Whether or not a queer, this is why you stop sleepovers after the tween years.

Lesbian mom here. My teen dd is also queer. When she wanted her girlfriend to stay over (or vice versa), they stayed on different floors overnight. We talked with girlfriend’s mom, and she was in agreement with my wife and me. Sleepovers are fine, just in separate bedrooms. This is the same rule we’ve had for her older straight brother.

Are they likely figuring out how to do it elsewhere? Probably. But the message from the adults in her life is that we don’t think you’re ready for it and we’re not about to make it easier or condone it under our roof.

A person shouldn't have to reveal their sexuality until they are ready, no matter what it is. If you don't want teens messing around during a sleepover, then just don't allow sleepovers.

Essentially, in any case like this, you need to think of what your objection would be. For a lot of parents, they don’t like the idea M/F sleepovers because they’re worried about the teens maturity levels and might end up pregnant (or possibly with an STI although that’s probably less likely the younger you are.) Do you just have a blanket objection to unmarried sex? To the idea that your child may be sexually active at this age? How do you define “sexually active?” Because if they’re lesbians, they’re not having PIV sex. For me, this would be a no brainer. Sure. If they are messing around, they’re already doing it somewhere and there’s no chance of pregnancy. But if your objection is just that you don’t believe in unmarried sex, while I don’t personally think that’s a great idea, if you’d hold a heterosexual child to that standard, you shouldn’t really have a double standard for a gay kid. What if your straight kid wanted a sleepover with someone and you weren’t sure if they were in a relationship or just friends?

Some kids might not come out to supportive parents. My kid didn’t for several years, even knowing that both my husband and I were very LGBTQIA+ friendly. They just weren’t ready. It has nothing to do with us.

Some of the people on this forum are just brutal. Lots if people have a hard time coming out to their families even when they know they will be supportive. It is really ignorant to assume OP has a bad relationship with her daughter just because she is unsure of her sexuality. The kid is only 15. There are many possie reasons for her not coming out. One of which is that maybe she isnt even a lesbian.

And to the person who talked about people coming out as straight: that’s not even a thing and you know it. Why do I get the feeling that you are one of those people who think that there should be white History month since there’s black history month?

Op, maybe something like this - I trust you and your friend, but I also remember being a teenager and some if the antics that happened at sleepovers. So if she stays, you will stay somewhere other than the bedroom or keep the door cracked open.” Idk…but something to elude to other concerns such as drinking, vaping, watching something inappropriate, posting something inappropriate, sneaking out. Tell her that you feel the need to be extra diligent when you are responsible for someone else’s kid.