I grew up with a narcissistic father and a mother who enabled it and also set me up to enable it (she’d explain to me explicitly how we needed to let him win arguments and defer to his moods “for our own benefit” for instance). In some ways I was fortunate because thanks to a traumatic family incident in my teens, I sought therapy during college and became aware of how dysfunctional my family was. I learned to spot narcissism and codependency snd successfully avoided it in my romantic relationships. Wound up with a guy who is very different than my dad and have a healthy relationship that is mutually respectful and not codependent.

BUT despite years of therapy and a lot of work to understand these patterns, I twice wound up in workplace situations where I was working for someone with narcissistic tendencies and slipped into my people pleasing, enabling habits from childhood. The first time I wrote it off as a fluke, a bad work experience. The second time I realized— i seek this dynamic out. Not in my romantic relationships, but at work and sometimes in friendships, I seek out authority figures who have similarities to my dad — demanding, self-absorbed, highly judgmental, and willing to weaponize the appearance of vulnerability to guilt ne into serving their needs. I crave approval from people like this because they are a stand in for my dad, whose approval I never got. And since a narcissist loves to have someone working hard for their approval, these people are also initially drawn to me. In both work situations, I quickly became the narcissists favorite pet/mentee.

And thus happened despite knowing my patterns and being on the lookout for this dynamic. But I didn’t think to check myself at work because it felt normal to have a controlling, disapproving boss at work who I wanted to impress. It took me years to realize what I was doing.

So yes, I do think some people attract narcissists.

Yes, some people lack a radar that picks up on red flags of narcissism that would send others running for cover. And some people tend to become the object of a narcissists hatred because they tend to unknowingly inflict "narcissistic injury." Which is easy to do to one, like by saying anything mildly critical, or simply not falling in line with adulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have suffered narcissistic abuse, especially in childhood at the hands of narcissistic parents, are drawn to narcissistic abuse in later life - if they date a partner who pushes the same buttons their parents did this feels familiar and comfortable and they often don’t have the healthy intimacy boundaries that would compel them to run away from a dating partner who exhibited narcissistic traits.

This is exactly correct. Same thing with physical abuse or alcoholism. Most people naturally gravitate towards the familiar. Children from abusive families need years of expert therapy. Otherwise, the cycle most often continues.

Actually, more of them become narcissistic themselves. There is evidence the brain actually changes in response to that abuse growing up. They repeat the cycle.

Narcs are attracted to empaths.

On their necks & face? Suuure they do.

Anonymous wrote:Some woman decided that she should have kid with a man who is tattooed like this? Is it a surprise that he beat is 5 yr old daughter to death?

Every millennial and younger have tattoo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a narcissist, and also experienced terrible physical and sexual abuse as a child, and definitely “attracted” narcissists/abusers/bad situations in early adulthood. It wasn’t until I left my abusive, possibly narcissistic ex-husband and did intensive healing work that this trend changed.

Now work in a very supportive work environment, have positive friends, and am married to a wonderful, nurturing, respectful man.

You are not alone. I could’ve written this (except I didn’t marry the narcissist; I finally pulled away when he casually told me he would punch me in the face because I wasn’t making small talk with his friends at a bar).

After being with a narcissist, I feel like I can spot them a mile away. They prey on people with low self esteem / people who doubt themselves. My ex liked to tell me nobody liked me and certainly nobody loved me. I’d point out that my parents / friends seemed to like me and he’d say “they just don’t know the real you.”

PP and similar. My ex would say “You’re damaged” constantly and would ask (rhetorically) “what is wrong with you?” My self-esteem was in the toilet when I left! It kills me that he is repeating this kind of treatment with our children but I can only do my best to uplift and empower them, and to be a safe person for them. It’s awful.

Some woman decided that she should have kid with a man who is tattooed like this? Is it a surprise that he beat is 5 yr old daughter to death?

Anonymous wrote:My former colleague use to fish for compliments, show me her instagram photos for constant flattery compliments, or expressing fake insecurity so I would pump her up. I eventually wised up and did a slow fade. I do question if I attract people like this, or was it by chance because we were seated close together at work? Not sure, but so glad she’s out if my life she literally was a vapid life suck.

You have a very myopic view of narcissists.

My sister.

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a narcissist, and also experienced terrible physical and sexual abuse as a child, and definitely “attracted” narcissists/abusers/bad situations in early adulthood. It wasn’t until I left my abusive, possibly narcissistic ex-husband and did intensive healing work that this trend changed.

Now work in a very supportive work environment, have positive friends, and am married to a wonderful, nurturing, respectful man.

You are not alone. I could’ve written this (except I didn’t marry the narcissist; I finally pulled away when he casually told me he would punch me in the face because I wasn’t making small talk with his friends at a bar).

After being with a narcissist, I feel like I can spot them a mile away. They prey on people with low self esteem / people who doubt themselves. My ex liked to tell me nobody liked me and certainly nobody loved me. I’d point out that my parents / friends seemed to like me and he’d say “they just don’t know the real you.”

I was raised by a narcissist, and also experienced terrible physical and sexual abuse as a child, and definitely “attracted” narcissists/abusers/bad situations in early adulthood. It wasn’t until I left my abusive, possibly narcissistic ex-husband and did intensive healing work that this trend changed.

Now work in a very supportive work environment, have positive friends, and am married to a wonderful, nurturing, respectful man.

Yes. Spineless people

Anonymous wrote:Lol, yes, perpetual victims.

No, not that. If anything, I have kind of a high opinion of myself - which is why I am puzzled. Statistically, maybe I do not attract that many narcs, but one or two really is too many!

Anonymous wrote:Coda.org

Build yourself up and you won't be so needy for the "love bombing stage," in fact, it will set off alarm bells when you are healthier.

Thank you - I do not meet the basic parameters of being codependent. But any more ideas are welcome.

Coda.org

Build yourself up and you won't be so needy for the "love bombing stage," in fact, it will set off alarm bells when you are healthier.