Anonymous wrote:I think as long as you aren't hiding the fact that you are going out and texting with your colleague, it's fine (assuming your husband is fine with it too). If in your gut you know there's nothing between you and your colleague, and you know there won't ever be (and your colleague knows this too) there's not reason not to be friends.

Yeah I think the key here is—if you have nothing to hide, it’s all good. I am very close to a male colleague but I don’t hide anything from DH. DH was listening last time we talked on zoom and he thinks my colleague is really funny and recommended some music for him. DH and I sent him a holiday card and gift from our family. That kind of thing.

I think as long as you aren't hiding the fact that you are going out and texting with your colleague, it's fine (assuming your husband is fine with it too). If in your gut you know there's nothing between you and your colleague, and you know there won't ever be (and your colleague knows this too) there's not reason not to be friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You going out for coffee and lunch crossed the line.

Agree. I go out alone with gay male coworkers or women, only. If straight men only with at least one other person. This isn't any "rule" on me for my marriage, just a practice.

And yet DCUM probably mocked Mike Pence when it came out that he follows this exact practice: "He's hurting female colleagues by refusing to eat alone with them, while males can get closer mentorship!"

"Oh, and this makes him a religious fanatic too!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You going out for coffee and lunch crossed the line.

Agree. I go out alone with gay male coworkers or women, only. If straight men only with at least one other person. This isn't any "rule" on me for my marriage, just a practice.

And yet DCUM probably mocked Mike Pence when it came out that he follows this exact practice: "He's hurting female colleagues by refusing to eat alone with them, while males can get closer mentorship!"

Anonymous wrote:Texting about what?

This. What are the texts? Work things? Private jokes? Things you wouldn’t want your DH to see?

Texting about what?

I have a make coworker who is much younger than I am. We’re from the same hometown so we occasionally text about the baseball team (we have gone to games as part of a group and I’ve met his wife a few times) but that’s it. Nothing personal!

Me again, if your husband had the talks your having with a female colleague and if he engaged in the texts, and had the feelings your having with a female coworker, would you be hurt by it?

The fact that you are questioning this, included your unhappy marriage and his separation and posed this on an online forum points to you already knowing your answer. You are clearly uncomfortable so it doesn’t matter if every other woman on this board thinks it’s fine. You don’t and only you know the context of the texts and the discussions in person. Redirect your energies into your marriage OP, fast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You going out for coffee and lunch crossed the line.

Give me a break, Pence.

Exactly. If this is cheating I’ve done it hundreds of times

Anonymous wrote:You going out for coffee and lunch crossed the line.

Give me a break, Pence.

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband know about the friendship/lunch/text?

If so, fine - I have had male colleagues over the years that I have been good friends with.

If you are keeping it a secret/actively hiding it, then you know you are crossing a boundary.

+1. I lunch/coffee/drinks with male coworkers and call them. But my husband knows and I don’t take the calls in secret

Does your husband know about the friendship/lunch/text?

If so, fine - I have had male colleagues over the years that I have been good friends with.

If you are keeping it a secret/actively hiding it, then you know you are crossing a boundary.

If he knows you are in an unhappy marriage, you’ve already crossed the line. Period.

Ask your husband what he thinks.