Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 17:10     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
No, wait, you want him to sleep past six! Are you insane?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 17:10     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
You want him for sleepp from 7 till 6? How long is his nap?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 17:08     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
4:45 to 6 is not such a great definition.If he sleeps till 6, that is really great. Is he wakes up before 5, not ideal, but what is his bedtime?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 16:59     Subject: Re:4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Tell him to stay in his room and quietly entertain himself until the time you designate it's ok to get up. Our now 4 year old learned to do this around 3, he had to learn that skill and we would gently reinforce it, but basically it's a great skill to learn anyways on how to entertain yourself when nobody wants to play. He gets cars, stuffies, dinosaurs etc and then just usually lays on the floor doing his thing with his toys. He knows how to come check our phones for the time and let us know when it's time to wake up! He doesn't use screens during this time. It took some time but he learned. You mentioned he doesn't have any toys in his room, maybe have him help you put together a toy box that will be in his room for this purpose. My DS would go through spurts of getting up way too early, and then he'd make up for it later with sleeping in later for a few weeks. We just rolled with it. We didn't always love it, you can encourage them to sleep during the times you want them to but ultimately you can't force it!
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 15:44     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Anonymous wrote:Don’t lock him in. It means your authority is out the window and you’re resorting (already!) to external measures.

Keep getting him in bed early. Take away all screens - maybe one half hour show a day? And so the thing a PP said- silent walk backs. It’s going to be rough. It will work if you’re consistent. Oh! And Megan Leahy - the parent coach in the WAPO always says to talk to your kid during the day about the new plan/calmly before you implement it. Good luck, OP.


OP again! Yeah, we're not going to lock him in. I'm a bit wary of his safety since he'd totally wander downstairs, but otherwise doesn't feel like a good approach for us. He's also been going to the bathroom by himself early morning and we want to encourage that and other autonomy within reason.

We also don't do much screen time so unlikely that's a factor here. But we've gone back to a later bedtime and are seeing some improvement at least in the early morning wakeups. Seems like he maxes out at 10 hours of sleep a day.

Anonymous
Post 01/24/2023 15:38     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Anonymous wrote:I think you do the walk back with no talk for 3 weeks. Every single time he leaves that room you walk him back. You do not talk to him. No lights, no anger, no questions. (I know, this would be very hard and I know it's not easy, I KNOW - you just want to say STACK THE EFF IN BED!) But do it anyway for 3 weeks, every single time, all night long.

Put a circle on Sunday February 12 and if he's gotten any better then keep it up. If by Feb 12 (after 3 honest to gosh consistency) he isn't any better, then you can tell him you will be taking away something - and mean it - for 4 weeks. No dessert, no tv/screens, whatever it is.

But I'd try the really consistent ok to wake clock for 3 full weeks - but that means that each of you do it, no yelling, no talking to him, no nothing. If his feet are outside the room and he isn't in the bathroom, you will return him to his bed.

I might not have the fortitude to do it but it's really the best way - unless you think he has special needs and really can't do this - there are some children with ADD, ADHD, autism, who REALLY CANNOT understand these limits, and it's not appropriate to expect it.


OP here, thank you, I'd like to try this. But do we really not say anything at all, even in response to him? What if it's close to his light going off and not reasonable to expect him to go back to sleep? One of my concerns is that we can't expect him to differentiate between 2 a.m. and 5:45 a.m. if we're responding the same way.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2023 21:05     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Don’t lock him in. It means your authority is out the window and you’re resorting (already!) to external measures.

