why is father not available? Does he at least have an apartment, drug free, and not delusional, or violent towards son? If so, I'd ask him, even if he's been a total dead beat.

another poster had a great idea too - reaching out to his friends parents to take him, like 1 night on weekends. Maybe you can ask a few to give you a break.

I'm so sorry OP. Can your parents take him? A sibling? Your family should be stepping up right now. If you ask and they say no, then I'd talk to the county child welfare services like another poster suggested. Is it possible this child is on drugs?

Anonymous wrote:Serious post. I'm a single mom of a 15 year old DS. I have breast cancer and he's just been awful. He rages around and I don't know what to do. Do I have any recourse? His dad isn't an option, neither are my parents.

I didn't react well at all when my mother told me that she had breast cancer. I was scared, I guess. And maybe even a bit angry because I figured I'd get it too eventually.
She recovered, we talked about it, we have a great relationship now, and I get regular screenings.

He's probably terrified of losing you.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have a 15 year old and it’s such a hard age.

Does your son have any close friends? If so, could you reach out to the parents and see if he could occasionally stay there for a night or weekend? My son can be really terrible at times right now but I would take any of his friends without hesitation if their parents reached out and needed a break.

Don’t underestimate his grief and anger at your diagnosis. He needs a mental health counselor to help him deal with this.
Does he know what your prognosis is? Do you tell him in advance what your treatment schedule is? Does he know the effects of your treatment on you? I’m speaking as the mom of 3 kids whose father has cancer. Kids do not process a cancer diagnosis like adults do. He must be terrified and yet he has no one he can rely on completely. He needs someone healthy to lean on, OP. Please don’t give him up for adoption. He does need you now. Honestly unless you know someone who will take him right now he might just end up in a f- up foster care home. I am very sorry his father won’t help him or you.

He's 15. Can you make him get a work permit and get a job? Seriously. It sounds like he needs some serious distraction and his time occupied. And you would benefit from some peace of having him out of the house. Tell him that finances are tough now with your illness, and he needs to earn some money for school fees, etc. It also could help him grow up and mature and get outside his own head, where he is wallowing in self pity.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I would talk to the school. The counselor or pupil personnel worker should be able to help.

Does he have a close friend he could stay with for 6 months? One of my BFF mom friends has taken in another child for his senior year because his family cannot cope financially with their three kids. My friend is NOT friends with the family, her son is friends with the other boy. Just a thought, a serious concept.

Is there a counselor or someone at his school that you can turn to for help?
Does he have a close friend whose family would be willing to offer some support?
I am a divorced parent with teens whose other parent passed away a few years ago. I have had to make arrangements for my children if something happens to me. It is not easy, but you can do it. Best to you and your son.

I’m so sorry, OP. Wishing you health and recovery, and wishing him peace and less fear.

He's freaking out because he's scared you're going to die. Losing our parents is terrifying and traumatic, even for fully neurologically developed human beings who haven't lived at home for decades. Read Cheryl Strayed's book, "Wild," to see how she managed the cancer and loss of her mom. She spiraled into the heart of darkness. Your son isn't bad or warped or somehow wrong for struggling so much. It's completely and totally normal. Try to find your compassion for him.

That said, obviously, you have your own terrible struggle and having to help your son through his fears (by yourself) is more than should be asked of you. You absolutely need a BOATLOAD of support.

What resources have you tried to pull in so far? Have you asked your doctor to help? Your son's school? Are you in a support group?

What's the dad doing

Has he always been this way?

You should call your son’s school social worker and ask for help getting respite through social services in your area. I’m very sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not easy for him either, but I understand you can’t cope. Be very clear with social services.