Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is on her third marriage. Sometimes things just happen.

She got married the first time at 17, after HS graduation, because that's what people did when they were in love where she grew up. What most didn't do is go to college, but both she and her husband went, and figured out along the way that they were wrong for each other. Divorced after 3 years, no kids.

She then got married to a very nice doctor, 10 years older and establishing himself after finishing up the residency. Everything seemed perfect. A few years later, red flags started appearing, by the time they divorced, he was in a full blown mental health crisis. He hasn't worked since.

The third time was the charm. She married a normal guy and they've been married for over 15 years. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with her, just extremely bad luck with the second marriage.

Nah, your friend definitely has some “stuff” going on that make her flakier than most. Maybe being with the right guy will be a good fit and she’ll make it work this time. But people don’t just marry at 17 because that’s what people did. And people don’t just marry recent medical residents 10 years older than them (so she would have been early mid 20s still) - where doctors are already a notorious group of narcissists often with mental health issues, who are known to be difficult to be with even in the best of times. Sorry, but your friend clearly was willing to overlook red flags both times in order to get married.

Who sees or knows what red flags are at 17? Go chew rocks.

LOL. Really? I knew that college was a better choice than getting married by the time I was 10!

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is on her third marriage. Sometimes things just happen.

She got married the first time at 17, after HS graduation, because that's what people did when they were in love where she grew up. What most didn't do is go to college, but both she and her husband went, and figured out along the way that they were wrong for each other. Divorced after 3 years, no kids.

She then got married to a very nice doctor, 10 years older and establishing himself after finishing up the residency. Everything seemed perfect. A few years later, red flags started appearing, by the time they divorced, he was in a full blown mental health crisis. He hasn't worked since.

The third time was the charm. She married a normal guy and they've been married for over 15 years. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with her, just extremely bad luck with the second marriage.

She has poor decision-making skills. That's what's wrong with her.

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is on his third marriage. He and MIL divorced after a decade. Bad fit, and they brought out the worst in each other. She went off the deep end during the divorce and didn’t mellow out for another 25 years or so. She’s cool now. FIL’s wife 2 was MIL’s best friend from childhood (part of why she was so messed up by the divorce). She passed away a few years ago. Wife 3 was a family friend whose husband died of the same illness as wife 2. They get along wonderfully and seem really good for each other. They seem to have this agreement that the deceased spouses were their true loves, but they’ve found new love and happiness that’s as good as it gets now. They both have plans to be buried with the deceased spouses when they pass rather than each other.

My question for situations like this is why bother getting married? I realize it's none of my business but it seems like it would make the financial stuff more complicated

Anonymous wrote:OP here. After reading this thread I could see why 3 marriages could make sense (terminal illness, 1st marriage was in college, etc). But marriages #4 and beyond really stump me.

People who marry and stay married to people they don't really love, like your parents, stump me.

Anonymous wrote:I am really not being snarky, I am genuinely curious about the thought process behind it. I am not saying it’s a bad thing but it is foreign to me. My parents are probably not in love and have slept in separate rooms for many years, but they’ve been married for 30 years.

A) Your parents sound tragic. What's the point of that? So you can run around bragging about how long you've been married even though you actually loathe each other?
B) None of your f***g business.

I’m recently divorced. Thinking about dating a lady divorced twice. Handful of boyfriends that didn’t work out. She’s been through a lot of therapy. Hoping she has it figured out.

My FIL is on his third marriage. He and MIL divorced after a decade. Bad fit, and they brought out the worst in each other. She went off the deep end during the divorce and didn’t mellow out for another 25 years or so. She’s cool now. FIL’s wife 2 was MIL’s best friend from childhood (part of why she was so messed up by the divorce). She passed away a few years ago. Wife 3 was a family friend whose husband died of the same illness as wife 2. They get along wonderfully and seem really good for each other. They seem to have this agreement that the deceased spouses were their true loves, but they’ve found new love and happiness that’s as good as it gets now. They both have plans to be buried with the deceased spouses when they pass rather than each other.