Keep getting him in bed early. Take away all screens - maybe one half hour show a day? And so the thing a PP said- silent walk backs. It’s going to be rough. It will work if you’re consistent. Oh! And Megan Leahy - the parent coach in the WAPO always says to talk to your kid during the day about the new plan/calmly before you implement it. Good luck, OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2023 12:04     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Locking in is a bad idea. He is listening to his body and it says get up! So now you have to start building rules that work for the family. Most rules for very small kids are for their owns safety or well being. But as kids age the rules change and start to include “rules for being a good family member” and the “rules for being a good person.” This is time for you to start telling him that he has things he can do like play or read or get a snack but he is NOT allowed to wake up others. And also, no sleeping for him outside of the bed. Not in the car or the couch. I suspect he is sneaking in naps at other times. I would also suggest that you actually keep him up a little bit later to see if that is what he needs. I think 8 is a reasonable bed time but maybe he is just the kind of kid that runs on less.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2023 11:26     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
I would never lock my kid in AND no, it’s not ok to be mean to your child. WTF??
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2023 11:18     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lock the door. How is this a question? Lock the door. The rule in my house is you can do whatever you want if everyone else is sleeping, but you're doing it quietly in your room.


Yes, that's next for sure. We wanted him to have bathroom access since he sometimes needs to go #2 early morning, but I suppose he could call for us as he used to do. At this point I'm worried he'd loudly pound on or scream at the door but we might just have to live with that til he learns. Your boundary seems very reasonable.


No its LAZY PARENTING. It is NOT REASONABLE.

The post above outlining boundaries and reinforcement and shared space rules is reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2023 11:12     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Is he potty trained at night? Have you tried a reward system yet?

Honestly I'd let him play (quietly!) in his room as long as he's not waking up the rest of the house.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 16:46     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
At that age I let my child go downstairs, open the fridge where a small pitcher of milk was waiting, and she would then use it on the already waiting bowl of cereal I poured out the night before. At least it bought me some extra sleep time.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 16:03     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
I think you do the walk back with no talk for 3 weeks. Every single time he leaves that room you walk him back. You do not talk to him. No lights, no anger, no questions. (I know, this would be very hard and I know it's not easy, I KNOW - you just want to say STACK THE EFF IN BED!) But do it anyway for 3 weeks, every single time, all night long.

Put a circle on Sunday February 12 and if he's gotten any better then keep it up. If by Feb 12 (after 3 honest to gosh consistency) he isn't any better, then you can tell him you will be taking away something - and mean it - for 4 weeks. No dessert, no tv/screens, whatever it is.

But I'd try the really consistent ok to wake clock for 3 full weeks - but that means that each of you do it, no yelling, no talking to him, no nothing. If his feet are outside the room and he isn't in the bathroom, you will return him to his bed.

I might not have the fortitude to do it but it's really the best way - unless you think he has special needs and really can't do this - there are some children with ADD, ADHD, autism, who REALLY CANNOT understand these limits, and it's not appropriate to expect it.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 12:52     Subject: 4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lock the door. How is this a question? Lock the door. The rule in my house is you can do whatever you want if everyone else is sleeping, but you're doing it quietly in your room.


Yes, that's next for sure. We wanted him to have bathroom access since he sometimes needs to go #2 early morning, but I suppose he could call for us as he used to do. At this point I'm worried he'd loudly pound on or scream at the door but we might just have to live with that til he learns. Your boundary seems very reasonable.


Locking the door wouldn't work for my kid, he would melt down and tear the room apart. I would just set a rule (e.g., stay in the room 8pm-7am) and if he doesn't comply, take away privileges (screen time, toys, dessert, etc). And go through with it, don't just threaten.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2023 12:50     Subject: Re:4yo overnight screaming and early waking. We're so tired!
You can't make him sleep but you can make him stay in his room. Just be consistent, he stays in his room while the ok to wake clock is red and can't come out (except for potty) until it's green. When he comes out at night, you take him back with the minimum amount of communication/attention (no chit-chat, just walk him back and put him in his bed, ignore screaming and protests). If he comes back out, you do it again. And again.

It's not going to work immediately. You will have a few nights of walking him back to his room multiple times. But eventually it will work.

Kids go through sleep disruptions periodically. You just have to stay consistent and eventually they work through it/it passes.