Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:26     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.


It wasn’t really about the Michelin stars. It was more like my best friends at the friend deciding to check out a really good restaurant and enjoy a great meal there together. Or celebrating a special occasion with my significant other. Now that I have kids I don’t have any time to myself. Just nice memories of good conversations spent over a 3 hour meal with awesome people in my favorite city.

But yeah, it was a lot of money lol.


So what if it was a lot of money? You had a good time. Now make sure you can have good times for the rest of your life too.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:22     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.


It wasn’t really about the Michelin stars. It was more like my best friends at the friend deciding to check out a really good restaurant and enjoy a great meal there together. Or celebrating a special occasion with my significant other. Now that I have kids I don’t have any time to myself. Just nice memories of good conversations spent over a 3 hour meal with awesome people in my favorite city.

But yeah, it was a lot of money lol.


You do you. I got the same thing at local DC joints for a fraction of the cost.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 14:59     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
STOP READING AND APPLYING FINANCIAL ADVICE FROM ANYONE ON THIS FORUM.
Damn girl, think for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 14:56     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


I mean the right way to do things financially is to have enough money such that you can always travel, go to Michelin star restaurants, etc. in every stage of life. If you've set yourself up for that, then you're fine.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 14:51     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
I dunno. In my 20s I lived in NYC relatively cheaply with friends who were mainly artists so similarly broke and we had a blast and a ton of great memories and did a lot of creative things without feeling the need to go to "great" restaurants. I didn't save a ton, but I did throw some money into Roth IRAs and didn't accumulate debt. I also got to live a few years in different countries over the course of my 20s--again not saving a ton, but always throwing money into the Roth. I settled down in my 30s and it was then I started to appreciate a good restaurant with friends--and had the money to easily do so. This made me feel like there were new discoveries that kind of mature with my tastes and my finances. Now that I have kids, I find I more value in spending money on experiences with them. But each decade has had its own pleasures that fit my budget, my stage of life and my interests. I feel like if I forced it all to happen early I wouldn't enjoy the way it has evolved.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 13:10     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.


It wasn’t really about the Michelin stars. It was more like my best friends at the friend deciding to check out a really good restaurant and enjoy a great meal there together. Or celebrating a special occasion with my significant other. Now that I have kids I don’t have any time to myself. Just nice memories of good conversations spent over a 3 hour meal with awesome people in my favorite city.

*best friends at the time

But yeah, it was a lot of money lol.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 13:09     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.


It wasn’t really about the Michelin stars. It was more like my best friends at the friend deciding to check out a really good restaurant and enjoy a great meal there together. Or celebrating a special occasion with my significant other. Now that I have kids I don’t have any time to myself. Just nice memories of good conversations spent over a 3 hour meal with awesome people in my favorite city.

But yeah, it was a lot of money lol.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 06:30     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


I think it's possible to travel and eat at Michelin star restaurants when one is in their 30s, 40s, 50s... simultaneous to owning their own home and having a good nest egg.

NP and I think this is true for most people but our youngest has special needs that make this very difficult, so I’m glad we did some before we had kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 05:34     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
I am with you, OP. I had a lot of fun in my early 30s. Fast cars, great restaurants, travel, you name it. Would I be better off financially had I just saved all that money? Sure! But YOLO! My kids’ inheritance will be smaller, but I will have enough to not be destitute when I retire. So all is good. I save a lot now, but I also don’t have the time/freedom to spend it (on myself). It’s all about the kids and family obligations. I am glad I had fun when I was younger.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 21:48     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


In NYC there is so much excellent inexpensive ethnic food, that you have to be reaaallllyyyy status-conscious to think regular trips to Michelin star restaurants are worth it, unless you come from wealth. Other than that I don’t have a problem with living well and enjoying life when you’re young. Personally I think people who are obsessed with their NW and FIRE are super boring.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 20:50     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
My 20s were such a blur. Living in a ski town and parting hard. Working minimum wage at local gigs. Deciding to go to grad school and spending way too much on clothing and housing and saving next to nothing, all up until the day I turned 30 and my career actually began.

It was a crazy decade of fun and learning that those strait laced kids that go right out of undergrad into a government job never got to experience. I’m now paid big bucks at a huge company and while I’m probably behind most of the straight laced crowd in terms of retirement savings, I’m catching up fast with my total comp and I’ve got some crazy fun memories that are worth more than money.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 19:57     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You need Michelin stars for a thrill?
I was able to do both, OP. We had a lot of fun in those pre-wedding, pre-kid days, but I also managed to save.
I wasn't locked in my house worried about my 401k, but I wasn't riding camels in Dubai either.


Same here. I had a blast doing road trips with my friends and crashing on people's couches in my 20's. We had some great, cheap vacations where it was more about the people than the specific location. My friends and I also got together to make dinner together or have each other over for dinner parties. I was a big saver and it paid off, but I was never "cheap." I was always happy to invite people over for food and drinks.

I did spend a bit more on some great restaurants and travel after buying my first home, but I saved a lot to get there first. DH and I did have a period when we spent more on dining and travel, but that's been cut back a bit with 3 kids because we just don't feel like it as often and visiting family takes up vacation time.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 19:57     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


OP, I took a similar approach in my 20s. Spent a decade going back and forth between living in the US and abroad, and loved every minute of it. Now, my net worth is minimal compared to many people on this board. At 44, I am saving diligently but do lament not having more. That said, I would not trade any minute of my 20s or the experiences that I lived for more money now. I couldn't buy those experiences now if I tried. I think the trade of was worth it.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 19:53     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


I think it's possible to travel and eat at Michelin star restaurants when one is in their 30s, 40s, 50s... simultaneous to owning their own home and having a good nest egg.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2023 19:49     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.


Well said. Do whatever's best for yourself, but don't complain about the consequences later.