Lovely older gay male relative has been with his partner for 30 years, married for 10. Partner/husband:

* "Retired" at about 40. Proceeded to run half-ass antiques, catering, and design businesses (into the ground)

* Needs leased Mercedes and Jeep Rubicon type of vehicles to make an impression on the Wine Country townspeople. Cousin drives a Chevy Bolt.

* Convinced cousin to purchase a condo in New Orleans. Has made multiple trips there to fix up the place to VRBO. All trips must be first class because he "doesn't ride in the back of the bus" (actually posts that on FB). Nothing apparently has been done, an no one can rent in its current stage.

* Day drinks.

Cousin is a cancer survivor, who commutes 3+ hours a day back and forth from their overpriced rented house in a vineyard.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t tip and plays dumb

Will only travel if houseguesting or hosted

Won’t do anything around the house unless asked and reminded

Never garbs the dinner bill or asks to split it, let’s it sit there

Likes to “take turns” paying for things - museum admittances or meals out- but when your turn he eats and drinks 4 courses, when his turn just has a soup.

He has lots of savings, it’s like this rude game he plays trying to get other people to do stuff for him.

His parents are the same. Rich penny pinchers who are more than happy for other people to cover them all the time. Once they literally didn’t attend a relatives wedding because they “didn’t know whose house they could stay at.” For awhile they thought it was no big deal to squish in the unrelated brides hometown house. That’s how clueless or cheap or rude they are.

Sounds like my multimillionaire inlaws. They will either not attend or are extremely annoyed at out of town family events if they have to pay for a hotel. Whenever possible they call dibbs on staying with someone, knowing full well that others will then have to pay for a hotel, which they despise doing. MIL is missing her niece's bridal shower because her sister (mother of the bride) doesn't have room for her and she doesn't want to pay for a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a spouse who’s a mooch, looking back what we’re some of the warning signs while dating?

We have a good friend who is 15 years into an unhappy marriage with a mooch and layabout... The warning signs he has flagged:

- They met through one of those "It's Just Lunch" matchmaking. Their schtick is that they are for "professionals" only, which means minimum they need a college degree. This woman lied on the form and said she had a college degree. He found out a month later, but was already hooked....
- She somehow managed to get him to buy her a BMW SUV during their 9-months of dating. A year prior to dating, she was literally homeless, living in her 20 year old Toyota Tercel.
- During their 9 month dating period, her mother was consistently putting the pressure on, like "did you get a ring yet? Lock it down."

This friend of ours confided during the 9 months dating that he was concerned she was just with him for his money because of all of the above. He is, however, a moron, who likes large breasted blond women - of which she was.

She got pregnant within a year, and they threw her a "retirement" party at her first trimester. He was shocked, SHOCKED, when she turned out to be a terrible stay at home mom.

Again, he had on the big boobs blinders.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a spouse who’s a mooch, looking back what we’re some of the warning signs while dating?

While dating?

Couldn’t hold down a job
Talked a big talk but nothing made sense
Still lived with parents
Always getting a new 1 yr degree, enabled by parents.
Their mom paid their bills and managed their bank account or paycheck if they had one
Called themselves a Property Manager alongside their parents rental properties they claimed to own outright as a gift I suppose


Basically Peter Pan syndrome and no common sense made them a moocher. They have no consequences to any of their bad decisions, just keep getting bailed out by the parents.

My husband’s ex-wife didn’t work during their fourteen year marriage. No kids. Didn’t do much: no hobbies or friends, and according to DH didn’t cook or clean. He said the only thing she enjoyed was planning and going on vacations, which they did several times a year.

I consider that to be mooching behavior.

this was my former SIL too. Never worked (nothing was good enough for her fancy mba degree, yet she was incapable of getting or holding a job she considered good enough probably due to her emotional issies); went to the gym a lot; only cooked weird calorie free, dairy free food her eating disorders allowed; did not clean or do stuff like that. loved to travel; finally left my brother after she got her citizenship AND the length of their marriage qualified her for a lot of his assets, 5k monthly alimony in california (even though no kids and my brother put her through B school and his income was about 165k). she is the worst mooch ever. If she had worked, too, my brother could have benefitted from her income but she just took took took. Spoiled rotten by daddy too, who probably supports her now (though she walked away with a lot of money).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to be a sahm

Yep wanting to care for children is the worst!

Mine wanted to be a SAHM for 10 years before the first child was born. After the first child was born she realized how much work she'd have to do and got a low-paying job. But during a 9-month period of unemployment she kept the kid in full-day day care.

Wow! Did you have or are you having more children with her?

Anonymous wrote:Routinely asking any of the following:

What’s for dinner (after you both worked all day)

Have you seen my X? (Looking for a house manager)

Telling his family that they need to check with you on plans.

Inability to keep their house clean, laundry done.

All of this plus a million excuses for why they couldn’t work full time or actually manage kids/ household schedules even though expressed a desire to be the SAP.

Wants to be a SAH Dog Mom

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t tip and plays dumb

Will only travel if houseguesting or hosted

Won’t do anything around the house unless asked and reminded

Never garbs the dinner bill or asks to split it, let’s it sit there

Likes to “take turns” paying for things - museum admittances or meals out- but when your turn he eats and drinks 4 courses, when his turn just has a soup.

He has lots of savings, it’s like this rude game he plays trying to get other people to do stuff for him.

His parents are the same. Rich penny pinchers who are more than happy for other people to cover them all the time. Once they literally didn’t attend a relatives wedding because they “didn’t know whose house they could stay at.” For awhile they thought it was no big deal to squish in the unrelated brides hometown house. That’s how clueless or cheap or rude they are.

Funny but not funny… how embarrassing for you.

Anonymous wrote:I was once almost engaged to a divorced dad who suggested I should stop saving in my 401k once we got married (because he had plenty of retirement savings for “us” already) and help him put his kids through college.

Yeah, he should have moved that money to your account if he wanted to walk that walk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to be a sahm

Yep wanting to care for children is the worst!

Mine wanted to be a SAHM for 10 years before the first child was born. After the first child was born she realized how much work she'd have to do and got a low-paying job. But during a 9-month period of unemployment she kept the kid in full-day day care.

Is she really a mooch if she worked for 10 years?

You misread. Married for 10 years with no kids. Se didn't work during those 10 years. She also didn't do housework. She also complained that I didn't make enough and should do even more housework (I did a lot of it). Typical spoiled clueless DC woman.

Absurd this is not "typical"

Doesn’t tip and plays dumb

Will only travel if houseguesting or hosted

Won’t do anything around the house unless asked and reminded

Never garbs the dinner bill or asks to split it, let’s it sit there

Likes to “take turns” paying for things - museum admittances or meals out- but when your turn he eats and drinks 4 courses, when his turn just has a soup.

He has lots of savings, it’s like this rude game he plays trying to get other people to do stuff for him.

His parents are the same. Rich penny pinchers who are more than happy for other people to cover them all the time. Once they literally didn’t attend a relatives wedding because they “didn’t know whose house they could stay at.” For awhile they thought it was no big deal to squish in the unrelated brides hometown house. That’s how clueless or cheap or rude they are.

My husband’s ex-wife didn’t work during their fourteen year marriage. No kids. Didn’t do much: no hobbies or friends, and according to DH didn’t cook or clean. He said the only thing she enjoyed was planning and going on vacations, which they did several times a year.

I consider that to be mooching behavior.