Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not alone in feeling this way OP. Every other day there's a post from someone who is struggling to make friends.

I think you need to widen your circle and go in with the expectation that most people are not going to reciprocate in the way that you might hope. I'm friends with a group of women in my neighborhood and we regularly do things together. But even in our group there are 2 women who frequently host and plan, 3-4 that will host and plan sometimes and a few that never host or only host once a year. When I host I include everyone, even the people that don't reciprocate because I enjoy spending time with them and they are good guests and good friends. If the people that you are trying to plan things with aren't giving you enough of a reason to keep making the effort then move on. But if they are otherwise good company and you enjoy spending time with them then do so. People that flake AND don't reciprocate don't seem worth the effort.

It helps to make friends with the planner of the group. They like to host, plan things frequently, feel comfortable connecting different people and generally have lots of casual friends. They typically include new people to events when they host instead of always having the same people over. They're not always easy to find but once you do they often are the best way to be invited things and to make more friends. That's why it can feel like a numbers game. You just have to keep trying.

The planner of the group is usually a queen-bee type.

That is not true. I am a planner by nature and I would love more friends than I have. I rarely set out for something to be exclusive, it’s just when you are planning things you do the inviting. You can plan your own stuff and invite new people. I would love that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not alone in feeling this way OP. Every other day there's a post from someone who is struggling to make friends.

I think you need to widen your circle and go in with the expectation that most people are not going to reciprocate in the way that you might hope. I'm friends with a group of women in my neighborhood and we regularly do things together. But even in our group there are 2 women who frequently host and plan, 3-4 that will host and plan sometimes and a few that never host or only host once a year. When I host I include everyone, even the people that don't reciprocate because I enjoy spending time with them and they are good guests and good friends. If the people that you are trying to plan things with aren't giving you enough of a reason to keep making the effort then move on. But if they are otherwise good company and you enjoy spending time with them then do so. People that flake AND don't reciprocate don't seem worth the effort.

It helps to make friends with the planner of the group. They like to host, plan things frequently, feel comfortable connecting different people and generally have lots of casual friends. They typically include new people to events when they host instead of always having the same people over. They're not always easy to find but once you do they often are the best way to be invited things and to make more friends. That's why it can feel like a numbers game. You just have to keep trying.

The planner of the group is usually a queen-bee type.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a horrible planner, but I am there if my friends plan something. I just really cannot do it myself.

This is such a lame cop-our. Yes, you can, you’re just lazy and selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not alone in feeling this way OP. Every other day there's a post from someone who is struggling to make friends.

I think you need to widen your circle and go in with the expectation that most people are not going to reciprocate in the way that you might hope. I'm friends with a group of women in my neighborhood and we regularly do things together. But even in our group there are 2 women who frequently host and plan, 3-4 that will host and plan sometimes and a few that never host or only host once a year. When I host I include everyone, even the people that don't reciprocate because I enjoy spending time with them and they are good guests and good friends. If the people that you are trying to plan things with aren't giving you enough of a reason to keep making the effort then move on. But if they are otherwise good company and you enjoy spending time with them then do so. People that flake AND don't reciprocate don't seem worth the effort.

It helps to make friends with the planner of the group. They like to host, plan things frequently, feel comfortable connecting different people and generally have lots of casual friends. They typically include new people to events when they host instead of always having the same people over. They're not always easy to find but once you do they often are the best way to be invited things and to make more friends. That's why it can feel like a numbers game. You just have to keep trying.

The planner of the group is usually a queen-bee type.

Anonymous wrote:I am a horrible planner, but I am there if my friends plan something. I just really cannot do it myself.

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely not alone in feeling this way OP. Every other day there's a post from someone who is struggling to make friends.

I think you need to widen your circle and go in with the expectation that most people are not going to reciprocate in the way that you might hope. I'm friends with a group of women in my neighborhood and we regularly do things together. But even in our group there are 2 women who frequently host and plan, 3-4 that will host and plan sometimes and a few that never host or only host once a year. When I host I include everyone, even the people that don't reciprocate because I enjoy spending time with them and they are good guests and good friends. If the people that you are trying to plan things with aren't giving you enough of a reason to keep making the effort then move on. But if they are otherwise good company and you enjoy spending time with them then do so. People that flake AND don't reciprocate don't seem worth the effort.

It helps to make friends with the planner of the group. They like to host, plan things frequently, feel comfortable connecting different people and generally have lots of casual friends. They typically include new people to events when they host instead of always having the same people over. They're not always easy to find but once you do they often are the best way to be invited things and to make more friends. That's why it can feel like a numbers game. You just have to keep trying.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mad about flaky friend or acquaintences anymore. I know that they do not have bandwidth for even day to day life. I will host and invite but if they ask what to bring, I will assign them some thing that they can buy and get. I have zero hopes that they will ever be able to reciprocate because they are too dysfuntional - so I convert the celebrations into potlucks. However, they are not boring people so I don't mind hanging out with them.