Anonymous wrote:Our kids will always be welcome in our house. I actually, you know, like my kids!

Anonymous wrote:Than have them live at home during college or after.

Yes, I am a traditional white American. It is beyond my range of experience and observation for young adults to live with their parents for an extended time after they are 18. I would have never dreamed of it. My sisters never did. My parents would never have gone for it barring serious illness. And I don't really remember any of my friends doing it either. Summers were the longest times spent at 'home' after high school graduation.

Anyone else think like this?

Anonymous wrote:Than have them live at home during college or after.

Yes, I am a traditional white American. It is beyond my range of experience and observation for young adults to live with their parents for an extended time after they are 18. I would have never dreamed of it. My sisters never did. My parents would never have gone for it barring serious illness. And I don't really remember any of my friends doing it either. Summers were the longest times spent at 'home' after high school graduation.

Anyone else think like this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.

As I said in my OP, I am a white American. It is not within the range of my experience. I am aware this is very normal elsewhere. I just could not do it and can't imagine doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was expected that we launch at 18 (my sibling brood that graduated 88-93). We did, and I am glad for it; I, the youngest, craved freedom and independence. I had wild times and no safety net, and I was acutely aware of that. I had times I felt no one could save me, no one could understand. I went through painful depression, alcohol and drug misuse.

I also had wonderful, memorable times, made lots of friends, persevered and became a successful person, despite my mother's real, articulated fear and belief that I would be a freak or a failure.

Worrying about my kid living with me is not one of my worries. One kid is well on his way to success, and will live in our city with us this summer for an internship. The other is much younger. I cannot imagine ever not opening my home to them. Or even, their eventual families, if it came to that.

Even if the worst happened, these are my boys, I am their parent, I am one they can depend on. What is love, if it's not that?*

I read a thing once that said "Extreme indepedence is a trauma reaction" and that fit for me. I could never ask for help. I want the boys to be independent, but to believe that they'll get help if they need it and ask for it.

*Caveats for drawing boundaries for kids who are spoiled, take advantage, are rude, etc.

cost of living is soo much higher, are you yearning for the days of no cell phones and stay at home moms? wtf

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister lived with our parents after college. She lived with them for 3 years. Every month she put $2500 into a savings account. That what she figured she would have spent in rent, food, and utilities. She also put a bit away each month for savings. When she bought her house, she was able to put down $125K which isn't bad for a 26 yr old.

Having seen this play out, I would let my kids live with me after college. As parents we are all trying to give our kids the best start in life....we look for good school districts so our kids have a good education and we try to pay for college so they are not burdened with student loans. This is just one more way that people can set their kids up for financial success.

Yes to this. This is such a gift to give to a young person, to allow them to not have to spend ever penny of their income in their first job on living expenses, so that they can actually get a foothold in the world.

I would also happily host my kid while they did an unpaid internship that could help them launch their career, or while they attended graduate school if that's what they wanted.

Anonymous wrote:So you're boasting that none of you ever suffered from mental or physical ailments such that you couldn't leave your parents' house at a socially appropriate time?





I'm not sure that's a good look, OP.

I think instead you should express gratitude you were all healthy enough in mind and body that you could have the typical American experience.

Anonymous wrote:I would want my kids to stay with me and save as much money as they can because they won't pay for rent, utilities, food, car etc in my house. I want them to have a good nest egg before they leave the house. At least 100K. Of which 50K should be in retirement funds that they can't touch. Apart from that, if they want to continue to stay in a joint family, then there are further discussions to have and details hammered out.

I would rather that my kids acquire more wealth than we have within 10-15 years of working. Of course, we are not White.

Anonymous wrote:
What an ignorant person you are, OP.

In European and Asian cities, it's the norm for undergrads to live at home, since they can commute to college and save money on expensive rent. Indeed, universities don't have dorms in the American sense. There are living quarters for some students, but never enough for everyone. The students from the countryside are often left to find roommates in the city at large with minimal help from their college.

I hope one day you can understand that your lived experience means squat if you can't open your mind and consider there are other perfectly fine ways to live. It's embarrassing to declare as you did: "Here's what I'm used to and can't fathom people who do things differently". You are saying: "I have no clue how the world works and why people do what they do, so I'll just judge them without any understanding of their situation".

Colleges in the US want kids to sleep on campus so they can bilk you out of room and board, ostensibly to "promote independence and a tighter-knit student body". It's complete bullshit, given that hundreds of thousands of university students in the world don't live like that and do perfectly fine.

It's really important in life to question the rites of passage and traditions themselves, instead of questioning the people who don't adhere to them. The former is critical thinking, the latter is narrow-minded intolerance.