Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 20:18     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are willing for them to visit on an alternate date, why not Christmas Day? It’s just another date on the calendar to you. How interesting you cannot answer this question.


Yeah exactly. This is what I don’t get. I’m 100% team husband here.


OP, consider that one reason your husband likes to visit on Christmas is that he gets to have the traditions, decor, and special foods without having to do/make/cook them himself. Are you offering to help him with those things, to the extent they are important to him?

Visiting for Christmas means it all gets done in one go. If you stay at home, it's like having two Christmas-es instead of one. That might not be a better deal for you. TBH it sounds like you're looking for a way to avoid doing any Christmas.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 17:32     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:My spouse insists on spending Christmas with their family. I should have nipped this in the bud early on in our relationship (I am not Christian, so spending Christmas with my family is not a priority), but now I'm kind of pissed about it - Christmas would be an ideal time to take a long vacation, to spend time together in our home, etc..., but now we've set a precedent and I can't convince my spouse otherwise. Any tips and good arguments against this? Kids are in elementary school. They like Christmas with their grandparents, but that's mostly because they get a lot of presents - I'd be willing to have a faux Christmas with them another weekend and my kids would be okay with that, too. This year, due to weather, we spent Christmas morning at home and the kids and I agreed that it was awesome. My DH was the only one who wished he'd had Christmas morning with his family. He SAYS this is pressure from his family to spend Christmas with them, but I don't know if that's actually true. Would LOVE to hear your tips on convincing him to compromise on this. He thinks he's already compromising because we only spend a few days with his family


OP, do you have a different religion?
If so, are you raising your children in that religion?
Do you participate in your cultural/ religious holidays with your family?

Over the course of a year how much time does the family spend with your family and how much with DH’s family?

Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 17:16     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:My spouse insists on spending Christmas with their family. I should have nipped this in the bud early on in our relationship (I am not Christian, so spending Christmas with my family is not a priority), but now I'm kind of pissed about it - Christmas would be an ideal time to take a long vacation, to spend time together in our home, etc..., but now we've set a precedent and I can't convince my spouse otherwise. Any tips and good arguments against this? Kids are in elementary school. They like Christmas with their grandparents, but that's mostly because they get a lot of presents - I'd be willing to have a faux Christmas with them another weekend and my kids would be okay with that, too. This year, due to weather, we spent Christmas morning at home and the kids and I agreed that it was awesome. My DH was the only one who wished he'd had Christmas morning with his family. He SAYS this is pressure from his family to spend Christmas with them, but I don't know if that's actually true. Would LOVE to hear your tips on convincing him to compromise on this. He thinks he's already compromising because we only spend a few days with his family


First of all, get rid of mindset that it doesn't, or shouldn't, matter to you because you aren't Christian. Because I HIGHLY doubt that you aren't doing anything for the kids/house/etc. for the holidays. So you should get a say. And this is the perfect time since weather prevented you from going to the ILs this year.

My tip would be to seize on the fact that the kids loved being at home and whether you observe it as a religious occasion or not it's a built in break/holiday and you simply don't want to spend it at your ILs every year. Then just stand firm.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:53     Subject: Re:Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
family vote 6 months before Christmas.

Not trying to be rude but you can't put away your hateful feelings once a year for your husband ?














/
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:39     Subject: Re:Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:Just take turns like majority of people do. One year you do Christmas your way (at home, just immediate family, whatever) the next year you do Christmas your spouse’s way (w his parents).


Except OP doesn’t celebrate Xmas or care about it at all. this isn’t an argument about where to celebrate at home vs DHs parents, vs your parents.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:37     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are willing for them to visit on an alternate date, why not Christmas Day? It’s just another date on the calendar to you. How interesting you cannot answer this question.


Yeah exactly. This is what I don’t get. I’m 100% team husband here.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:35     Subject: Re:Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Just take turns like majority of people do. One year you do Christmas your way (at home, just immediate family, whatever) the next year you do Christmas your spouse’s way (w his parents).
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:33     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
OP, if you are willing for them to visit on an alternate date, why not Christmas Day? It’s just another date on the calendar to you. How interesting you cannot answer this question.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:30     Subject: Re:Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
OP can certainly stay behind so that she can do chores around the house or relax. Let DH and kids go to ILs. It will be a good break for everyone. Win-win!
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:28     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:LOL, OP should have read the room. I would have expected nothing less from white, christian DCUM. Try a more diverse forum, OP.


LOL! I am a non-White, non-Christian immigrant woman. I am a DIL. I cannot imagine ever treating my ILs with such disrespect. I think OP is basically not a nice person. This is the kind of snake woman you do not want in your family because they do things to break the family instead of making the family. My sympathies to the unfortunate family that was cursed to associate with such a woman.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:20     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:If you are willing to spend an “alternate Christmas” with them, and you don’t celebrate Christmas…then give the justification why it can’t actually be on Christmas that you see them. After all, either way, it’s just a date on the calendar to you, yes?


+ 1

And I am speaking as a non-Christian. I think OP is another low EQ person who thinks that being sensible and accomodating ILs is some sort of loser behavior. Sounds very toxic.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:17     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
LOL, OP should have read the room. I would have expected nothing less from white, christian DCUM. Try a more diverse forum, OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:16     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Anonymous wrote:That’s mean, OP. It’s Christmas. It’s meant to be spent with family.

And Christmas is actually a bad time to travel because it’s expensive and places tend to shut down for a couple days.


It's not meant to be anything except what people make of it.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:16     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Christmas is a TERRIBLE time to travel. It’s expensive, everything is overbooked, so many delays and headaches.

It’s a fantasy - you won’t like the reality of it.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2023 16:13     Subject: Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family
Traveling around Christmas or Thanksgiving is awful OP. Unless you are traveling to see family and celebrating, it would be better not to travel at all and just stay home.