Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:34     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.



Who manages the trust when your parents die?


My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:34     Subject: Re:Second marriage finances
Everything I own is in a trust. I have a house and investments. If I die everything goes into the trust. The trustee is a paid family member with oversight from my sister. The trust has instructions. All the money goes to my children and grandchildren. All of it won't go to them most of it will stay in the trust.

My H had a house that he sold and he bought a beach house. That is in his name. All his assets go to his kids, he does not have a trust.

We have a joint account that pays for utilities, and food. Otherwise, there are not joint bills. We each put a set amount into that account. We also use that account to pay for flights/hotels/etc.

I pay for my kids college, he pays for his kids college.

My kids are on my health insurance, his kids are on his.

We have decided to pay for each of our kids weddings out of our own funds because he has girls and I don't. Also, I had very small weddings so I'd really be insane about big wedding, but we don't' have to worry about that because those decision are not mine to make.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:33     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.


The bio dad would have incentive to leave them to his bio kids. Your DH does not.


I want DH to get what we have together now. If I die, he still needs to support himself later in life. I never planned to leave my kids with a huge inheritance. We plan to spend our earnings while we’re alive.

My parents are healthy. Oldest kid is almost 18. He would be the manger of the trust if my parents are unable. I already have separate college funds for each kid. Not sure why they would need more than what I planned.

Yeah if you die tomorrow and your kids move out and your DH lives another 30 years, do you think your kids will get anything when he dies? if you want them to get more than your life insurance, you have to leave it to them. Also are your parents healthy enough to be the trustees? Who is the trustee if something happens to them? Is it your DH?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:30     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.



Who manages the trust when your parents die?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:27     Subject: Second marriage finances
No kids from first or second. Everything separate. Childfree and life is bliss. Married now 28 yrs. 😀
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:24     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.


What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.



What are you even going on about? The PP is very smart to not blend. If both parties have means and kids there's no reason they can't preserve their own estates for their children.

I'm the same, my assets are in a trust. My (second) husband has his own assets. I have no interest in them. And he has no interest in mine. We are both self sufficient but we also don't nickle and dime things like meals out. We split who pays but no one is keeping score. It works for us.


Well part of my dream for a family is building a joint lifestyle and legacy, which is pretty much impossible in this situation.


Translation: A man is the plan, i need his money and I don't want it to go to his kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:24     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We don't commingle any accounts and never will.

We each own a home we bought before we were married.

Wills haven't changed (all to my kids) but I did put him as the beneficiary to one of my savings.


What a shitty thing to have to settle this much for companionship.

I will regret my first marriage as long as I live, it leads to garbage like this and what is the point.



Sorry you can't support yourself but most of us are adults and can.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:23     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.


The bio dad would have incentive to leave them to his bio kids. Your DH does not.


Yeah if you die tomorrow and your kids move out and your DH lives another 30 years, do you think your kids will get anything when he dies? if you want them to get more than your life insurance, you have to leave it to them. Also are your parents healthy enough to be the trustees? Who is the trustee if something happens to them? Is it your DH?
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 20:03     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No idea how to navigate this but it’s one of the things that keeps me from getting too involved with someone


+1

Some women go man to man, though.


Unless he dies this sounds like so much work and stress with multiple divorces.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 19:08     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:No idea how to navigate this but it’s one of the things that keeps me from getting too involved with someone


+1

Some women go man to man, though.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 19:04     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:I'm widowed with 3 children. If I were to marry again, I would keep everything separate.


In your situation if I married again I would keep everything premarital separate.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 19:02     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.


The bio dad would have incentive to leave them to his bio kids. Your DH does not.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 17:32     Subject: Second marriage finances
I'm widowed with 3 children. If I were to marry again, I would keep everything separate.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 17:23     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.


No. If I predecease him, the life insurance goes into a trust managed by my parents. The kids would go full time to their bio father. DH would get the rest of my resource. If I was married to bio dad, all my resources would go to bio dad.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2023 16:23     Subject: Second marriage finances
Anonymous wrote:Everything joint. I have 3 kids from first marriage. DH has none. I have life insurance with my kids as beneficiaries that will go into a trust with my parents managing the trust. Once my kids are out of college, I’ll reevaluate the life insurance.

For DH and me, all our income, savings, investments, and real estate are in both our names. When either of us dies, it all goes to the other.

I don’t find this to be complicated at all and it seems weird to not partner because of finances. DH and I both make relatively similar salaries and come to the relationship with similar assets.


This all works out great unless you pre-decease him.