Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what the problem is. doesn’t IVF still involve both parents being the actual biological parents? So who cares?

+1

Anonymous wrote:Of course you tell your kid. It’s medical information he needs to know.

What important medical information does this reveal that changes anything? This is your biological child, IVF or no IVF, that info is the same. Unless there's more to OP's IVF story that isn't clear.

I wouldn't hide it, but it's never come up. Not once has one of our kids asked when/how/where they were conceived.

Up to you...I certainly don't see the big deal in sharing, but I also don't think it's terribly important for them to know.

Of course you tell your kid. It’s medical information he needs to know.

In adulthood, yes, I will.

Anonymous wrote:There is really no way to keep this secret in the world of DNA testing companies like 23 & me. You wouldn't want him to find out this way. He will feel betrayed. You also need to tell him to be honest about medical history.

I definitely think one should be honest about medical history, and this is something that's easier to tell when kids are small rather than making it seem like something you hid and felt ashamed of.

But a DNA test isn't going to reveal the fact that kid was conceived through IVF.

Anonymous wrote:A kid in my DD’s pre-K class taught her where babies come from. You know, when a doctor merges the sperm with an egg then implants it in the mommy’s belly. I about died. But if they are gonna talk about it at school I’m fine with that version!

HAHAHAHA I love that so much!

I honestly think it's such a cool origin story. Way cooler than "mommy and daddy did a special hug..."

How old are these kids?

I wouldn't hide the truth, but I wouldn't force it either.

It makes sense to teach kids te 90% common case first, and then to refine it later. Kids often ask smart questions when they are ready to learn more.

We’ve told my kid his whole life he was IVF. Yours will probably be relieved he wasn’t co cruces the traditional way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told him from the beginning. Would pass the place and point it out.

Us too!

+2. When a couple wants a baby, man puts P into woman’s V. Sometimes the woman still doesn’t get pregnant, and there are doctors to help.

If he's talking about conception, then I'd bring up IVF in a casual way. This seems like good timing.
But I wouldn't make it a formal, sit-down, "Son, we have something to tell you" conversation.

My LO was gestational carrier + donor egg. DH and I joke that babies are made through paperwork.

(More seriously, there are some great books, including board books for toddlers, that get them used to very basic concepts of where they came from and how.)

I don't think regular IVF is a concept that a child needs to know since it's not a fundamental altering of their identity. So I think you can tell them whenever you want. But if your child is donor-conceived or surrogate-born, they need to know as young as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what the problem is. doesn’t IVF still involve both parents being the actual biological parents? So who cares?

Not when you have two moms - which was our case. Told our oldest before he started K and we will tell the other two at the same time.

If you went to IVF because of a fertility issue that can be genetic, of course I’d tell the kid. They need to know to get tested for the same if they’re ever in that spot

I have to tell my child since she was donor conceived.

Just a brief anecdote: I met a woman in my synagogue with three kids and the youngest (?age 7) looks at me and says "I was frozen" I must have look confused so the mother clarified. So I just replied indicating to my daughter - "she was too." (wasn't quite sure how to respond otherwise.)

If you are worried about privacy you can just explain IVF without going into the "why" and share the why when they are older. But I agree that easiest if it is told as part of the birth story.