Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:30
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
My grandpa moved into a retirement community on Wednesday (Feb 1). He's 96. He stayed in the house he built 65 years ago for another year and a half after my grandma passed. It's three floors (attic, main living floor, basement with workshop and rec room) and they raised their children in it and had so many grandchildren come and go. He's also been feeding a feral cat colony out back for many years.
This is the exact right time for him to move -when he decided it was time. He will miss his wife of 67 years no matter where he goes but the winters were getting harder.
There is no reason to move at 55 or 65 or 75 if it's not time.
This is the exact right time for him to move -when he decided it was time. He will miss his wife of 67 years no matter where he goes but the winters were getting harder.
There is no reason to move at 55 or 65 or 75 if it's not time.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:29
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The one you've been in, whether it is a TH or SFH, and have no plans to move right now, what are your reasons?
We are always asked "why not move to a one level or over 55 development?"
We live in a regular suburban area, all ages, kids, but also plenty of people over 65 way into late 70s. Original owners, but we aren't. We've been here about 20 years.
We are not infirmed, we have several pets, retired, happy here. There's no reason to go, not now at least. I'm not saying never, but why is it assumed? There are pressing reasons we would definitely move, but it's not imminent. I think our next move will be in our 80s- continual care. That's about 18 years at least.
It's hard to move at 80. Also things can change very suddenly. My father went from riding a bike to work everyday at 70 to skilled nursing at 75. Thankfully my parents had moved to continuing care in between. When he passed she was settled with friends and support.
Yeah,but 80 is appropriate to move to a CCC, not really 70.
The point is you have to move before there is a problem. Finding the right place and moving while dealing with a big medical issue is awful.
What's the right place?
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:28
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:By staying in our suburban home, where the kids grew up, this is what I wrestle with - compared to our young adult children raising families, I never want to have the bigger house. I don't want it to be US that has the closer-in, better commute location (even if we aren't commuting), access to the better schools, cushier suburban lifestyle. It's just upside down.
Haven't had to deal with this, exactly, yet. I think this a lot. Guessing DH and I would choose to sell and, if it would help our kids w/their housing option, split the proceeds of the house. We'll see what money is needed, for them to live in the DMV, if they choose, when the time comes.
I'll happily treat ourselves to travel and other luxuries but wouldn't feel good having the most expensive house of anyone in the family, not in retirement.
Op here, that makes sense. Do it!
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:27
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:We are all discussing, posting, what *might* make sense for ourselves. Op, we are not *only* trying to answer what you should do.
Like what, though?
Still don't understand why I would move now because of what will happen when I'm older. Who in their 60s is moving to a CCC or independent living?
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:25
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on size of your house. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of tear downs. The older people in my neighborhood tend to live in the smaller (often one level or one level + basement) homes that will likely be torn down someday. I get why they stay b/c it’s a manageable house size even into your 80s. I also get why people with young adult children stay in SFHs because they have extra rooms for kids + young grandkids to visit.
But I think you have to keep in mind, it can be very unfair to your children if you don’t downsize/purge while you still can. My MIL is a widower who has been in a giant 5 bedroom house alone for over 10 years. We live local to her so we do not do overnight visits and her out of state grandchildren are all grown. There is no need for her to have a house that big and she’s already fallen on the bottom stairs resulting in an ER visit.
The house is PACKED to the gills with 40 years or accumulated stuff. I’m talking print outs of tax returns from the 90s, yellowed linens piled in closets that never see the light of day, and so on. Not hoarder level, but at the cusp. We have asked her so many times to downsize, have offered to help (DH has gone over and cleared out his childhood bedroom and a few random storage areas), even hired a company to help get it started and she just … won’t get rid of anything. And now her health is failing. My DH is the only child who lives nearby, so this will likely fall on us entirely to manage, which is hard because we have young children and full time careers of our own. His siblings already don’t help with anything and can barely manage their own lives, so it just sucks. It would have been such a gift to us had she at least purged some items even 5 years ago when she was healthy enough to do so.
So if you do decide to age in place, please do not leave your entire life’s belongings to your children to deal with. My parents downsize to a condo and got rid of 75% of their belongings, and I am so grateful to them for that. This is probably why most people assume you’ll move at some point, to not leave your kids to deal with the fallout while someday grieving. And your health goes quicker than you think — that decade between 70 and 80 can be rapidly game changing.
These are two different issues. One is moving which I asked about. The other is stuff.
My house isn't filled with stuff. I purge all the time. Upon our demise, or move, there will be furniture, clothes, and kitchen items, art work and probably the same stuff people 30 years younger would have.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:24
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
We are all discussing, posting, what *might* make sense for ourselves. Op, we are not *only* trying to answer what you should do.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:22
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
that's you
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:22
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The one you've been in, whether it is a TH or SFH, and have no plans to move right now, what are your reasons?
