Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

Did not know you had to be strategic to get your children to want to see you.

Sweeten the pie (i.e., offer them a free vacation). Your thinking offends me.

My oldest is going to college in a few short months. I am so proud, but also so sad. I will really miss DC.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

This stuff does matter but is no guarantee of frequent visits. Sometimes people go into fields where this much travel/time off is unrealistic. Some peopel have huge wanderlust and don't want to dedicate so many vacations to visiting family -- they want to check places of their bucket list.

I think the single best thing you can do to ensure you see your kids a decent amount once their grown is have a good, respectful relationship with them. And many parents try to do what yours did without having that in place, and then are confused why it doesn't work. But if your kid doesn't enjoy spending time with you while visiting for Thanksgiving during college, it's unlikely they will want to spend a week at a resort in Jamaica with you later on. Or they might go because you're paying, but then avoid you the whole time.

Worry less about buying a retirement home in a vacation destination, worry more about respecting boundaries and being supportive without being controlling.

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Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

Yes!! That's why it was important to do what you wanted with kids for 18 years. Took the vacations you wanted, made the memories, have the holidays you wanted instead of always doing others' holidays.

I hope my kids will want to see me, but if not, I hope they're successful adults raising nice families or single people living their best lives.

Let's chat about that when it happens.

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth, wiped butts a thousand times, got up at all hours, dr visits, good schools, activities, nightly bedtime routines, braces, college - all that effort to see them a few times a year as adults. It’s what supposed to happen but I’m stuck by the feeling of loss associated with it.

Yup.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Someday you’ll miss the kids at that age. It almost seems easier than when they’re teens.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. As parents it’s our duty to put energy into our children. Not the reverse.

+1. If only every parent thought like this...

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

Yes!! That's why it was important to do what you wanted with kids for 18 years. Took the vacations you wanted, made the memories, have the holidays you wanted instead of always doing others' holidays.

I hope my kids will want to see me, but if not, I hope they're successful adults raising nice families or single people living their best lives.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

Ugh no. My inlaws want to move to Florida and thought it would be so wonderful and we'd visit every holiday- no way. We told them realistically if they move far from us, we'd only be able to come for 5 days, once a year. We just don't have more leave and money. The weird thing is that my retired inlaws don't visit us now and they're local. It's always on us to go see them, but it's a county away which isn't doable on school nights. They don't even visit us when we host holidays, instead they want "their holiday" the next weekend.

What was amazing was parents moving to our zip code. They see us and our kids 2-3x a week, they're there for birthdays, soccer games, they help out on kid sick days, they invite us for dinner often and we have them over too. They help us with our kids a lot and we're helping them too as they age. It's a win all around.

OP, I feel this.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

I don’t think that is how love works.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why just a few times? Go to them. Make sure they aren't always having to come to you. Travel some weekends and have a meal or two with them. Stay in a hotel.

What if you can't afford flights and hotels?

Or if they don’t want you showing up every other month? Better to embrace the new phase of your life by developing your own friends, interests, hobbies. Anything you had to put down or didn’t have time for when you were in the thick of it, now’s the time. Anything you thought, that sounds interesting, try it. Take a class, read (or write!) a book, there’s so much out there to explore. Bonus, it will make your time with your kids more interesting for you both.

This. Love my parents, have no appetite for entertaining them every month.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

Yes! We have a lake home they frequent for the three major summer holidays. And will likely purchase a winter home at some point in Florida. So, I love it when we wake up together and stay up late playing cards.

And for those saying that is what is supposed to happen yes, I know that. I'm just struck by the fact that it is, after all that time.

My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

You got it. This.