Why dont lawyers pushback against the boomers and demand to get paid the same for 40 hours a week. Millennials are doing it for all other industries including tech

Step one is to come to grips with the fact that you have to make a choice. The work you do that you claim you hate also pays for the lifestyle you seem to enjoy. You cannot have both. Some of the judgmental tone you are seeing on this thread is from people who are reading into your post a bit of a martyr complex. If you really hate the work more than the lifestyle if affords then come to grips with the fact that you can't have one without the other.

Step two (if you really want to make a change) is make a budget and figure out which things you currently afford that you are willing to trade-off for a job you don't hate. Be realistic and involve your spouse and (if they are old enough) engage your kids. I know partners whose spouses are cool with not seeing them if the Ritz vacations in Grand Cayman keep coming. Do you have public school options? Are you willing to use them?

Step three is to take that budget and find a job making what you need to make.

I meant to say— you wont regret it. I do have relatives who were diagnosed with cancer very young, by mid 40s. Life is short. You cant take your money with you, and you’re teaching your kids that the only way to keep your head above water is to work yourself sick.

Pay off your debts and figure out how much you need to make to pay your expenses. How much do you have saved and how much income are your savings making you?

My spouse is a big law partner. We send our kids to public school and have a house that is in the cheaper area of bethesda (oxymoron) and mostly live like UMC people — nothing designer, our house is super outdated, our cars are heaters, kids don’t go to those expensive sleepaway camps, etc. we do splurge on vacations because he is so overworked that he wants vacations just to be as easy as possible. I think you need to make decisions about where to spend your money to keep your sanity.

We have a ton saved up because he has always wanted to quit but for him the golden handcuffs has really been finding something that is equally prestigious and would not require moving cross country. At a certain point it becomes hard to off ramp because you are so senior no one wants to hire you for a regular old job. He now has sort of a plan of trying to retire at 55 and get a job with a non-profit. We’ll see if that happens.

I almost applied to law school, but when i learned what lawyers do, day in snd day out, i knew I would resent the grind. When I looked at what being a successful lawyer looked like, I realized it was not for me. I work in communications for a nonprofit at the mid-senior level as does my spouse, my kids are in dual language public, we do our own house cleaning, very little outsourcing, our mortgage payment is v low (we bought 20 years ago in gentrifying area). At 300k hhi, but sometimes much lower, we still enjoy trips abroad, eating out twice a week, reasonable level of activities for kids including music lessons.) if you can get out and downshift— not just your job but your lifestyle, take kids out of private, move into a more sustainable house/neighborhood—do it now.

"require" - lol

I hear you, PP, and what you’re saying mostly sounds good. But only have one kid so you can both work is pretty sad.

I started in biglaw when DH was making pretty lousy money after his grad degree (2001 grad - they all got thrashed in the hiring market; a lot never made it up).

We stayed in our shitty student apartment for a couple years, which we could afford on his $60k salary. I started at $125k - paid off all our debt within a year (I come from a country where student debt doesn't exist, so I just couldn't deal with it psychologically).

Bought a house below our means. Have traded up a couple times but currently in a house we paid $1m for, and our combined income is $1.5m (DH ended up doing very well). Kid in public school. We did upgrade our cars recently to pretty nice Audis, but we keep our cars for 10+ years, so not a huge difference on our income to get $30k cars vs $60k cars, when amortized over that period.

Because DH and I both earn good money, like another poster said, it's a huge pressure valve and both of us feel like we could tell our employers to f*** off whenever we wanted. Strangely, we both love our jobs. Both work full time from home, so have a lot of time with kid. Decided to only have one kid, to make the dual working thing more manageable (which it is).

Could quit any day - already have enough savings in mid 40s to retire.

I mean, this is a pretty easy thing to figure out. DOn't adjust your expenses like your fanciest colleagues. Lots of law firm partners live pretty reasonable lives in DC. Yes, some blow the bank of material stuff. But lots don't. Until 2005, DC law firm patterns weren't exactly killing it - they were living in pretty standard houses in Bethesda with kids in public - much like govt workers of days yore. It's only been the last 15 years that partners in DC are making bank. You got caught up in that, and if you want to walk, you need to dial it back. Spouse goes back to work, kids in public. Easy as that.

(but with all that said, like another PP, I actually think most in-house jobs have the same if not longer hours than big law these days - and most of our clients are not working from home anymore).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you work in biglaw, make a good salary, and truly hate your job? To the point of waking up feeling nauseated? Working all the time and wondering - for what?? But kids, mortgage, tuition, on and on - require that income?

HOW

You fell into a trap that was easily anticipated. Too late for you but maybe not for others reading - when you make a huge salary, live as if you make much, much less; this allows you to bank money or pay off educational debt or whatever, but does not entail golden handcuffs.

As for OP, you know the answer. Downshift your lifestyle and stop killing yourself at work. It isn’t easy but they way you are living now isn’t easy, either.

Good luck - you really can do this IF you want to. It helps if your family backs you up and values your physical and mental health more than all the goodies you’ve been buying.

I know people who went into biglaw with the plan of getting out after working for a few years and paying off student loans. The only ones I know who actually did it were those who intentionally lived on the salary they anticipated earning after leaving, usually the salary of a federal attorney. They never got used to spending all that money, they never incurred fixed financial obligations that required that salary, and so when they moved, their lifestyle didn't change. If you want to leave, you need to downsize. Period.

Early retired Biglaw partner here. It’s difficult to avoid the golden handcuffs but it absolutely can be done. Don’t buy a expensive house. Send your kids to public schools and good state colleges. Avoid extravagant vacations and luxury automobiles. In short, just live reasonably.

I distinctly recall the reaction of one of my partners when I told him I was checking out: “I’m so jealous. I could never afford that.” The guy was probably making double what I was at the time - if I had to guess, I’d say between $1.5 and $2 million - and after taxes, mandatory retirement and capital contributions, health insurance, etc. he probably took home half of that. He had a $4 million house, a beach house, three and kids enrolled in top DC privates since kindergarten. My understanding from social media is that the kids ended up in colleges of the Tulane/NYU/Emory variety. If that’s the life you’re going to choose, it’s going to cost you. It’s that simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

Okay? That is your entirely your choice.

You all are stating the obvious. The OP is asking for advice about “uncuffing”. Thank you!

Signed,

A government attorney who has never worked in big law but has her kids in private school too

Yes, we are stating the obvious because the OP is asking a question with an obvious answer. There is no other choice but silence and OP is obvi looking for someone to talk them up to make the move that is so obvious.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you work in biglaw, make a good salary, and truly hate your job? To the point of waking up feeling nauseated? Working all the time and wondering - for what?? But kids, mortgage, tuition, on and on - require that income?

HOW

You fell into a trap that was easily anticipated. Too late for you but maybe not for others reading - when you make a huge salary, live as if you make much, much less; this allows you to bank money or pay off educational debt or whatever, but does not entail golden handcuffs.

As for OP, you know the answer. Downshift your lifestyle and stop killing yourself at work. It isn’t easy but they way you are living now isn’t easy, either.

Good luck - you really can do this IF you want to. It helps if your family backs you up and values your physical and mental health more than all the goodies you’ve been buying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

And you wonder why you have golden handcuffs?

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you work in biglaw, make a good salary, and truly hate your job? To the point of waking up feeling nauseated? Working all the time and wondering - for what?? But kids, mortgage, tuition, on and on - require that income?

HOW

So you are smart enough to work in biglaw, but not savvy enough to do basic financial planning ?