Anonymous wrote:OP, don't go. You are the cheap one and family probably knows it. It's not your first time or last time to be cheap, and considering 2023 just started, you don't want to spend the money. It's family and you go and suck the expense up or don't go because you don't like the person.
There is so much work out there right now, I don't know what your excuse is for not having money other than being cheap.
OR do talk to the organizer if you must go. There's a way for you to leave cash with him/her before hand- the $25 and whatever you are going to eat. You don't take your cheapness out on the restaurant or the server.
Family knows you are cheap. They may pay for it all, so stop sweating.

The person who is cheap is the host who doesn’t pay for their guests.

It’s typical for the host to pay for everyone’s dinner for these kinds of things. If you don’t think that’s the case, I would ask beforehand. I would think it’s completely reasonable for you only to pay for your meal, tax, tip and some money towards the birthday person, but even if that’s your plan going in, someone (usually the person ordering appetizers, lots of drinks, and the most expensive items) is going to insist on splitting it equally among everyone because it’s “easier”.

OP, don't go. You are the cheap one and family probably knows it. It's not your first time or last time to be cheap, and considering 2023 just started, you don't want to spend the money. It's family and you go and suck the expense up or don't go because you don't like the person.
There is so much work out there right now, I don't know what your excuse is for not having money other than being cheap.
OR do talk to the organizer if you must go. There's a way for you to leave cash with him/her before hand- the $25 and whatever you are going to eat. You don't take your cheapness out on the restaurant or the server.
Family knows you are cheap. They may pay for it all, so stop sweating.

This is why I host a family/friend birthday dinner in my home. If guests want to bring something, great. It’s an awkward ask OP, but needs to be done.

Given it is all family, I would absolutely go. I disagree that if you can't afford to subsidize the meals of the other guests, then you shouldn't attend. If it wasn't family, then it could get too dicey but these are your family members!

Talk to them. It is family. Surely they would rather have you there rather than not have you there unless you help cover their food / drinks. Talk to the host to see how they anticipate sharing the costs.

If the guest of honour is also hosting - just let them know that you would love to come but you are on a $25 budget and is there a way to make that work?


Not quite the same but once when I was a grad student I attended a conference and ended up going out to dinner with my supervisor and 3 of her prof friends. We arrived at what turned out to be a really expensive restaurant. I thought I would just order the cheapest thing and get away with it but then they just told the waiter to divide the bill equally amongst the 5 of us. I had ot put it on a credit card and it took out my entire food budget for the month and left me in a really bad situation. Twas a really good learnig experience and I have pretyt much declined all further professional invitations since! I had grown up pretty poor and had never been to expensive restaurants and had no idea that a dinner could cost so much or that people split the costs regardless of what they ate or drank. Those things don't happen in my world!

Ask the organizer ahead of time. No need to go into specifics. May I ask how we will handle the bill for dinner? If they ask why?just tell the truth i want tk be prepared beforehand

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't go. You are too uptight and too cheap to go to any sort of group dinner.

The guest of honor who planned the party and is possibly going to have their guess pay their own way is the only cheap person in this scenario.

Yeah, this may work for older more established people, but most younger people don’t have that kind of money yet.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the other people who said don’t go. Yes, it’s rude to ask people to pay for a dinner they invite you to, but that’s the situation and you already know that going in. If you are not prepared to split the bill evenly amongst the guests excluding the celebrant, then just don’t go. Anything else is just unnecessary drama.

if you would react with “drama” to a person in your dining group asking for their own check - you’re the problem

If the birthday person invited everyone, they are expecting to pay. If it’s more of a “hey, let’s get together to celebrate X’s birthday” then it is probably each pay for their own and chip in equally for the birthday person or maybe split equally. I think it’s fine to ask, especially as splitting evenly can cause a lot of hard feelings when some people are on a budget and drinking water and others are ordering bottles of wine and apps for the table.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't go. You are too uptight and too cheap to go to any sort of group dinner.

The guest of honor who planned the party and is possibly going to have their guess pay their own way is the only cheap person in this scenario.

You can whine about this all you want but as a 38 yr old I have never once been invited to this kind of birthday party where someone else was paying for the group. It’s absolutely far and away the norm now for the group to split the check.

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't go. You are too uptight and too cheap to go to any sort of group dinner.

The guest of honor who planned the party and is possibly going to have their guess pay their own way is the only cheap person in this scenario.

Anonymous wrote:For a big group separate checks may not even be allowed by the restaurant policy. How many guests are there?

This. You might not be able to get a separate check.

For a big group separate checks may not even be allowed by the restaurant policy. How many guests are there?

I don't agree. I think it's perfectly reasonable to contact the organizer and say something like, I would love to come but I am on a limited budget. Happy to pay for my own meal and chip in X toward the guest of honor. As someone who often picks up the check for family members, I would absolutely welcome that. My own approach is to ask family to chip in what they are comfortable with and then I pick up the rest. I'd always rather someone come than stay at home because they are worried about the cost.

I agree with the other people who said don’t go. Yes, it’s rude to ask people to pay for a dinner they invite you to, but that’s the situation and you already know that going in. If you are not prepared to split the bill evenly amongst the guests excluding the celebrant, then just don’t go. Anything else is just unnecessary drama.