Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. Some people do have to eat differently to
Lose weight when they are overweight. Is this what you all are calling “diet culture “ ? This seems very odd to me that people might not understand others might have to lose weight?

No, it's people who spend way too much time thinking and talking about what they eat and whether they are overweight. My mom, for example, is of a very healthy weight (5'2" and 120 lbs I estimate), yet every time I talk on the phone with her, she says she doesn't want to get fat, rehashes what she ate today (a teaspoon of sour cream with her black bean soup, what an indulgence!), tells me who among her friends is getting fat, mentions that she can still fit into all her clothes from years ago, etc. etc. etc. That's diet culture. I wonder what her life might have been like if she had devoted that much time and energy to something more worthwhile for the past 60 years. She's not fat. At all. She's just obsessed with the topic.

I don’t mean to be rude, but what is your height, weight, BMI? I think a lot of women who could stand to shed a few pounds are hyper-sensitive on this topic and like to point at thinner women like they have an eating disorder, when what they really have is discipline to not start on the downhill slide to fatness. I lost some weight a few years ago and it required a lot of discipline. My “friends” would make little jabs, insinuating that I had an eating disorder. I was just minding my own business, eating more healthily, and it’s like it drove them insane to watch the pounds come off. I refrained from saying that maybe their eating was disordered, considering that they couldn’t seem to stop.

Your mom’s height and weight puts her squarely in the middle of the range for a normal BMI. That’s something she has prioritized in her life. Good for her. Maybe you talk about things that bore her, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. Some people do have to eat differently to
Lose weight when they are overweight. Is this what you all are calling “diet culture “ ? This seems very odd to me that people might not understand others might have to lose weight?

No, it's people who spend way too much time thinking and talking about what they eat and whether they are overweight. My mom, for example, is of a very healthy weight (5'2" and 120 lbs I estimate), yet every time I talk on the phone with her, she says she doesn't want to get fat, rehashes what she ate today (a teaspoon of sour cream with her black bean soup, what an indulgence!), tells me who among her friends is getting fat, mentions that she can still fit into all her clothes from years ago, etc. etc. etc. That's diet culture. I wonder what her life might have been like if she had devoted that much time and energy to something more worthwhile for the past 60 years. She's not fat. At all. She's just obsessed with the topic.

I don’t mean to be rude, but what is your height, weight, BMI? I think a lot of women who could stand to shed a few pounds are hyper-sensitive on this topic and like to point at thinner women like they have an eating disorder, when what they really have is discipline to not start on the downhill slide to fatness. I lost some weight a few years ago and it required a lot of discipline. My “friends” would make little jabs, insinuating that I had an eating disorder. I was just minding my own business, eating more healthily, and it’s like it drove them insane to watch the pounds come off. I refrained from saying that maybe their eating was disordered, considering that they couldn’t seem to stop.

Your mom’s height and weight puts her squarely in the middle of the range for a normal BMI. That’s something she has prioritized in her life. Good for her. Maybe you talk about things that bore her, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. Some people do have to eat differently to
Lose weight when they are overweight. Is this what you all are calling “diet culture “ ? This seems very odd to me that people might not understand others might have to lose weight?

No, it's people who spend way too much time thinking and talking about what they eat and whether they are overweight. My mom, for example, is of a very healthy weight (5'2" and 120 lbs I estimate), yet every time I talk on the phone with her, she says she doesn't want to get fat, rehashes what she ate today (a teaspoon of sour cream with her black bean soup, what an indulgence!), tells me who among her friends is getting fat, mentions that she can still fit into all her clothes from years ago, etc. etc. etc. That's diet culture. I wonder what her life might have been like if she had devoted that much time and energy to something more worthwhile for the past 60 years. She's not fat. At all. She's just obsessed with the topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, happy to answer your question: so far, I have basically ignored my MIL's disordered "clean" eating. She has a restrictive diet that she says is necessary for various medical conditions (gluten intolerance, acid reflux, something something about nightshades, etc.), but it tends to just hew to a carb, sugar, dairy and gluten free diet with a lot of fad supplements. She constantly talks about how she can't keep weight on, but won't touch a carb, fatty meat, or dessert. She will completely skip meals if her preferred food is not available or is not what is being served. She also regularly remarks about what others are eating or not eating. Cooks unhealthy food when hosting and then eats something separately herself. Will make dramatic declarations that aren't entirely true ("I would never serve my kids X" etc.). I just try to model balanced eating and being a flexible eater and a good guest, and don't play into her games about talking about weight and so forth.

My mom makes such radical statements about food too. My favorite from this last holiday were when DS and I were sitting having some cereal for breakfast (it was some sort of bran thing) and she took out the box, looked at the nutritional information, and goes "this is basically the same as having a hot fudge sundae for breakfast!" I just looked at her. She, and most of the women of her generation I know, have a very skewed understanding of nutrition. And it seems really performative, like eating different foods at gatherings, at restaurants always declaring after she order that she will only eat half so she can bring the rest home for tomorrow's dinner, and checking nutrition info on everything even if she's not eating it. I deal with it by just not engaging bc I know I won't change her attitude, language, or behavior around food. DS is only 5 but when he's older if necessary I will talk to him about just ignoring his grandmother's food commentary.

Anonymous wrote:OP, happy to answer your question: so far, I have basically ignored my MIL's disordered "clean" eating. She has a restrictive diet that she says is necessary for various medical conditions (gluten intolerance, acid reflux, something something about nightshades, etc.), but it tends to just hew to a carb, sugar, dairy and gluten free diet with a lot of fad supplements. She constantly talks about how she can't keep weight on, but won't touch a carb, fatty meat, or dessert. She will completely skip meals if her preferred food is not available or is not what is being served. She also regularly remarks about what others are eating or not eating. Cooks unhealthy food when hosting and then eats something separately herself. Will make dramatic declarations that aren't entirely true ("I would never serve my kids X" etc.). I just try to model balanced eating and being a flexible eater and a good guest, and don't play into her games about talking about weight and so forth.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. Some people do have to eat differently to
Lose weight when they are overweight. Is this what you all are calling “diet culture “ ? This seems very odd to me that people might not understand others might have to lose weight?

Anonymous wrote:This thread is informative. I had an obese relative with gout, but I did not know that people who aren’t overweight could suffer from gout.

OP, I’d make a regular dinner for your whole family, but add to it whatever items your mom can/will eat. Your kids don’t need to mimic grandma’s diet. You can’t fix grandma’s eating habits. Let grandma know that she is not to discuss diets or anyone’s weight/appearance with or in front of your children. If your kids ask why grandma gets to eat all carbs or lots of sugar, tell that them grandma isn’t feeling well and can’t tolerate normal food right now.

Anonymous wrote:OP, happy to answer your question: so far, I have basically ignored my MIL's disordered "clean" eating. She has a restrictive diet that she says is necessary for various medical conditions (gluten intolerance, acid reflux, something something about nightshades, etc.), but it tends to just hew to a carb, sugar, dairy and gluten free diet with a lot of fad supplements. She constantly talks about how she can't keep weight on, but won't touch a carb, fatty meat, or dessert. She will completely skip meals if her preferred food is not available or is not what is being served. She also regularly remarks about what others are eating or not eating. Cooks unhealthy food when hosting and then eats something separately herself. Will make dramatic declarations that aren't entirely true ("I would never serve my kids X" etc.). I just try to model balanced eating and being a flexible eater and a good guest, and don't play into her games about talking about weight and so forth.