Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids are getting to college only to be completely exhausted. They have been pushed so hard from an early age to excel. College (or their first "real job") is built up to the point that it is supposed to be everything. These kids go to college (or into the workplace) and are underwhelmed. Is this all there is? I worked so hard all those years for this? everyone always told me this would be the best thing ever. I feel betrayed, and disappointed that I fell for all that growing up. It's a sham.

That is what they are thinking.

This was me. I lived under intense pressure to be perfect for 27 years. I finished my last degree, and just checked out of life, worked to get by, had relationships just for fun. Twenty years later, I'm FINALLY starting to care about my future again.
I'm sure that I'm considered a "failure to launch". I don't care.

Anonymous wrote:Usually "failure to launch" is just a rude term for someone who has intellectual, congitive, nueorcognitive and/or psychological struggles and either the parents went into deniaql and did not get adequate treatment or the parents did care, got help, but it was not enough.

Also, what is interesting is among the uber wealthy often it isn't referred to as "failure to launch" because the person lives off family wealth. I know several trust fund babies who label themselves as entrepreneurs or investors. Nobody bats an eyelash. If they are marries as long as they pay their pills-great. If the person is single, nobody seems to side-eye because the person doesn't live with parents. The person doesn't live with parents because there is lots of money to play with.

+1

BINGO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Thank you. The entire concept of failure to launch is based on an American standard that every generation should live in their own separate home.

Exactly. No drama or lazy freeloaders in the tight knit villages and old country. No way Jose!

Anonymous wrote:I see this discussed a lot on here. Is there like one in every family, or is it only a disfavored few in society? Does it happen more to men than women these days?

Yes usually a learning disability or mild to severe mental disorder.

Anonymous wrote:It’s about 1/20 IME. These kids either have a subtle special need or an emotional dependency or were neglected or abused in childhood in some way leading to either overprotection or lack of self worth. Also a lot of undiagnosed ADHD and overall mismatch between lack of ambition and societal expectation. It’s okay when you’re younger but really awful by middle age. Sometimes it’s just an unattractive woman who never married and eventually it’s too late and just spinsterhood. At that point it might make sense to save money.

What in the world?? Whether someone is married or attractive has zero to do with the definition of “failure to launch.” And as someone mentioned above, it’s not even perfectly correlated to where someone lives. It’s much more around general puposefulness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Americans described as failure to launch are not like the people you are describing. They didn't have a job to lose. They are not doing home repair projects. They are meeting neither family nor social obligations. This is not about whose roof a person lives under, but about a failure to transition from adolescence to adulthood.

+1. This is my brother. Now 57, attended a top college prep private, did not graduate from college, never pursued a career or got married. Lived with my parents until they died and just inherited their estate. Charming and intelligent, he had everything going for him but never did anything with it except have a good time. Mom did his laundry and he drove my parents old cars. Charged up his credit cards partying with his well-heeled friends. Fake it til you make it or until your parents die, I guess.

I have a 37 year old cousin living at home. They wanted to buy a futon to put in their room to make it look like a living room.
I mentioned to just get an apartment. It's unaffordable since they have been working the same minimum wage job for almost 20 years and don't have any plans of improving it by getting a higher paying job or additional education. That's failure to launch. Their sibling who is almost 10 years older lives at home the too(along with their teenager and significant other).

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids are getting to college only to be completely exhausted. They have been pushed so hard from an early age to excel. College (or their first "real job") is built up to the point that it is supposed to be everything. These kids go to college (or into the workplace) and are underwhelmed. Is this all there is? I worked so hard all those years for this? everyone always told me this would be the best thing ever. I feel betrayed, and disappointed that I fell for all that growing up. It's a sham.

That is what they are thinking.

I agree with you.

And being an adult is hard. And expensive.

I feel very lucky ours are launched but have total empathy for people who can not.

Yep we have a female cousin in her 50’s who has been on the payroll of her family’s business (father used to run it, then her 2 brothers) since college but has never actually worked there or anywhere else. I think they pay her has a “board member” or some crap. She loves the good life with her weird husband who also doesn’t work. She posts out of touch stuff on Facebook. Her brother continue to pay her even though they definitely don’t respect her.

Anonymous wrote:I see this discussed a lot on here. Is there like one in every family, or is it only a disfavored few in society? Does it happen more to men than women these days?

Women who live with their parents are just being “smart” or helping out till they get their own place. Men who live at home are lazy and living off their parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

A 55 YO, by definition, is not a failure to launch. We're talking about people in their late teens - 20s.

late teens? I think people think of 30+ year olds as failure to launch, in their teens and 20s there is hope that they figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family launched, and I have a big family. But some moved out at 16, and some (me) at 23. Some moved back home after college for a few years before moving out permanently. Some moved out and became doctors, but their mommy called them every morning to wake them up until they got married and their wives took over that duty.

At what age do you consider someone failure to launch? Some said I was a failure because I lived at home until 23. Some say it's after 30 or 35....

I don't think it's just about moving out; I know people who chose to continue to live at home or in a separate residence on their parents' property for years, for a range of reasons. But they had jobs and friends and interests. They were self-supporting, and if it had been necessary, they could have found a rental and lived there.

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Americans described as failure to launch are not like the people you are describing. They didn't have a job to lose. They are not doing home repair projects. They are meeting neither family nor social obligations. This is not about whose roof a person lives under, but about a failure to transition from adolescence to adulthood.

I don't know anyone in dh's family or mine who failed to launch. Big families too.

Then again, my mom had a complete breakdown when I lived at her house the summer after college. I had accepted a job offer in the federal government, but the background check took until October (I had a paid internship in NY from May- August). She lost her mind with what a disappointment I was to her. She even locked me out until I came back with a job at fast food or Target. I can't imagine what she would have done with a kid who just bummed for years. It still upsets me that I couldn't enjoy the 2.5 months I had between college and working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated from a culture where most people live in multi-generational families. In our society, no one fails to launch. People may not be earning a living but those who are at home are taking care of the home, family and social obligations.

My brother lost his job 5 yrs ago. He is 60 now. His wife is the breadwinner. He does projects at home. House repair, additions, medical care, veggi garden, selling of property, consolidating investments. He is busy as hell and will rake in big amounts of money with selling his property (he used to buy land for cheap at one point in life).

Thank you. The entire concept of failure to launch is based on an American standard that every generation should live in their own separate home.

Well, we're in America....