I think it is really hard to tell if the original poster is totally judgmental or just not someone who identifies as “mom first.”

I am not a “mom first” person. If you ask me about myself, the fact I have kids would not be in the top three things I mentioned. I could not tell you the names of teachers at her school other than the teacher’s my kids have had. We have a child with profound special needs so we never made “family” friends. But unlike the poster that said she never bonded with her mom, I’m pretty sure my non-special needs 10 year old feels deeply bonded to me. I am the person she comes to for tons of advice on many subjects. She tells me tons of things about her daily life and I’m very interested. My kid would also say “oh, my mom doesn’t care about spirit week or things like that that other moms care about.” But, she doesn’t seem in any way negatively impacted that I didn’t prioritize buying an orange shirt she would never wear again for anti bullying day (as an example). If my kid says something is really important to her, my husband and I try to prioritize it.

I have plenty of friends that are moms, but we don’t really bond over kid stuff. We connect more over our professional lives. That doesn’t mean we are all depressed or bad moms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you talked to the other moms you'd find that they also enjoy traveling, friendships and jobs. You're looking at them like NPCs in a video game but they are real people, not PTA robots.

Nice analogy.

It’s OPs anxiety and deeply internalized misogyny driving the need to see mothers as one-dimensional NPCs.

It’s seems just as misogynistic to judge a woman by her role and identity as a mom, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have deep underlying anxiety and a difficulty making true emotional connections with people. At this stage in your life, you are around a lot of parents, but I suspect this has been true your whole life and you are just realizing this aspect of your personality now because having young kids means confronting elements of yourself.

Then how do I have a decent number of friends?

Do you really? I’m honestly skeptical. Girls weekends doesn’t mean true and deep friendship.

Anonymous wrote:If you talked to the other moms you'd find that they also enjoy traveling, friendships and jobs. You're looking at them like NPCs in a video game but they are real people, not PTA robots.

Nice analogy.

It’s OPs anxiety and deeply internalized misogyny driving the need to see mothers as one-dimensional NPCs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was this way. Trust me your kids are going to feel this growing up, this disinterest in being a mother.

I used to wonder why she was so disconnected compared to my friend's moms. What gene was she missing that she did not want to do any of the other things other moms did? It mad meme feel awful about myself. I know she loved me, but she just showed not one iota of interest in parenting.

By the time I was in HS I was going to other people's moms for advice and guidance. My mother and I just never really bonded. After college we have no real relationship.


I agree that this is an anxiety/depression issue and that you are externalizing your insecurity and projecting it onto these mothers in the form of judgment.

Get help before it is too late.

Just because she didn’t enjoy play dates with strangers or pta?

Not enjoying, or not hosting?

My mom did not host, did not carpool, was not friends with the other moms and so missed out on a ton of opportunities that are passed through casual word-of-mouth networks.

Like it or not, when you become a parent you become part of a community. Your kid will suffer if you hold yourself apart.

I did. My mom got cancer when I was in ES. Her professional colleagues and friends were worthless in terms of helping me. If she had a circle of mom friends, I would have had rides to activities, support, meals, people checking in on me. I know b/c as a mom this is what I do, and my mom friends do, for each other when we are in need. We step up. That's based on years of being in the parenting trenches together.

I love to travel, spend time with my husband, see friends, have hobbies, etc. I am also deeply invested in my kids. I volunteer a lot with their school, try to get to know their friends and their families, etc. We only get one shot at raising our kids. I am trying to be involved as much as I can.

You clearly have easy children without a lot of issues that take a lot of time to manage or challenge you in fundamental ways.

This is lucky for you. Enjoy your nice life.

Anonymous wrote:If you talked to the other moms you'd find that they also enjoy traveling, friendships and jobs. You're looking at them like NPCs in a video game but they are real people, not PTA robots.

Yep, this. You are not as unique as you think you are, OP, you’ve just put people into convenient boxes without getting to know them.

I mean, I think most of us do playdates and kid parties for our kids? I don’t really enjoy them. But I do it.

This is so “not like other girls” lol.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was this way. Trust me your kids are going to feel this growing up, this disinterest in being a mother.

I used to wonder why she was so disconnected compared to my friend's moms. What gene was she missing that she did not want to do any of the other things other moms did? It mad meme feel awful about myself. I know she loved me, but she just showed not one iota of interest in parenting.

By the time I was in HS I was going to other people's moms for advice and guidance. My mother and I just never really bonded. After college we have no real relationship.


I agree that this is an anxiety/depression issue and that you are externalizing your insecurity and projecting it onto these mothers in the form of judgment.

Get help before it is too late.

Just because she didn’t enjoy play dates with strangers or pta?

If you talked to the other moms you'd find that they also enjoy traveling, friendships and jobs. You're looking at them like NPCs in a video game but they are real people, not PTA robots.

My mom was this way. Trust me your kids are going to feel this growing up, this disinterest in being a mother.

I used to wonder why she was so disconnected compared to my friend's moms. What gene was she missing that she did not want to do any of the other things other moms did? It mad meme feel awful about myself. I know she loved me, but she just showed not one iota of interest in parenting.

By the time I was in HS I was going to other people's moms for advice and guidance. My mother and I just never really bonded. After college we have no real relationship.


I agree that this is an anxiety/depression issue and that you are externalizing your insecurity and projecting it onto these mothers in the form of judgment.

Get help before it is too late.

Oh wow you are so special. You have the money to travel, have girlfriends weekends and spent time with just your husband. Not everyone does. Why do you need to look down on others anyway? We all work hard to raise our kids and still exist on our own. No one needs your judgement.