Anonymous wrote:I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake

Great, then move on. People need to stop clogging up threads with this garbage. Don't care for the post, move on. It truly is that simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake

No, it doesn't sound fake.

You have NO idea the horrendous things abusers pull in custody battles. ESPECIALLY those with unlimited/vast resources. And even worse when they are attorneys, doctors, etc.

OP, this is awful, I am so sorry for your cousin and her DS. The family court system is horribly broken and is not equipped to deal with abusers like your cousin's ex and his wife. This same terrible story is being played out over and over again all of over the country and the world. Thankfully the media is slowly (very slowly) starting to shine a light on this issue, but actual change is still likely decades away.

Can you help your cousin financially in this nightmare fight? She needs to find an attorney in her state who is experienced in **post-separation abuse/coercive control** - this is KEY. Do research on all of this - there is a lot more out there now about this.

I would like to help her financially but I can’t. I need my resources for a SN child. She is getting financial help from her husband and dad. She bartends at weddings on weekends when ex has DS.

Totally understand.

Please research/tell her to research post-separation abuse and coercive control and those with cluster B personality disorders (NPD, sociopathy, etc). That will open up a trove of information, including info about how to find attorneys who actually understand this. And yes, she needs to document *everything*. It is exhausting. I am so sorry.

PP is entirely correct about this being an aspect of coercive control. Look at some of the Duluth power and control wheels - particularly this one about “Post-separation Economic Power and Control,” which has sectors on abuse of court processes and institutions. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Post-Separation_Economic_Abuse_Wheel_Glinski_2021.pdf

That the lawyer/GF is involved may give you some leverage in the form of a bar complaint - talk to her attorney about that.

DS should record any fights or threats - but consult first to make sure that the state in which he records is a one-party recording state and permits this. DS should also journal on his phone other coercive control - isolation, rigid eating practices, police visits, fights, etc. Again, seek advice from counsel.

DS (and mom) should also have their own different individual therapist. Family therapy with an abuser is not helpful. DS’s individual therapist can help him strategize about expressing/drawing boundaries, educating about emotional abuse, etc. This has to be done by someone independent, i.e. not the Mom, otherwise it will be viewed as alienation. It’s tricky because some psychologists will require the consent of both parents, some will only ask for one parent’s consent. You will also have to ask to what degree the psychologist can refuse to divulge to a parent what is said in therapy - if Dad demands access to son’s records, what will he get? And, if Dad is providing the health insurance, he will be able to see all billed sessions.

Grey rocking, parallel parenting, neutral or supervised drop-offs, communication only through third-party platforms are all ways of disengaging from the abuser.

Sorry your family member is going through this.

Thank you both. The bonded part is what my cousin’s therapist has advised her to do. She also said my cousin needs to conquer her fear of her Ex and his GF. My cousin is trying to follow all the rules as carefully as possible. She has a new lawyer this time. Hopefully, this one is more aggressive. I don’t know what the lawyer GF is getting out of this except the thrill of control. She has money and intimidates everyone. She was a US Attorney for several years. I think that fact alone intimidates my cousin. Her ex is an unemployed schmo who will do anything the GF wants because she can provide the lifestyle he can’t otherwise have. Also, he’s a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:She should probably just hand over custody and disengage with her ex. The fight will be over and he will likely send her DS back to live with her within a year. If not, the situation can not be worse than it is already.

What? No! That’s terrible advice! No parent should willingly give up custody, especially when the son has alleged abusive behavior on the part of the dad and stepmom seeking more custody. Can you imagine how the kid would feel? Lile his mom didn’t care enough about him and just threw him to the wolves.

Plus no one should give into abusive custody demands.

The bizarre part is the new GF seems to be the reason he wants custody. Why? Does she not have any other kids? Why is she so keen to have a teen boy in her home full time? I believe you believe you are getting the whole story. But a better thing to believe is you are getting a version of the story.
Stay out of it. She has a lawyer and the best thing to suggest is that she find a more aggressive one.

She should probably just hand over custody and disengage with her ex. The fight will be over and he will likely send her DS back to live with her within a year. If not, the situation can not be worse than it is already.

Cousin is going to have to have an amazing attorney through age 18. Her Ex will try to make her life miserable at every chance he can. She has to be proactive and ready to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake

No, it doesn't sound fake.

You have NO idea the horrendous things abusers pull in custody battles. ESPECIALLY those with unlimited/vast resources. And even worse when they are attorneys, doctors, etc.

