As a bisexual woman who is divorcing in part due to a libido mismatch, I sincerely hope another woman will be understanding of the havoc perimenopause can wreak, and will be more willing to work on intimacy, as opposed to a man's view that I need to be bringing spontaneous desire to the table in addition to being a parent and working full time.

If not, I will pursue happy solitude.

As mentioned by many people-- you will have more luck with bisexual women. Respect that for whatever reasons many lesbians might be turned off by women who have been in relationships with men be they bisexual or late blooming lesbians.

I was married to a man and divorced after 15 years. I was once worried that I wouldn’t be accepted as a lesbian and that women would not want to date me. I encountered a few that put me in the “no” category right off the bat based on my lack of having been in a relationship with a woman before. Some had reservations but kept open minds. I know many many women in the community who were previously married to men but I don’t think anyone doubts their current orientation/identity now, but it took some time and effort, and confidence, for them to get there. I am now in a committed long term relationship with another late bloomer.

I'm a woman who has dated both men and women and was married to a woman for a decade. I have dated a couple women for whom I was the first woman they had a relationship with. I probably wouldn't do it again. For me, it a specific thing about myself that I've tried a lot of things and been a risk taker in life and I think I'm just not a good match with a woman who got to middle age without at least experimenting.

I know that women in this situation can feel super frustrated that other women won't date them for various reasons, but you don't need everyone you just need that one person. Keep trying, OP and I hope it's a good experience for you.

I wouldn't care at all. I would think it would be kind of a draw, actually, to be part of someone finding something they really wanted.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in a similar situation and there are a few of us “late bloomers”. If this is something you are truly interested in, you will likely find someone. As others have said, at first, it may be other late bloomers or bi women.

Being a late bloomer can be common in the entire LGBT community. It's because of compulsive heterosexuality (comphet). It's just expected you're a straight cisgender person.

OP, I am in a similar situation and there are a few of us “late bloomers”. If this is something you are truly interested in, you will likely find someone. As others have said, at first, it may be other late bloomers or bi women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--have you been in a rel with a F? It may just be a fantasy and you want emotional intimacy-do you have female friends? Why are you divorcing?

As a single adult, OP has the right to find out whether this is something she wants. As long as she is honest with potential partners, it doesn't matter whether she has been with a woman before.

i totally agree, just want her to be realistic about it.

Got it. That's totally fair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bi and can assure you there are many lesbians who will actively avoid dating you or any bisexual woman.

Date other bis.

Why?

Because you drove your car on the first date instead of a U-Haul.

I don't get this at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--have you been in a rel with a F? It may just be a fantasy and you want emotional intimacy-do you have female friends? Why are you divorcing?

As a single adult, OP has the right to find out whether this is something she wants. As long as she is honest with potential partners, it doesn't matter whether she has been with a woman before.

i totally agree, just want her to be realistic about it.

Anonymous wrote:OP--have you been in a rel with a F? It may just be a fantasy and you want emotional intimacy-do you have female friends? Why are you divorcing?

As a single adult, OP has the right to find out whether this is something she wants. As long as she is honest with potential partners, it doesn't matter whether she has been with a woman before.

OP--have you been in a rel with a F? It may just be a fantasy and you want emotional intimacy-do you have female friends? Why are you divorcing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bi and can assure you there are many lesbians who will actively avoid dating you or any bisexual woman.

Date other bis.

Why?

Because you drove your car on the first date instead of a U-Haul.

OP, yes, you are likely to find that there are many a lesbian who won't date you. They are worried about being an experiment, or that you aren't committed, etc. You'd think that a mature person with enough self-confidence would be able to assess the issues, rather than the identity, if there was honestly and self-awareness.

I have to say that as someone who came out about 30 years ago, we had the same boring-old arguments about this topic. I hope the kids improve.