Why are you criticizing?

If the money is there and relatives are willing to share, what's the problem?! It's up to each family to figure out whether they can accept money with more or less strings attached.

No one we know is in this situation, but I see no problem with it.

You can admit to envy if you want, but you look stupid if you pretend there's some moral flaw in supporting adults. All it is if the green eyed monster!

Anonymous wrote:We have several friends who receive money from parents who choose to gift it during life rather than leave it until death. None of these friends need it for basic support but they spend it on themselves and their kids just as the parents intend. If I had money to leave my kids, I would certainly rather see them vacationing and doing fun things during my (and their) life than giving them a lump sum when I die.

I see that, but it is support even if under the auspices of estate planning.

Look, we are probably going to be in the position to do this to some extent with our kids. I told DH they need to figure out how to support themselves, but I am really open to providing money for real estate if it lands them in a better school district, etc. Might not be willing to do this for K-12 private school.

Anonymous wrote:What does financial support mean to you? My parents are wealthy and pay for family vacations and my kid's private school tuition. DH and I have good jobs and pay our bills and save appropriately. I wouldn't say my parents support us although we would make some different decisions if they didn't help with those things.

LOL, yeah, tell yourself that.

Anonymous wrote:My hubby got nothing but their debt and expenses, some parents are in position to spoil grown children, some grown children are in position to spoil parents.

Did your DH's parents have money? My parents did not but they ended up needing only modest assistance over a few patches. OTOH, DH's parents have practically blown through their money. I'm stunned that they have done this.

Anonymous wrote:Usually these people say “we don’t need the money, we support ourselves” before naming something they do that is enabled by the gifts they receive from their parents

LOL, like one of the PPs above who basically claims not be to be dependent, but doesn't need to worry about retirement. WTH - that is the FIRST thing any financial planner tells middle class parents when it comes to college expenses.

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

It's estate planning for the parents, but support for the recipients. I grew up working class, so I picked up on this fairly quickly, but took DH a bit of time to figure out who was getting cash and other forms of wealth transfers from parents. It's not hard to do, especially if you are working in similar jobs and have an idea about salary ranges. Some of these recipients are fairly clueless that not all of their peers receive comparable support.

OP, unless you know the specifics, you really don't know. Your question is too general.

Many parents rather do charity than spoil grown adults.

Usually these people say “we don’t need the money, we support ourselves” before naming something they do that is enabled by the gifts they receive from their parents

Anonymous wrote:“Estate planning” = support

If the dollars roll to you, you are getting support.

This. When you know money is coming, you spend differently.

It’s common. Especially in this area. People will receive gifts (houses, cars, vacations/vacation homes, kids tuition, etc) from their parents until the parents pass, at which point they’ll receive the rest of the money.

“Estate planning” = support

If the dollars roll to you, you are getting support.

My hubby got nothing but their debt and expenses, some parents are in position to spoil grown children, some grown children are in position to spoil parents.

Estate planning.

Taxes are the enemy of generational wealth.

Instead of waiting for a taxable inheritance, money is shunted down the generations throughout the decades.

It's the RESPONSIBLE thing to do.

I am not in that situation, but if I were, I would absolutely do the same thing!!!

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

This. My inlaws gift us $15k each a year. Because they have it and rather we go on more vacations, spend it on our kids 529s etc. They are not "stuff" people so they drive and old car and wear old clothes. I get them nice presents to make their life more comfortable. But with generous fed pensions, a paid off house and few expenses (they are too old to travel) they dont need anything. We make enough and don't need their money either and donate generously to charity already.