The one where you get divorced, the kids start acting crazy and you let the kids rule because you don’t want them to like the other parent more. (Seen this one a lot.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great question.

I would say an abusive parenting style would be least effective. That would include being passively abusive and neglectful - or actively abusive. Authoritarian parenting would also qualify as abusive.
So would parenting characterized by favoritism. So terribly damaging.

Just thought of Prince Harry and how it must have been terrible as a kid to be labeled the expendable extra. Talk about parents playing favorites!

Worth a read: https://raisingamericans.substack.com/p/a-royal-mistake-the-destructiveness

I can't take you seriously since you decided to use Harry as an example

+1

Anonymous wrote:

soso wrote:What is the least effective parenting style?

Far too many in this area have perfected it, whatever name it goes by.

I see a lot of good parenting in this area, of a variety of styles. I also see a lot of great kids. Not sure what you’re looking at.

Whatever parenting style I am currently following.

I don’t know which is best— I think it depends on the parent and the child. I’m sure many posters would find my style too permissive, but my kid is polite, conscientious, and hard working. I think she needed a more permissive parenting style because she’s very headstrong, and more rules simply created conflict. I know other kids who needed a firmer hand because they wanted more guidance, and would be frustrated by a lack of rules.

But I think the key to good parenting is the right combination of consistency and flexibility. You want life to be fairly predictable for your kids, so they know if they do X, then Y generally happens. This is what makes them feel safe and allows them to develop. But too much rigidity is bad too. You have to be able, as the adult, to say, “this is not working for our family, we are going to make this change together,” and not be too proud to say “I was wrong” or “I need to improve in this way.”

It’s just all about balance and making measured choices. I think emotional reactivity (which leads to extremes and impulsivity) is the enemy. This was the thing I worked on most when I first became a mom and I think it’s what most helped me navigate challenging parenting issues.

Looking at adults, I think the two worst are hyper-coddling your kids so they never learn to be self-sufficient and break out of the nest. I know two families with adult children that have never married, still move home periodically, and interact with their parents like children/teenagers. Five total adult children I know and all ended up the exact same way. Objectively I think this is failed parenting and terrible, but in fairness those families all seem to love each other and don't have the awareness of how toxic it is. And abusive narcissism, particularly in mothers. Those are the adult children that go no contact and have trouble with their own relationships as adults.

Thinking more, perhaps these are both different manifestations of narcissism? Perhaps the parents in the first type of family are also narcissists, but loving to their kids so the kids never see their parents for what they really are?

Depends on the kid and the environment.

Authoritarian

Anonymous wrote:To not love your adhd or autistic child

that's not a parenting style

soso wrote:What is the least effective parenting style?

Far too many in this area have perfected it, whatever name it goes by.

The one where your entire world revolves around your kids and in your eyes they never do anything wrong. This raises an adult who can’t function and is hell on everyone else along the way.

Anonymous wrote:Great question.

I would say an abusive parenting style would be least effective. That would include being passively abusive and neglectful - or actively abusive. Authoritarian parenting would also qualify as abusive.
So would parenting characterized by favoritism. So terribly damaging.

Just thought of Prince Harry and how it must have been terrible as a kid to be labeled the expendable extra. Talk about parents playing favorites!

Worth a read: https://raisingamericans.substack.com/p/a-royal-mistake-the-destructiveness

Not arguing that authoritarian parenting is good, but it is not necessarily abusive.

To not love your adhd or autistic child

I have no back up but I don’t think parents should coddle. I’m thinking of one family who has absolutely no control over their kids. They can’t even get the kids to get dressed and out the door. I don’t hit my kids but I think a good smack may do them good. Their kids will hit, scratch, scream, curse at parents and parents just tolerate it. I think they are a big parenting fail. Parents relationship strained because of kids.

Least/most effective in what way? Financial/work success? Content children who grown into confident adults able to manage stressful situations and be kind to others? Children who grow up to be close with parents as adults?
Lots of paths to success and depends on the kids personality as well. I think its very hard to motivate kids who dont want to be motivated in a particular direction. Many rely on shame and guilt and yelling. Maybe that leads to college/career results but from personal experience also can lead to a kid not able to make independent decisions long into adulthood and poor self confidence and major risk aversion. Boundaries and saying no are important. As is praise for real achievement as well as attempts at something hard (even resulting in failure). Skills to deal with setbacks and skills to learn to learn and persevere are also important. Parenting well is hard, there are many ways to be a bad parent.