You've taught her if she keeps asking you will give in. Stop.

I used and still tell my kids to count to certain number ( say DC asked for toys and were on the way home, I told him to count to 100 then we will get home and he can play his toy). Sing songs would also do. Sometime it’s too annoying and there’s nothing I can do I pretend I don’t hear him and let him cry and he will stop.

Husband is correct, as PPs have pointed out.

All 3-year-olds do the bratty "I want..." thing. It's all in how you handle it. When mine says "I want X," I prompt her to say "I would like X, please." And I sometimes still say no

I agree giving in every time is not going to work and will make it worse. Especially if you are giving in and your DH is not because it will just increase her current preference for you, making this worse.

However, I also suspect that your DH is simply ignoring/doing nothing, and he might think that's going to work but he is probably unwittingly making it worse as well. Kids repeat because they don't feel heard or because they have a need that isn't being met. You have to engage with them. That doesn't mean always give them what they demand, especially when it's always a preferred parent or a food different from what is being served. But "I want mommy" can mean "I want hugs and smiles and I always get those from mommy during pick up but daddy is less cuddly and just focuses on the teacher and getting me in my carseat." If he engages with her and makes a connection, she will discover that actually daddy pick up is good too.

We went through a big mommy preference with my DD when she was a toddler and yes, it was important that I (mommy) not just be the parent who always gives her what she wants. But the real source of the preference was that I was the cuddly parent with the kind voice who talked to her more and made things into games, and my DH was still getting his sea legs as a parent to a non-baby and was a lot more stern and would more easily get frustrated when she didn't listen (toddler "don't listen" all the time, you have to be patient with them). What changed that was my DH developing more parenting skills. and learning to engage with her in ways that she enjoyed, and not just as a task master or exasperated parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's right. What else do you want us to say?

+1. You enable her.

+2
You've taught her that if you say no, she just needs to keep asking, throw a tantrum, etc., and you'll eventually cave in. You've taught her that your "no" is just a challenge.

What are you saying in return? If you're not replying at all or replying with the right words, then she'll keep saying it.

Be sure you tell her that you hear what she's saying and then explain:

--Bananas are so yummy. I can see why you want one. We don't have bananas in the car. What about a --something you have in the car--?
--We have bananas at home. When we get there, would you like peanut butter on it or plain?

For the daddy/mommy issue:

--I KNOW you want mommy. Don't we love her so much!? Let's go home and see mommy and get some cuddles!

You have to let them know you hear them and/or redirect them to something else or they get on a track and can't get off.

If it's something she can't have:

--I know you want to eat the elephant, but the elephant would be so sad! So we can't do that.
--I know you want to play with your friend today. They are so much fun. Today, we're going to do X instead.

This is exactly why setting firm limits and not giving in is a kindness to children.

You've created a scenario where your child cannot trust that you mean what you say, and the result is MORE crying, not less.

As the other poster mentioned, you are WAY better off just saying yes to everything immediately to avoid confusing your daughter.

If you say no, you need to be prepared to mean it, including dealing with a massive tantrum and crying.

Your daughter will learn.

This will sound weird but do you remember the guy in Wayne’s World who would say “I love you man” until the person said “thank you?”

My toddler is like that for parroting back what she is saying. I believe it’s ingrained because they are not good at communicating so they have an evolutionary imperative to confirm you got the message, and said imperative doesn’t work very well.

If my toddler says “I want a banana” and I say “we don’t have any bananas,” you would think my reply confirms I understood the request right?

Somehow, no. It works better if I say “you want a banana. We don’t have any bananas.” And if that is followed by banana related tears, “you really want a banana and we don’t have any, and you are really sad and frustrated that we don’t have any bananas.”

I know it sounds like Instagram parenting bs but I swear it sometimes works.

Also obviously as PPs have noted, never give in on anything. Did you accidentally declare that the TV is off for the day and now you just need ten minutes of peace and you no longer care about brain development? Too bad, you’re dying here on this Bluey hill. Get used to it.

Stop giving in.

My stepsister still did this when she was a teenager because the adults always gave in to her.

You're not doing her any favors by giving in.

You’re reinforcing this behavior. It gets her what she wants, so of course she’s going to continue. If you want it to stop, you have to convince her it doesn’t work. It’s even better if these tactics work against her. If she starts repeating tell her that you’ll withhold what she’s requesting longer (obviously not Mommy), or lose another treat/privileges. She can do things the easy way of the hard way, but she will be doing things your way. Right now your choosing the hard way to do things her way. It’s not good for her to be in charge.

Things may get worse before they get better, because she’s not going to want to surrender her power. Just be consistent and work as a team with your husband. Don’t let her divide and conquer.

You can soften the no. Make it "not today". "I understand you want a banana but its dinner time soon". Etc. repeat, redirect. Also model what you want her to say when you do want to give her the thing. "I would like a banana please" or "please give me a banana?"

This has nothing to do with autism.

Offer her two choices that you actually have available.

What I learned is that if I’m going to give in, I might as well say yes immediately. If I’m going to say no, I can’t back down. Maybe just say yes for a few things here or there so she knows that sometimes yes is an option and other times it’s a no.

Your kid’s not a monster, gee.