My dad is in his third. Widowed after 19 years. Then he remarried too quickly out of grief and the woman turned out to be really not a good fit, so that ended after a few years. A few years later, he married the woman who was my mother's best friend and they are very happy together. I'm so happy for them both!

Anonymous wrote:My first marriage lasted less than a year, no kids. We were very young and stupid and thankfully both realized it wasn’t going to work.

Second marriage lasted 18 years and we had kids, but divorced after DH’s affair came to light.

Will I marry again? Maybe…..I’m older now and it just might not be in the cards for me. But I still believe in marriage and the thought of being alone is painful.

So weird but your first two marriages and I mine are almost identical!

I am so happily married (15 years) for the third time - finally got it right!

Anonymous wrote:Sure.

I married a boyfriend when I was in my early twenties on a whim. Literally one evening he said “let’s get married” and the next day we were wed. Our relationship didn’t really change, we didn’t tell everyone, we didn’t have a wedding/party. We broke up within the year and got divorced, it was friendly and easy.

I had a proper engagement/wedding in my late twenties. Fully intended to be married forever - obviously - but husband became increasingly abusive and cheated, which was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

After five or so years post-divorce I met a great guy, dated, got engaged and got married. He’s the love of my life. It all worked out!

Wow, eventually you figured it out!

Because they thrive from the social status of not being single and because after so much time married, their brains are incapable of functioning for themselves.

OP here. After reading this thread I could see why 3 marriages could make sense (terminal illness, 1st marriage was in college, etc). But marriages #4 and beyond really stump me.

My MIL eloped when she was 18 with a guy who turned out to be abusive so that didn't last long. Shes gone her whole life with undiagnosed ADHD and she's pretty codependent so not surprising she would do something impulsive like that in 1968.

Then she married my DH's dad when she was 24 and he was 38. He is a great guy but it's clear she married him out of guilt for eloping to make her parents proud of her b/c he was the perfect husband on paper for them (same religion, wealthy, successful family business etc) They had 3 kids and separated when my DH was 13. Divorce was protracted (b/c $) and finally divorced when he was 16.

Her third marriage is to a guy who she was very friendly with when my DH was a kid. He had two boys around the same age and they were always thrown together whether it was karate, boy scouts, etc. I don't think there was a physical affair but there was definitely an emotional affair. He threw her a 40th surprise bday party when she was still married and my DH was 10! Not sure how that was ok but my FIL is a confirmed workaholic. He's 86 and finally retired this year.

Anyway they've been married for 20+ years now and seem to be happy with one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is on her third marriage. Sometimes things just happen.

She got married the first time at 17, after HS graduation, because that's what people did when they were in love where she grew up. What most didn't do is go to college, but both she and her husband went, and figured out along the way that they were wrong for each other. Divorced after 3 years, no kids.

She then got married to a very nice doctor, 10 years older and establishing himself after finishing up the residency. Everything seemed perfect. A few years later, red flags started appearing, by the time they divorced, he was in a full blown mental health crisis. He hasn't worked since.

The third time was the charm. She married a normal guy and they've been married for over 15 years. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with her, just extremely bad luck with the second marriage.

Nah, your friend definitely has some “stuff” going on that make her flakier than most. Maybe being with the right guy will be a good fit and she’ll make it work this time. But people don’t just marry at 17 because that’s what people did. And people don’t just marry recent medical residents 10 years older than them (so she would have been early mid 20s still) - where doctors are already a notorious group of narcissists often with mental health issues, who are known to be difficult to be with even in the best of times. Sorry, but your friend clearly was willing to overlook red flags both times in order to get married.

Who sees or knows what red flags are at 17? Go chew rocks.

The very act of marrying at age 17 is a red flag. Not that the DH had specific red flags. Smart or rational people who grow up in those small, poor towns don't get married at age 17; they're self aware of how f'd up the culture in their community is and leave as soon as possible. Maybe not in 1950. But people had pretty good awareness of this by the 80s.

My grandfather married 4 times. In his case it was having a lot of wealth and women who wanted to be married. He liked having a woman at home to take care of him, but he could never be happy with just one so….