OP, this is awful, I am so sorry for your cousin and her DS. The family court system is horribly broken and is not equipped to deal with abusers like your cousin's ex and his wife. This same terrible story is being played out over and over again all of over the country and the world. Thankfully the media is slowly (very slowly) starting to shine a light on this issue, but actual change is still likely decades away.

Can you help your cousin financially in this nightmare fight? She needs to find an attorney in her state who is experienced in **post-separation abuse/coercive control** - this is KEY. Do research on all of this - there is a lot more out there now about this.

I would like to help her financially but I can’t. I need my resources for a SN child. She is getting financial help from her husband and dad. She bartends at weddings on weekends when ex has DS.

Totally understand.

Please research/tell her to research post-separation abuse and coercive control and those with cluster B personality disorders (NPD, sociopathy, etc). That will open up a trove of information, including info about how to find attorneys who actually understand this. And yes, she needs to document *everything*. It is exhausting. I am so sorry.

PP is entirely correct about this being an aspect of coercive control. Look at some of the Duluth power and control wheels - particularly this one about “Post-separation Economic Power and Control,” which has sectors on abuse of court processes and institutions. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Post-Separation_Economic_Abuse_Wheel_Glinski_2021.pdf

That the lawyer/GF is involved may give you some leverage in the form of a bar complaint - talk to her attorney about that.

DS should record any fights or threats - but consult first to make sure that the state in which he records is a one-party recording state and permits this. DS should also journal on his phone other coercive control - isolation, rigid eating practices, police visits, fights, etc. Again, seek advice from counsel.

DS (and mom) should also have their own different individual therapist. Family therapy with an abuser is not helpful. DS’s individual therapist can help him strategize about expressing/drawing boundaries, educating about emotional abuse, etc. This has to be done by someone independent, i.e. not the Mom, otherwise it will be viewed as alienation. It’s tricky because some psychologists will require the consent of both parents, some will only ask for one parent’s consent. You will also have to ask to what degree the psychologist can refuse to divulge to a parent what is said in therapy - if Dad demands access to son’s records, what will he get? And, if Dad is providing the health insurance, he will be able to see all billed sessions.

Grey rocking, parallel parenting, neutral or supervised drop-offs, communication only through third-party platforms are all ways of disengaging from the abuser.

Sorry your family member is going through this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight.

He does have a choice its as simple as not getting in the car, In my experience the most that will happen if a child refuses visitations is that the judge can call for a show cause hearing where the courts will ask the child why they are refusing to go.

This is an awful situation, but it's in OP's cousin's best interest to have her kid go to his custody time with dad. The cousin needs to look as squeaky clean as possible and hopefully her ex will appear to be the only party behaving badly.

And if something should happen to him there? It's never a good idea to send a child to a home with such violence going on even if it is court ordered.

I get what you are saying and it is really awful as a parent to send your child into a situation that may be violent and awful as a kid to experience it. I'm also pretty sure that you have never gone through a contentious child custody situation with a vindictive and wealthy ex. Unless you feel your child is imminent danger, it is in your best interest/your child's best interest to keep sending them. Most judges are not going to see withholding the child as protective. They are going to see it as you behaving badly and it could endanger your custody. I"m just a random person on the internet so definitely ask a divorce lawyer.

This is a risk that i was slightly aware of when i decided to stand up for my self and refuse to go to my father's house, thankfully the judge could see that my mother wasn't physically capable of forcing 11 year old me to go and nothing was done to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight.

He does have a choice its as simple as not getting in the car, In my experience the most that will happen if a child refuses visitations is that the judge can call for a show cause hearing where the courts will ask the child why they are refusing to go.

This is an awful situation, but it's in OP's cousin's best interest to have her kid go to his custody time with dad. The cousin needs to look as squeaky clean as possible and hopefully her ex will appear to be the only party behaving badly.

And if something should happen to him there? It's never a good idea to send a child to a home with such violence going on even if it is court ordered.

I get what you are saying and it is really awful as a parent to send your child into a situation that may be violent and awful as a kid to experience it. I'm also pretty sure that you have never gone through a contentious child custody situation with a vindictive and wealthy ex. Unless you feel your child is imminent danger, it is in your best interest/your child's best interest to keep sending them. Most judges are not going to see withholding the child as protective. They are going to see it as you behaving badly and it could endanger your custody. I"m just a random person on the internet so definitely ask a divorce lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight.