We are always asked "why not move to a one level or over 55 development?"
We live in a regular suburban area, all ages, kids, but also plenty of people over 65 way into late 70s. Original owners, but we aren't. We've been here about 20 years.
We are not infirmed, we have several pets, retired, happy here. There's no reason to go, not now at least. I'm not saying never, but why is it assumed? There are pressing reasons we would definitely move, but it's not imminent. I think our next move will be in our 80s- continual care. That's about 18 years at least.
It's hard to move at 80. Also things can change very suddenly. My father went from riding a bike to work everyday at 70 to skilled nursing at 75. Thankfully my parents had moved to continuing care in between. When he passed she was settled with friends and support.
Yeah,but 80 is appropriate to move to a CCC, not really 70.
The point is you have to move before there is a problem. Finding the right place and moving while dealing with a big medical issue is awful.
So why on earth would I move now to move AGAIN to a CCC in my eighties? Im sorry- I don't get that. Seems like a giant $$ waste.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:20
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:By staying in our suburban home, where the kids grew up, this is what I wrestle with - compared to our young adult children raising families, I never want to have the bigger house. I don't want it to be US that has the closer-in, better commute location (even if we aren't commuting), access to the better schools, cushier suburban lifestyle. It's just upside down.
Haven't had to deal with this, exactly, yet. I think this a lot. Guessing DH and I would choose to sell and, if it would help our kids w/their housing option, split the proceeds of the house. We'll see what money is needed, for them to live in the DMV, if they choose, when the time comes.
I'll happily treat ourselves to travel and other luxuries but wouldn't feel good having the most expensive house of anyone in the family, not in retirement.
Our house isn't large, it's just a house. Our kids have their houses.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 14:07
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
By staying in our suburban home, where the kids grew up, this is what I wrestle with - compared to our young adult children raising families, I never want to have the bigger house. I don't want it to be US that has the closer-in, better commute location (even if we aren't commuting), access to the better schools, cushier suburban lifestyle. It's just upside down.
Haven't had to deal with this, exactly, yet. I think this a lot. Guessing DH and I would choose to sell and, if it would help our kids w/their housing option, split the proceeds of the house. We'll see what money is needed, for them to live in the DMV, if they choose, when the time comes.
I'll happily treat ourselves to travel and other luxuries but wouldn't feel good having the most expensive house of anyone in the family, not in retirement.
Haven't had to deal with this, exactly, yet. I think this a lot. Guessing DH and I would choose to sell and, if it would help our kids w/their housing option, split the proceeds of the house. We'll see what money is needed, for them to live in the DMV, if they choose, when the time comes.
I'll happily treat ourselves to travel and other luxuries but wouldn't feel good having the most expensive house of anyone in the family, not in retirement.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 13:54
Subject: Re:If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
if you do decide to age in place, please do not leave your entire life’s belongings to your children to deal with.
Get a dumpster. Get rid of it. Point is ... your parents, by taking no action, means you can do whatever works for you.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 13:47
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The one you've been in, whether it is a TH or SFH, and have no plans to move right now, what are your reasons?
We are always asked "why not move to a one level or over 55 development?"
We live in a regular suburban area, all ages, kids, but also plenty of people over 65 way into late 70s. Original owners, but we aren't. We've been here about 20 years.
We are not infirmed, we have several pets, retired, happy here. There's no reason to go, not now at least. I'm not saying never, but why is it assumed? There are pressing reasons we would definitely move, but it's not imminent. I think our next move will be in our 80s- continual care. That's about 18 years at least.
It's hard to move at 80. Also things can change very suddenly. My father went from riding a bike to work everyday at 70 to skilled nursing at 75. Thankfully my parents had moved to continuing care in between. When he passed she was settled with friends and support.
Yeah,but 80 is appropriate to move to a CCC, not really 70.
The point is you have to move before there is a problem. Finding the right place and moving while dealing with a big medical issue is awful.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 13:44
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
I think it depends on size of your house. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of tear downs. The older people in my neighborhood tend to live in the smaller (often one level or one level + basement) homes that will likely be torn down someday. I get why they stay b/c it’s a manageable house size even into your 80s. I also get why people with young adult children stay in SFHs because they have extra rooms for kids + young grandkids to visit.
But I think you have to keep in mind, it can be very unfair to your children if you don’t downsize/purge while you still can. My MIL is a widower who has been in a giant 5 bedroom house alone for over 10 years. We live local to her so we do not do overnight visits and her out of state grandchildren are all grown. There is no need for her to have a house that big and she’s already fallen on the bottom stairs resulting in an ER visit.
