I don't care too much about reciprocating. After a while you just invite the easy going kids and I will invite the harder to deal with kids if they have invited my kids over a few times.

You should do a birthday party. I remember my birthday parties as far back as 5 years old, they are some of my best memories. It can be very inexpensive and simple, like just cake and a few party games at your house, or a park if your house is a mess or something.

You should reciprocate play dates. You don’t want your kids grieving up to be rude moochers - you need to teach them by example. It can be a simple text on Thursday or Friday to see if they want to meet at the playground on the weekend - you don’t need to be a big planner, this is basic parenting.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t keep inviting someone who doesn’t reciprocate to play dates because I’d assume they don’t want to be bothered. But this wouldn’t affect birthday invites for me.

+1

Of course playdates take planning and work. So others should do that but not you, OP?

When is the birthday? You could do it at a park with just cakes chips juices or pizza and cake.

You could also do it at the school.
- cupcakes, chips, juice and small goodie bags.
This is also a big hit with 4 year olds - they talk about the “party” all day in class among themselves and are very excited.

Anonymous wrote:I am approached by other parents at daycare that their children like my child, and one says my little girl is his favorite/love/girlfriend. Some have invited us to their kids's big birthday party or small birthday party (with a few kids only) or 1:1 playdate at their home/outdoor. We go everytime if we could make it. She is my youngest child, and I have not done any hosting of playdate/birthday party yet. For the long run, will that burn the invites because I have not planned anything yet, but their kids still like to play with my child at daycare. They are 4 year olds.

I have not hosted any birthday party or playdates for my oldest child. I am just not a planner, and I feel too much work. My 2 kids are social and our schedule is really busy because I keep th occupied with other classes.

I have one very social child. I try really hard to host playdates (literally they just play). House doesn’t have to be super clean, but I do teach my child to clean up before company. It is a skill and the learn it.

You can also do picnics in the park.

I will invite folks for like 2-3 times without reciprocation before dropping them.

But it takes minimal cost and effort to have a party. My kids have enjoyed birthday parties at parks. You have an afternoon party at the park/playground, with a pavillion and table. You get an inexpensive birthday cake at the supermarket. You have some snacks and drinks and let the kids play.

At that age, we also went to a couple of birthday parties at Chick-Fil-A where the host bought a party platter of chicken nuggets, fries, and drinks and added cupcakes for the kids. Then they played in the play area.

Playdates are even less work and cost. You just ask to meet at a convenient playground to let the kids play. We've had people invite us to their neighborhood pool where they have a membership and guest passes and let the kids play in the pool. Heck, I've even been invited, gone and paid for the guest pass myself for my kids to have a playdate at a pool. The key is that the other family made the effort to coordinate and invite us.

The point is that there are inexpensive birthday venues or playdates where you don't have to spend a lot (or any) money. But you do have to make the effort. We don't care about whether it was an expensive venue or not, but we do want you, the parent, to put in the effort to help maintain the relationship.

I reciprocate for play dates. However I’m really trying to convince my soon to be 4 & 6 year old they want to have an over night adventure vs birthday party. Don’t know if I will prevail but I’d rather spend $300-$500 on a family epic adventure (like a night at the beach or Lego Land) than 2 hours with pizza at some indoor gym. While we love attending those events, I just don’t want to spend my money at it. Everyone can have different priorities. Everyone will be fine.

Anonymous wrote:You are not onbligated to have expensive birthday party for kids who will not even remember them.

What’s sh&tty is if you don’t invite a kid because they didnt have their own party. All parents aren’t the social planner types. Seems like some parents are having birthday parties for social credit and not for the kid. Its getting out of hand.

THIS. 100%. Just went through this. If we invited everyone who has invited us plus daycare class but friends of my kid from soccer/neighbors we play we/etc. it was 40 kids plus parents.

We invite the kids my kid is friends with- if you expect to be invited to the birthday party, then we need to have the kids play together more than 1x/year or at school. If you want to spend 1k on a trampoline party, go for it but I dont think that is a good use of money for our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t keep inviting someone who doesn’t reciprocate to play dates because I’d assume they don’t want to be bothered. But this wouldn’t affect birthday invites for me.

Same. But I could the other parent saying “want to hang out at X park this afternoon?” as “hosting.” Doesn’t have to be elaborate, at your house, or planned way in advance, or exactly 50% of the time. Just has to be your idea so I know that I am not chasing someone who isn’t into me for whatever reason.

+1 just make it seem mutual, not tit for tat

Anonymous wrote:Either you don’t plan to or you can’t host anything, you can always have your kid bring something (chocolates, store bought - allergy safe since all ingredients listed desserts like cake or pie etc) when being invited to show you and your kid appreciate and value the friendship too.

+ 1
Even bringing over some sidewalk chalk to share, a DVD that the kids can watch together, or an activity that the kids can do together is great.

Anonymous wrote:It will hurt them socially in the long-run, OP. Please make an effort. And it doesn't need to be YOU. If you live with your children's father/spouse/partner, why don't they step up, hmm?

Maybe OP is a single parent? Maybe there are other priorities than the kid.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I stop inviting people who don’t reciprocate. The exception is if the child is a close neighbor and a great friend. Then I don’t mind if the child is over to play all the time. But if it takes coordination, I will stop asking a moocher or antisocial family.

+1

It will hurt them socially in the long-run, OP. Please make an effort. And it doesn't need to be YOU. If you live with your children's father/spouse/partner, why don't they step up, hmm?

Either you don’t plan to or you can’t host anything, you can always have your kid bring something (chocolates, store bought - allergy safe since all ingredients listed desserts like cake or pie etc) when being invited to show you and your kid appreciate and value the friendship too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, really pity your children. God made them likeable and social. But, you are incapable of teaching them how to be social and also host/ reciprocate. You are the reason that they will grow up to be anti-social, awkward weirdos.

Who peed in your cheerios?

God.