He does have a choice its as simple as not getting in the car, In my experience the most that will happen if a child refuses visitations is that the judge can call for a show cause hearing where the courts will ask the child why they are refusing to go.

This is an awful situation, but it's in OP's cousin's best interest to have her kid go to his custody time with dad. The cousin needs to look as squeaky clean as possible and hopefully her ex will appear to be the only party behaving badly.

And if something should happen to him there? It's never a good idea to send a child to a home with such violence going on even if it is court ordered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight.

He does have a choice its as simple as not getting in the car, In my experience the most that will happen if a child refuses visitations is that the judge can call for a show cause hearing where the courts will ask the child why they are refusing to go.

This is an awful situation, but it's in OP's cousin's best interest to have her kid go to his custody time with dad. The cousin needs to look as squeaky clean as possible and hopefully her ex will appear to be the only party behaving badly.

Anonymous wrote:DS13 doesn't want to go over to his father's home anymore but he doesn't have a choice. There is a new judge in this second custody battle. My cousin's attorney told her that he's not likely to give DS13's personal preference on the matter much weight.

He does have a choice its as simple as not getting in the car, In my experience the most that will happen if a child refuses visitations is that the judge can call for a show cause hearing where the courts will ask the child why they are refusing to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is fake, the piece about the attorney GF getting the psychologist’s license revoked for billing practices sounds very very fake

No, it doesn't sound fake.

You have NO idea the horrendous things abusers pull in custody battles. ESPECIALLY those with unlimited/vast resources. And even worse when they are attorneys, doctors, etc.

OP, this is awful, I am so sorry for your cousin and her DS. The family court system is horribly broken and is not equipped to deal with abusers like your cousin's ex and his wife. This same terrible story is being played out over and over again all of over the country and the world. Thankfully the media is slowly (very slowly) starting to shine a light on this issue, but actual change is still likely decades away.

Can you help your cousin financially in this nightmare fight? She needs to find an attorney in her state who is experienced in **post-separation abuse/coercive control** - this is KEY. Do research on all of this - there is a lot more out there now about this.

Yes, it does as I have filed a complaint against a doctor for unethical behavior and nothing was done about it and it was extremely unethical.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like legal harassment. A judge already determined you're a fine parent. I'd find a lawyer who not only deals with custody but legal harassment too.

I was coming in to say the same/similar.

As others have said, no, your cousin can't sue anyone for anything here.

Is she using the same attorney as before? It's really hard to make a judgment based on your post, but this person seems a little...passive. Why is there a new judge on the case? It could be out of everyone's control re: retirement or something like that, but what is it? If the ex-husband filed to have the case moved, why was that request granted? Did your cousin's attorney notify her or respond? Why does the attorney think the son's preference would be disregarded if mom is trying to keep the 50/50 status quo?

I'm no expert in family law (I am not practicing and never practiced in the DMV), but generally you have to have grounds to request a custody modification. What are the grounds that the ex-husband cited? 50/50 seems to be practically presumed these days, so seems like a big hurdle for the ex-husband to win a case. I don't understand why cousin's strategy would not be to file a motion to dismiss based on the previous modification ruling. Even if that judge is no longer presiding all of the pleadings and evidence remain a part of the record of the case.

Who is representing the ex-husband? Are they aware of the previous motion? Your cousin should be asking for her attorney fees to be covered by the ex-husband. Doesn't mean it will happen, but it'll be hanging over his head.

Your cousin may want to seek out a new attorney. She might also seek out a legal aid clinic or any type of training for the lay person on family law to better understand what can and should be done in these cases. The legal system can be a mess, but judges generally aren't sympathetic to people that manipulate the system to keep pressing claims that have been found to be false or not actionable.

I agree with other posters that your cousin should get a therapist or adopt some practices to accept that this crazy is going to be in her life for at leas the next five years. I also think getting some tools to deal with her son and his feelings in this situation are key. Poor kid probably feels helpless and the truth is that there's probably very little his mother can do in reality. It's natural for him to be mad at her so having someone to help him deal with that. The son should be documenting any time the police are called to his father's house. Even if there aren't charges there should be a report. That's available via a FOIA request.

Good luck to your cousin.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like legal harassment. A judge already determined you're a fine parent. I'd find a lawyer who not only deals with custody but legal harassment too.

Yes, I'm the PP from just above this post and OP's cousin could ask an attorney about having her ex declared a vexatious litigant. But even that is hard to do and there are a lot of legal hoops to jump through. Still worth an ask.