationship experience is lacking. He came on very strong and seemed to hone in on exactly what I wanted in a relationship. Very attentive and present, until he wasn’t. It seems illogical to me that he spent so much time cultivating a relationship only to do a 180 and act foolish a month later. It also seems illogical that if he’s irritated by me that he’d keep trying to come back after I broke it off. Anyway, point taken not to give people like this more than a second chance.

Anonymous wrote:Dated a guy who came on strong, was attentive, polite, interested. But then he’d ghost for a few days without explanation. Twice he failed to show up for a date at all. He’d lovingly say he’d do something then fail to follow through. Or worse, he’d do the thing but mix in some other unpleasant aspect that would ruin the entire thing. Like for my birthday he gave me a novel that he said had a lot of meaning to him, but the inside had a note to “Nikki” (lol my name isn’t Nikki). Okay so he was effing with me. Like the entire time. But why? I didn’t do anything unkind to him. In fact, I actually really liked him and in many ways it seemed like he liked me too. But he kept effing with me. Super weird. If he didn’t like me, why not just dump me and move on? He chased me quite a bit after I broke up with him. I don’t get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s “effing” with you because you’re allowing him to. Desperate much? Are you “effing” effing him, too?

Eh, no need to mock the term OP's using. It gets used here sometimes because the DCUM site rules sometimes seem to flag the actual term.

I’m not mocking. She used the term, and I’m referring to it both as “messing” with someone, and “copulating” with them. But since you don’t like that, how about this.

OP, he’s messing with you because, despite his treatment you keep crawling back. I’m assuming you are also an easy lay and you keep allowing him to sleep with you, so he comes back when he wants a warm place to put it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dated a guy who came on strong, was attentive, polite, interested. But then he’d ghost for a few days without explanation. Twice he failed to show up for a date at all. He’d lovingly say he’d do something then fail to follow through. Or worse, he’d do the thing but mix in some other unpleasant aspect that would ruin the entire thing. Like for my birthday he gave me a novel that he said had a lot of meaning to him, but the inside had a note to “Nikki” (lol my name isn’t Nikki). Okay so he was effing with me. Like the entire time. But why? I didn’t do anything unkind to him. In fact, I actually really liked him and in many ways it seemed like he liked me too. But he kept effing with me. Super weird. If he didn’t like me, why not just dump me and move on? He chased me quite a bit after I broke up with him. I don’t get it.

The bold alone was enough to merit no more dates. Being a totally unexplained no-show in the early days of dating? Not even telling you he suddenly got sick or had a work emergency (if his work is the type to have "emergencies")? The lack of any plausible explanation was sufficient for ending things with him. He either got a better offer for that same time, or cared so little that he flaked and forgot your date. Next time, end things after that point, if it happens again with some other guy.

Don't blame yourself for his being a jerk, OP. You didn't do anything unkind to him; he's going to be like this with everyone. Self-centered and probably juggling various women who give him second and third chances after he fails to turn up because he's with someone else. The fact he chased you after you broke up? That makes him the kind who thinks of women as little trophies and who feels HE should be the one to break up with YOU. He probably wasn't truly interested in you at that point but instead wanted to show himself, and you, that he could get you back, that's all. It would not have lasted, considering his awful track record with you. Good riddance. Please do not waste time or energy thinking about "why did this happen" etc. Just move on and don't put up again with anyone who pulls the stuff he pulled on you. You deserve better.