There’s a misconception IMO that women who don’t find their partners by a certain age were either wasting time sleeping around and partying, or over-focused on their career to the extent that they didn’t date at all. I don’t think this is true. I think it’s a mix of many things, but more commonly fixating on dating the wrong type of guy, getting misled or trapped in dead-end relationships, or having too high expectations (not necessarily about a 6’2 millionaire, but in not recognizing that all men are flawed creatures with annoying habits who use the bathroom. Letting yourself fall in love with a human, not some ideal who does everything perfectly)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

I agree. Even just de facto moving in while you still technically have a place to live somewhere else is a problem. If you are just dating, then just date. Don’t move in until you are thinking marriage.

Worry about this with my 20someyhing. But we like him and they are talking about marriage. Fingers crossed.

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

I agree. Even just de facto moving in while you still technically have a place to live somewhere else is a problem. If you are just dating, then just date. Don’t move in until you are thinking marriage.

Not spending effort outside of work and career. Get some new hobbies, learn which workouts are best, research something, learn a new language.

Gotta lock down a dude with prospects while you're still pretty!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most common mistake I saw my 20-something peers make was wasting too much time in dead-end relationships. Early to late twenties are a woman's prime dating years and there's no reason to date the same guy for years on end without getting engaged and married within 2 years, MAX.

Agreed!

I think 2 years from meeting someone to marrying them is pretty quick, and I say that as someone who actually did that! But I agree with your general point that most young women could be a little more discerning in who they date and for how long. If you’re in your late 20s and you’ve been with a guy for over 3 years, what are you waiting for?

I think the best way to spend your twenties is:
- preparing for a career that will allow you to feel engaged and independent (whatever that means - investing in experience, grad school, whatever....) and working the hours to establish yourself
- investing, and maxing out your retirement
- having a lot of fun - traveling, taking advantages of opportunities to learn/explore/meet new people
- figuring out who you are and what you really want in life
- dating lots of different people

When people tell you who they are, believe them. Wishy washy time-wasting men will tell you who they are if you’re listening.

Anonymous wrote:The most common mistake I saw my 20-something peers make was wasting too much time in dead-end relationships. Early to late twenties are a woman's prime dating years and there's no reason to date the same guy for years on end without getting engaged and married within 2 years, MAX.

Agreed!

I can only speak for myself and what my girlfriends told me, but generally I would say stressing out about unavailable, stupid boys. I wish I had focused more on my career and personal development. I’m fine now, but really was way too focused on guys - and not the good kind!

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

+1 Start saving at a young age. Our teenager has her own interest-bearing savings account. I explained compounding interest to her and now she's eager to watch her nest egg grow. In a little while we're going to get trading accounts for all our kids.


I don't even remember most of the guys I dated back in the day, but my savings and investment skills have really paid off. But yeah, get yourself thinking straight if you have trauma. Be financially responsible and marry someone who is too.

Anonymous wrote:This will go well.

Hahah I’m OP. Of course some people may respond with some misogynist crap, but I’m coming in from more of a womanly advice perspective. Someone on here a while back recommend the book The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, and I did read it, it makes the case for at least sowing the seeds of life successes in your 20s.

Sometimes you simply just don’t meet your match when you are young, but it’s useful IMO to acknowledge your own agency in it all. There are things that are mistakes that you could have handled better and are worth telling your younger sisters and nieces to not repeat.

Grinding on work and graduate studies and not mixing enough fun, travel and experiences in.

Anonymous wrote:2 years, max! If he is not committing long term, move on. Twenties are the most valuable years, so don't waste them.

YES - I just posted the same!

The most common mistake I saw my 20-something peers make was wasting too much time in dead-end relationships. Early to late twenties are a woman's prime dating years and there's no reason to date the same guy for years on end without getting engaged and married within 2 years, MAX.