Anonymous wrote:I did SPACE therapy with my partner to support our child and it changed our lives. It worked so well in helping my child become empowered and overcome the anxious thoughts. We did a SPACE group but found individual SPACE treatment better for us and our schedule. It was the best thing we ever did for our child and for our family.

Anonymous wrote:Is virtual academy a good choice for kids like this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through this too with my 8th grader. She has some physical health issues that have made it much worse. At this point she is not receiving a proper education although she still has mainly passing grades due to work she's done at home and submitted online. We have had a notice from her private school about potentially being kicked out if this continues. I'm not sure what to do if they kick her out at this point in the semester. Would she have to repeat 8th grade - or could we do some kind of homeschooling that will suffice? I have no clue...

She is in therapy and on meds but they seem to have stopped working so may need to switch to something different. I sympathize OP - it is so hard. People don't seem to understand it. They think by giving consequences your kid will go to school, it sadly doesn't work like that.

PP, I replied to you in your thread you posted on this. It is 100% illegal for your private school to kick your student out of school if the failure to attend school is due in part or in whole to some underlying physical or mental health issue. It is a form of disability discrimination to prevent access to education (which is what kicking someone out of school does) for reasons that have to do with a disability. Write a letter to your school explaining that your DC has physical and or mental health issues that are preventing her from attending school regularly. Include supporting documentation from your treating physician or therapist. Ask for a formal meeting with the school to discuss an accommodation plan things you can ask for are extended deadlines, copy of class, notes, copy of assignments, reduced work, extra time, etc.

My DD was in public school and missed a lot of school due to an underlying mental health issue. When she could not attend school due to her health issue, I simply wrote a medical excusal note that said, “DD missed school yesterday due to illness.” This was true, and it is also true when school refusal results from underlying health issues, whether physical or mental (like anxiety, depression, OCD, etc.) In both public and private school, there are usually policies that oblige teachers to provide missing work and extra time to complete it when a medical excusal note has been provided by a parent.

We found that when DD did show up some teachers and school administrators sometimes challenged these excusals and berated DD for not attending school, telling her things like she was making excuses, could have attended school if she wanted to, was lazy, etc. Sometimes teachers refused to provide accommodations, particularly when DD had only a partial day at school, saying that if she could attend for a part day, she could attend for a full day and they would threaten to fail her or not let her turn in an assignment, which of course made her worse. Other teachers were great and supportive, but even one negative teacher administrator, or school, security, guard or rating DD could make the situation much worse. I did not find out about this until I really sat down and talked to DD at length about why she felt so stressed. Although these seems like small incidents, they had a big negative impact.

All of these teacher and administrator criticisms of attendance in the context of prior notice of the health issue and a formal accommodations plan are also acts of disability discrimination and constitute retaliation for using the accommodations plan. These acts of discrimination can have serious legal and financial consequences for schools if a complaint or suit is filed. Upper level, administrators or administrators outside the school typically recognized us and fix these problems when they are made aware of them.

I know many parents are often reluctant to deal with school non-cooperation this way because parents are worried it is too confrontational and will make the situation worse. That was not our experience. In any case, for the PP in private school, describing the failure to accommodate and the ejection from school as disability discrimination now, may help you get your tuition $$ back down the line.

BTW, your DD definitely shouldn’t have to repeat 8th grade - and the thought of that would make any child unhappy much less one who was already struggling. (Although she might have to repeat French just due to the nature of how language builds on previous years and the lack of alternative instruction. Algebra you should be able to catch up on.)

Our situation got better when I wrote formal emails after each incident pointing out the failure to follow the accommodations plan and labeling it as an illegal act of discrimination. Teachers and admin started behaving appropriately. DD felt heard and supported instead of gaslit and that improved the situation.

Anonymous wrote:I am going through this too with my 8th grader. She has some physical health issues that have made it much worse. At this point she is not receiving a proper education although she still has mainly passing grades due to work she's done at home and submitted online. We have had a notice from her private school about potentially being kicked out if this continues. I'm not sure what to do if they kick her out at this point in the semester. Would she have to repeat 8th grade - or could we do some kind of homeschooling that will suffice? I have no clue...

She is in therapy and on meds but they seem to have stopped working so may need to switch to something different. I sympathize OP - it is so hard. People don't seem to understand it. They think by giving consequences your kid will go to school, it sadly doesn't work like that.

Anonymous wrote:Is virtual academy a good choice for kids like this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this now with my 9th grader. I also think the 1 mental health day a month is good, if it works. Mine gets in moods and won’t care about anything or any consequences. Taking away things and punishment hasn’t been effective. We have been in regular contact with his school guidance counselor and found a therapist he actually likes, who he sometimes will talk to or see on the bad days.

He’s not doing all of his work but has been doing enough to pass. His teachers have been flexible and given him so many deadlines and retake chances that he doesn’t take. They have all been supportive and at this point, we are hoping he turns in enough to earn credit in at least the content classes. His therapist has really been helpful for us to also manage our expectations and take things day by day.

My DS was like this too. The only thing that helped us turn the corner was meds for anxiety and depression.

You are quoting me. Was your son willing to take them on his own? This is part of our problem. It took a long time to even get him to participate in therapy and then longer to find someone he liked. He refuses ADHD meds and won’t consider meds for anything else. At this age, medication and any programs need to be voluntary so it’s really hard.

My kid is already saying he is not going tomorrow. So OP, even though it is hard there are many of us out there going through similar.

My DS was 15 when he started meds. We got some pushback but said from the beginning that having a phone and access to video games depended on compliance with the treatment plan. We didn’t remove any privileges for not attending school at that point (we did later), just for taking meds and going to therapy. If he refused either, the electronics were gone until the next day. It sounds harsh, but there was no way that his brain was going to make a decision in his best interest at that point. He also had to attend therapy, but it was one of those, lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink situations. I’m not sure how much he really participated in therapy, but the meds did ultimately get us out of the deep pit. I also switched psychiatrists during this time. Our first one seemed almost adversarial with him. The new one was kind and compassionate. I think DS trusted his expertise much more, so that helped as well.

It is very rough. I feel for you. I can report that my DS is a functioning young adult now. Still takes meds, but manages quite well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this now with my 9th grader. I also think the 1 mental health day a month is good, if it works. Mine gets in moods and won’t care about anything or any consequences. Taking away things and punishment hasn’t been effective. We have been in regular contact with his school guidance counselor and found a therapist he actually likes, who he sometimes will talk to or see on the bad days.

He’s not doing all of his work but has been doing enough to pass. His teachers have been flexible and given him so many deadlines and retake chances that he doesn’t take. They have all been supportive and at this point, we are hoping he turns in enough to earn credit in at least the content classes. His therapist has really been helpful for us to also manage our expectations and take things day by day.

My DS was like this too. The only thing that helped us turn the corner was meds for anxiety and depression.

You are quoting me. Was your son willing to take them on his own? This is part of our problem. It took a long time to even get him to participate in therapy and then longer to find someone he liked. He refuses ADHD meds and won’t consider meds for anything else. At this age, medication and any programs need to be voluntary so it’s really hard.

My kid is already saying he is not going tomorrow. So OP, even though it is hard there are many of us out there going through similar.