I could have written this same post OP. Our deal is she can stay up as long as she is in bed reading or writing (she does a mix of journaling and short story crafting but also doodling) lights out, with a book light to keep the room dark. Technically we still have an 8pm bedtime but that has morphed into first getting ready between 8-8:20 and us not being done for the night with her until closer to 9pm. And…ya it’s a toss up of staying up till 11pm for us to get that 2hrs of hang out time in.

I will say, our DD easily stays up till 10 or later reading BUT (even before DST) she is having a very hard time waking up on time in the morning. The deal is, if she can’t get out of bed on time, we take the book light at 9:30. If that doesn’t work, we dial it back to 9:15, etc..we’ve been doing this system for about 2 months and it works well enough for us.

I'm struggling with this, too, since my middle schooler likes to hang out and talk late into the evenings. I know this is the best way to keep up the relationship, but it is draining not having waking hours to myself.

Anonymous wrote:This is why you have more than one kid, so they can entertain each other.

Being able to watch tv at night is a TERRIBLE REASON to have more than 1 child.

Does she do sports?

Have you tried getting her more physical activity during the day? Maybe a walk after dinner or a bike ride, then a warm bath/shower, some lavender pillow spray? Then have her go to her room and read or listen to music and then lights out. Just like with adults, as we grow and life happens, we sometimes need to change up our sleep habits.

Other than that, does she need a new mattress or new sheets and pillow? Is her room too hot or cold? Maybe ask her, “Larlo, we notice you aren’t sleeping well, what do you think we can do to help?” For all we know, her mind could be spinning with something at school or with friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hindsight from a mom of adults, this is a short time of your life. I watched appropriate shows with my kids during this time, sometimes watched our own in our bedroom. Before you know it, they are heading out with friends as you are going to bed. Next they are out of the house and you have all your evenings to yourself...

This. I only have young teens but I know this will be here in a blink. Soak it in OP and be thankful your child still wants to spend time with you. I am thankful for that every day! That said, I would tell her she needs to be in her room doing a quiet, independent activity at 9pm. She doesn’t need to fall asleep then.

NP - I sort of agree, but the bigger issue is that this kid struggles to fall asleep. What are you doing about that, OP? If she doesn’t go to bed at 10pm, she’s likely sleep-deprived, which isn’t healthy.

This is why you have more than one kid, so they can entertain each other.

Anonymous wrote:If she can’t fall asleep she can read a book in her room. She can deal. Without you.

I think 10:00 is too late for bedtime. For my 12 year old school nights are 8:30 start bedtime routine and winddown. 9:15 lights out (she can read with a book light if she really can't sleep). We find that strenuous exercise during the day offers the best solution for the not being able to sleep issue.

Anonymous wrote:Hindsight from a mom of adults, this is a short time of your life. I watched appropriate shows with my kids during this time, sometimes watched our own in our bedroom. Before you know it, they are heading out with friends as you are going to bed. Next they are out of the house and you have all your evenings to yourself...

This. Figure out a way to enjoy spending time with your kid.

Or just get her a phone and let her zone out on TikTok videos for 5 hours a night.

You know, whatever is best for you.

Anonymous wrote:Hindsight from a mom of adults, this is a short time of your life. I watched appropriate shows with my kids during this time, sometimes watched our own in our bedroom. Before you know it, they are heading out with friends as you are going to bed. Next they are out of the house and you have all your evenings to yourself...

This. I only have young teens but I know this will be here in a blink. Soak it in OP and be thankful your child still wants to spend time with you. I am thankful for that every day! That said, I would tell her she needs to be in her room doing a quiet, independent activity at 9pm. She doesn’t need to fall asleep then.

I hear you op, I mourned the loss of my quiet time with dh. I also can't stay up late, so it's not like I can just shift and get that time later.

At some point your 10 year old will be 13-18 and they'll have social things going on at night and then you'll be annoyed that they need a pickup at 11 pm when you want to be asleep 😂 the time goes quickly. It's hard to adjust, but then there's a new stage.

Make your kid go to her room and read before bed or watch her own shows on an iPad. There’s no reason why she has to be out with you every night.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem like the kind of parent who complained when she had to get up at night to feed a baby.

"When is it Me Time again?"

You'll never be happy.

+1

If she can’t fall asleep she can read a book in her room. She can deal. Without you.

Hindsight from a mom of adults, this is a short time of your life. I watched appropriate shows with my kids during this time, sometimes watched our own in our bedroom. Before you know it, they are heading out with friends as you are going to bed. Next they are out of the house and you have all your evenings to yourself...