I personally took a year off in CS after getting married and it was a big deal. The operating systems I learned about in college went obsolete and it was VERY tough to get my foot in the door without recommendations. A lot can happen in a year honestly with technology. My one year turned into two years and if I could do it again, I wouldn't have had that gap.

Was the purpose of graduating early to save money or because he didn't like UVA? He's jumping into the adult world early so I'd let him do just that. Welcome to Adult Life!
Go Hoos!

My engineer husband took a year off and was a “ski bum” in Jackson Hole for a year right after college but his parents didn’t fund that. He worked fast food before the ski season started (served Harrison Ford in the drive through) then found jobs lifeguarding and waiting tables in a nicer restaurant that allowed him to pay rent and ski as much as he wanted. Then he came home and worked doing tech support until he found an engineering job. So he still worked and supported himself.

If he wants to travel but doesn’t have a real plan he could take a job and negotiate a later start date and travel for a month or sleeting. In your position I’d pay for a post-college trip like that. But I wouldn’t fund a year away where he’s not working and his resume is getting stale. Plus it’s probably better to work before grad school, even if only for a year or two.

I went to UVA in the 2000s, also graduated a year early. After I graduated my parents gave me 50% of the difference of the cost of the private school I would've attended otherwise, which I think was probably in the $40k range. I was able to do what I wanted with it but they made clear that this would be their last form of financial assistance, ie there would be no continued rent/lifestyle support, grad school, cars or down payments. I ended up getting a job right out of school but then used the money 2 years later to travel for several months and also to pay for grad school (but still had to take out loans). I think I turned out alright, though $42k just to travel for a year seems excessive, especially if you are going to continue to support him in other ways.

Anonymous wrote:How much was the offer from Apple & from Lockheed ? (This will help me to formulate an answer to your question.)

Regardless of whether or not you respond, if a recession is coming, your son would have plenty of time to travel if laid-off.

Is this money in a 529? If so, is DS prepared to pay you for the tax penalty for not using it for educational costs?

How much was the offer from Apple & from Lockheed ? (This will help me to formulate an answer to your question.)

Anonymous wrote:Do these two siblings get along? I can see where the younger one is coming from, though, with the extra costs tacked on for the older sibling.

I can see that too, but a parent can always say this money has been saved specifically for education and not vacations. So perhaps this $42K in savings can go towards DS's grad school. If he's not going to be working, how did he plan to pay for those costs (tuition, living expenses, etc.)?

The idea that he's owed this money is outrageous.

My view would be that they should have taken a job or applied to grad school....and then asked for a delayed start to allow some time to travel. He's thrown away the springboard that UVA provided in recruiting to get those great job offers.

As for the travel - I certainly would not give him $42K and I would give him nothing if $ is in 529. I'd find some other amount that seemed more reasonable and tell him to earn whatever else he needs.

Do these two siblings get along? I can see where the younger one is coming from, though, with the extra costs tacked on for the older sibling.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.  There is a little bit more to the story.  My oldest DS took almost 5 1/2 years to graduate from UVA because he changed majors several times.  It took the younger one three years to graduate so according to him, he saved us 2 1/2 years in tuition/room/board/etc.. He feels that he should not be penalized for graduating early and that he should be awarded with the 42K.  He turned down offers from Apple and Lockheed because he wants to go back to school for his MS and PhD program with the intention of going into academia.  He purposely wanted to graduate early because he wants to see the world before heading back into the grind of academics. He will travel with three other "trusted" people so he will be OK.  DH is against giving him that 42K for traveling purposes and right now, they are not talking to one another because of this.

Mom, your DH is right and you know it, you just don't want to piss off junior and have him mad at you too.

It's your money, not his. He should be thanking you and Dad for even paying for college, realizing he's coming out without owing a dime. Instead he's shaking you down for what he immaturely believes he's "owed".

Nothing wrong with wanting to take a year to travel. Nothing wrong with giving your son a graduation gift of cash to help make that happen. But $42K? No. Maybe $5K.

I would ask my kid to work, and also plan and go for x number of foreign vacations a year. He would need to let his employer know beforehand that he would not be available on certain dates, and work around those.

Or, he goes to travel for a month before he joins for work. I agree that this is not the time (because of tech layoffs) to take a gap year.

Would I give him the money? Well, I gave some money to both my kids to start a brokerage account as a going to college gift (20K each, and a new car). My kids also stayed with us for 2 years after graduating and had to put in every single cent towards saving and retirement. So, I am not the right person to give advice.

Give the money, if you want to give and your finances can afford it. Don't give the money if you will have resentment.

I gave money to my kids with a lot of strings attached. You give money to responsible kids and they have to continue to demonstrate that they are making good decisions and they can reason and debate their choices. No one is entitled to my money, and it will always be given with conditions. Take it or leave it.

It’s insane that he asked for $42K you need to figure out where you went wrong there.

I’d definitely support a gap year before working and I’d give hime $1000/month for 12 months.

I’d take the “extra money” and invest it and when the kids are 30 I’d split it as down payment on a house.

Did your kid come up with this “you owe me b/c I graduated early and my older sibling didn’t” shtick on his own or is that how your family has historically operated? Where’s his sense of entitlement coming from?

Different kids have different needs that necessitate different investments. I would do something nice for my kid who graduated early, but there is no way I would feel like I owed him 42k and if he kept on about it that good will around doing something nice would disappear.

Those are some serious missed opportunities. I would not be giving my child the "saved" money, but I may set it aside for the future useful goals. I am not sure how useful a masters or PHD is for CS outside of teaching. Seems like an bunch of money spent for no return on investment