Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult (presumably) and can make his own choices. Land the helicopter.

Clearly he can't. That's why he's telling mom, and why mom needs to step up and teach what he hasn't learned yet: these boys are toxic trash, and he needs to be the man and walk away. She did not raise him to become toxic trash.

She can't "tell him" to do anything, she can listen and advise him but he is an adult and he needs to make the decision on his own. That said, sure you could withhold payment of dues if he wasn't going to pay them himself. Sadly it's a life lesson he needs to learn. Stand up for yourself and leave when you're in a dangerous or otherwise harmful situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZrqrzG3UA8

Film about Nolan Burch, who died during fraternity hazing in 2014. It's about half an hour long and well worth watching.

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult (presumably) and can make his own choices. Land the helicopter.

Clearly he can't. That's why he's telling mom, and why mom needs to step up and teach what he hasn't learned yet: these boys are toxic trash, and he needs to be the man and walk away. She did not raise him to become toxic trash.

Anonymous wrote:Some universities and/or fraternities penalize the hazer AND the hazee (victim). Just sharing in case this reason might be why your son (a victim, full stop) is hesitant to take a stand. This sucks, I’m sorry.

Zero tolerance policies have done quite a number on American educational environment. Basically turn all the good kids into a lamb to a slaughter.

Some universities and/or fraternities penalize the hazer AND the hazee (victim). Just sharing in case this reason might be why your son (a victim, full stop) is hesitant to take a stand. This sucks, I’m sorry.

I wonder what the parents of kids who died during hazing thought beforehand…that it wasn’t that bad? That their kid would be able to handle it?

There are frats that successfully initiate new members without putting them in danger. Report the ones that don’t. This has to stop.

A friends son went through this last year and he along with several fellow pledges dropped. In fact, almost half the pledge class dropped after a couple of weeks. My DS pledged another frat at the same school and was fully prepared to drop it he minute he was uncomfortable but he was not. The boys really need to look at the reputation of the houses and ask around about pledging practices before they join and they need to be ready to walk away.

Anonymous wrote:He should report it and not join.

+1

I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult (presumably) and can make his own choices. Land the helicopter.

Just proven to me that the "land your helicopter" types are just jerks.

My neighbors kid quit his after pledges were told to steal library furniture for the frat house. They also requested new plates from the dining hall. Proud of him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult (presumably) and can make his own choices. Land the helicopter.

It’s not the 18 year son that I would struggle with making the right choices. It’s the other 18, 19 & 20 year olds I wouldn’t trust to handle an initiation safely with my kid.

Not OP.

Great point !

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult (presumably) and can make his own choices. Land the helicopter.

It’s not the 18 year son that I would struggle with making the right choices. It’s the other 18, 19 & 20 year olds I wouldn’t trust to handle an initiation safely with my kid.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nervous wreck. Any advice? I’ve told him to walk away at any time, he’s a confident, social guy, doesn’t need to be in a fraternity. What I know so far is pretty bad.

How bad ?