The house is PACKED to the gills with 40 years or accumulated stuff. I’m talking print outs of tax returns from the 90s, yellowed linens piled in closets that never see the light of day, and so on. Not hoarder level, but at the cusp. We have asked her so many times to downsize, have offered to help (DH has gone over and cleared out his childhood bedroom and a few random storage areas), even hired a company to help get it started and she just … won’t get rid of anything. And now her health is failing. My DH is the only child who lives nearby, so this will likely fall on us entirely to manage, which is hard because we have young children and full time careers of our own. His siblings already don’t help with anything and can barely manage their own lives, so it just sucks. It would have been such a gift to us had she at least purged some items even 5 years ago when she was healthy enough to do so.
So if you do decide to age in place, please do not leave your entire life’s belongings to your children to deal with. My parents downsize to a condo and got rid of 75% of their belongings, and I am so grateful to them for that. This is probably why most people assume you’ll move at some point, to not leave your kids to deal with the fallout while someday grieving. And your health goes quicker than you think — that decade between 70 and 80 can be rapidly game changing.
But I think you have to keep in mind, it can be very unfair to your children if you don’t downsize/purge while you still can. My MIL is a widower who has been in a giant 5 bedroom house alone for over 10 years. We live local to her so we do not do overnight visits and her out of state grandchildren are all grown. There is no need for her to have a house that big and she’s already fallen on the bottom stairs resulting in an ER visit.
The house is PACKED to the gills with 40 years or accumulated stuff. I’m talking print outs of tax returns from the 90s, yellowed linens piled in closets that never see the light of day, and so on. Not hoarder level, but at the cusp. We have asked her so many times to downsize, have offered to help (DH has gone over and cleared out his childhood bedroom and a few random storage areas), even hired a company to help get it started and she just … won’t get rid of anything. And now her health is failing. My DH is the only child who lives nearby, so this will likely fall on us entirely to manage, which is hard because we have young children and full time careers of our own. His siblings already don’t help with anything and can barely manage their own lives, so it just sucks. It would have been such a gift to us had she at least purged some items even 5 years ago when she was healthy enough to do so.
So if you do decide to age in place, please do not leave your entire life’s belongings to your children to deal with. My parents downsize to a condo and got rid of 75% of their belongings, and I am so grateful to them for that. This is probably why most people assume you’ll move at some point, to not leave your kids to deal with the fallout while someday grieving. And your health goes quicker than you think — that decade between 70 and 80 can be rapidly game changing.
Anonymous
02/05/2023 13:39
Subject: If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
My parents (early-mid 70's at the time) moved to Fl near me to a one story no stairs house (like the majority of them are in my area). It has been the BEST thing-here we are 5 yrs later and my Dad is very physically handicapped. But they're already settled and don't have to move. They would have been forced to move from the old house due to accessibility reasons.
Of course, everyone can't do a huge move to a one story. If they plan to stay, they need to make sure they have a way to access the exterior (i.e. get out the door and to the car safely, maybe a ramp) and be able to access the bathroom (perhaps constructing one on the first floor). I see how much Dad is able to do because the house is all one level and no stairs-it's nearly barrier free. Oh also-consider your flooring. Maybe run all lvp or something like that, not have a bunch of different floors and thresholds (trip hazards).
Of course, everyone can't do a huge move to a one story. If they plan to stay, they need to make sure they have a way to access the exterior (i.e. get out the door and to the car safely, maybe a ramp) and be able to access the bathroom (perhaps constructing one on the first floor). I see how much Dad is able to do because the house is all one level and no stairs-it's nearly barrier free. Oh also-consider your flooring. Maybe run all lvp or something like that, not have a bunch of different floors and thresholds (trip hazards).
Anonymous
02/05/2023 13:31
Subject: Re:If you are in your 60s or 70s, and you are living in a regular house...
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people can't handle the stairs past a certain age. Both my mom and MIL (in their 80s) have a problem with stairs. My mom moved to a ranch when she was in her 60s. They knew stairs was going to be an issue eventually so why wait.
My MIL, oth, was adamant that she could handle the stairs and refused to move when she was in her 60s. FFW to 80, and she was having issues, but she still did nothing to move. We've all been telling her to move for the past 10 years. She finally made the move, but it was more painful than it had to be. She couldn't do anything herself so she had to rely on movers (which she paid for ) and her children, who had to take time off to help her.
Don't be selfish, OP. Don't wait till it's too late to be able to make the move on your own. My parents were able to do everything on their own because they were healthy enough at 60 something.
OP here-And where should I move at 65 in order not to be selfish?