What is HCOL?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than a parent who travels regularly for work and isn’t home at night

Every week?

Besides, while that can be necessary, I can’t imagine anyone with a family would choose it unless they had to. And the Op has other options that likely aren’t terrible, just not her idea of perfect.

My sister is married to a truck driver who is essentially gone 2-3 weeks every single month. So yes, it -could-work.

None of this makes sense. OP's reluctance to share pertinent details make is more confusing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No different than a parent who travels regularly for work and isn’t home at night

Every week?

Besides, while that can be necessary, I can’t imagine anyone with a family would choose it unless they had to. And the Op has other options that likely aren’t terrible, just not her idea of perfect.

This is OP. You are right, we don’t have to do this. However we do not want to retire in our current location, so this would be a short term situation to get us where we would ultimately want to be long term for retirement. I do not like where we are at currently for reasons I don’t want to go into here, and I am the impetus for this potential move if that helps.

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to add that this is a very common practice in Japan (called tanshinfunin) where the dad lives in another town for work while the mom raises the kids pretty much singlehandedly back home, with the dad coming home for some weekends and holidays. They don’t want to disrupt the children’s lives, so they disrupt the adults’ lives. I think it is a very practical arrangement depending on the family.

I had a friend in Japan whose parents did this. I don’t know if it could work for me but I know it can work.

PP above. By the way, this is very common in the Bay Area. Many people will rent out a room in their home for the weekend only, furnished and sometimes with no kitchen privileges.

Anonymous wrote:OP, we did something similar for 2 1/2 years. It was totally fine and we found our way to make it work. The kids adapted fine. It was a little harder marriage-wise because I was so used to being “in charge” and driving all the structure of the week that re-integration was challenging - but certainly not insurmountable. I think the person it was the hardest on wasn’t me or the kids- it was DH who got lonely and missed being with us.

So many people will say it’s crazy, etc. But sometimes we need to make decisions that are best for the long-term that entail short term sacrifices.

This was us for five years. DH took a job in SF while the kids and I stayed put 100 miles away where we had an established life, home, friends. I won’t say it was easy, especially with the marriage challenges PP described above, but now that DH is back home full time, I see it was easier to live separately during the week.

I will dissent from the majority and say I think it could work just fine. Lots of parents (mostly dads) barely see their kids during the week if they live in an area with long commutes and have an intense job. I don’t think this so so different from a parents who works crazy hours or travels a lot.

Anonymous wrote:No different than a parent who travels regularly for work and isn’t home at night

Every week?

Besides, while that can be necessary, I can’t imagine anyone with a family would choose it unless they had to. And the Op has other options that likely aren’t terrible, just not her idea of perfect.

No different than a parent who travels regularly for work and isn’t home at night

Also, I can't believe a 1 BR apt in/near Silicon Valley isn't wildly expensive. Plus you have to furnish it.

Just find a place that works for everyone and supplement your kids' education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SF Bay Area?

This is OP. Yes

I live in the Bay Area. That sounds awful. There's no way I'd do that. What are you thinking, like SJ or somewhere in the south bay to Walnut Creek or another far out East Bay city? Because if you're moving kids from DC to Bay Area, even if you get into the best schools, you're probably going to be disappointed. It's just different here, and not worth living apart for a better school. I'm almost positive there is a decent school solution nearer your husband's new job that would give him a tolerable commute, especially if he can avoid bridges or take the train.

To answer your question, I know people who have been in similar situations and it sucked. In every case I can think of, they either gave up the job or moved before they planned to because it wasn't sustainable, or they had major problems in their marriage and family life. I wouldn't recommend it if there's another option. I think there are probably better options in this case. Well, unless you dislike your husband and you're trying to do a slow fade. Then it might be a good solution.

Anonymous wrote:SF Bay Area?

This is OP. Yes

I follow some wannabe DC influencer on Instagram who’s currently living in a European country with her two kids while her husband is still living and working in DC. Maybe ask her?

This is insane. There is no way I would accept this as the mother in the situation!

Sounds like a great set up for dad though! I’m sure he will enjoy pretending he is single and sleeping with other women!